Time Goes By
by ghostdominion6
Summary: The fifth night of "Halloween .7" has unceremoniously arrived in Gamindustri... and Cave and Chika have found themselves trapped indoors for the entire evening. However, trick-or-treating is the furthest thing from one SMD warrior's mind... as a new holiday brings up recollections of older days gone by! Here's to memories, music, movies, decapitating psychopaths, and no tomorrow!
1. Prologue: Go Love and Peace!

_**"**_ _ **Time travels at different speeds for different people.  
I can tell you who time strolls for,  
Who it trots for,  
Who it gallops for,  
And who it stops cold for."**_

 _ **-** William Shakespeare **,** "As You Like It"_

* * *

"Sister, we have a problem!"

With the purple-haired ditz's powerful proclamation, all eyes drifted away from the wooden room's distractions and towards her form. It was about time this meeting got started; it felt like everyone had been waiting forever for anything to happen!

... Which was a pattern that would continue just a tad bit longer. Several seconds passed before any follow-up words were uttered... so one bold black-haired woman, sitting just beside the instigator, slowly raised her hand.

"Um... Neptune? There's more than just one person in here... and FYI: none of us are your 'sister'!" Why, it was none other than Lady Black Heart of Lastation... or Noire, if you will. A CPU, or a goddess for all acronym haters.

A dry voice on the opposite side of the table snickered. "Being married is close enough."

"W-What's that supposed to mean, Kei?!" Kei Jinguji, to be more specific. A woman Lady Noire knew all too well: she was the Oracle of Lastation. If you don't know what that exactly means, join the club!... Oh, but fine: an Oracle's duty was to oversee their appointed nation and... well, make sure things stayed all bright and sunshiny. So shiny, rainbows could fly out of the land's butt.

All four nations had a CPU, as well as an Oracle. Generally, each nation tried to stay segregated and do their own thing... but due to recent (and by now, not-so-recent) 'events', borders and alliances had since let up. Still, it was never a comforting sight to see the key members of each land meeting in a professional environment, for that usually indicated something was very wrong. No, that's an understatement: should such an occurrence ever come to pass, Gamindustri itself would probably quiver in fear at the cruel possibilities!

... So, here the key members of each land currently were, all clad in their typical attire. It was time to get down to business.

Important business. "What I mean is, you two have been married for over a year now. You know more about Lady Neptune by now than her actual sister does."

"S-So?! Does that excuse her lack of a plural?! A-And I don't like your tone! How would you like it if I were to poke fun at you and Blan—"

"AHUM!" The smallest figure in the room, Planeptune's Oracle (and token tome fairy) Histoire, cleared her throat, commanding all pupils her way next. "I believe we have more pressing issues to discuss than Neptune's way of speaking!" Everyone around the circular table, including Neptune, mumbled in agreement, some more reluctantly than others. Sensing that everyone had settled down, the tiny leader nodded her head as resolutely as one could when their feet have never once physically touched ground... or so we think. "Good. First things first, I must thank you all for joining us here on Planeptune. I pray your journey was a peaceful one?"

A pair of restrained buoyant breasts jiggled across the table, secretly drawing Kei's gaze... and the sheer ire of Lady White Heart. The ballistics-equipped center of attention, Lady Green Heart, frowned. "Yes Histoire, we experienced safe travels... but I still do not understand why we must hold this meeting in Planeptune! In accordance with the pattern we long ago established, Leanbox was next in line! My poor sister here spent hours preparing the tables, setting up the fine china, and even taping name-tags to the chairs!" She motioned for her Oracle, the lovely Chika Hakozaki; a pseudo-green-haired dame in a black dress that left little to the imagination, not that many of you probably mind. The woman would've taken her cue to speak up... but she was busy looking pissed, visible smoke rising from her ears. We'll... see plenty of her later, don't you worry.

... Oh yeah, and perhaps it's best to get this out of the way right now... before any grammar/capitalization fetishists have an aneurysm. A common question people may ask is: what's the correct term, 'oracle' or 'Oracle'?! Well, ask no more! You see, there was actually a poll over a year ago to decide on the proper written form of the important title! It was determined by 68.99999% of the vote that 'Oracle' should be capitalized from that point forward (but not necessarily when chronicling events earlier than the poll in question). It was rampant sexism, because if the Oracles were bald doods instead of four attractive young women (hey, Histoire has a vocal fanbase, with a new doujin coming out like every month!), the word would obviously be treated with far less respect. As much respect as you have for parentheses.

So there ya have it. The more you know!

Anyway, the aforementioned popular tome fairy simply shook her head at Vert's query. She pointed a tiny index finger at the shrinking Mina sitting close by. "Yes, Leanbox should've been next... but we must be respectful to Mina's... * _you know_ *!"

The bespectacled Oracle of Lowee, Mina Nishizawa, shyly nodded before coughing into her fist. "Y-Yes... I-I am still not ready to... step foot in the Leanbox Basilicom again... I humbly apologize if this upsets you, Vert." Mina and that castle in the Land of Green Pastures had a certain little... *incident* over a year ago... If you don't know the tale, it's best to not pay it any heed. It's a... LONG story...

"... Oh, fine, I suppose this is better than S.R.A.T.S... It can not be helped," the blonde goddess relented, "but the next important meeting should take place within my domain! We will be on the first floor, Mina; nowhere near the top-floor window!"

"I-I'd appreciate that... Th-Thank you, I'll be ready by th—!"

"Yo, enough dilly-dallying!" Neptune suddenly interrupted, desperate to steal the show. "We have a big big BIG problem, and—" A decisive finger, one fit for an ace attorney, shot towards the Planeptune Oracle. "— Histy's gotta tell us about it! Do your thang, Histy!"

Noire sighed. "Wait, Neptune... didn't you start this whole thing off? Why don't YOU explain?"

"Are you really asking that, Noirey? You want ME to explain somethin' important?"

"... Good point."

Histoire simply shook her head as she smiled over at Mina, before putting on a determined expression once more. "Yes, it would be wise to jump straight to the point: as I'm sure you know, Shares across Gamindustri have been down on an... unsettling global level!" Should 'Shares' be capitalized? Should you give a hoot? "It is nothing disastrous just yet, but recent trends indicate a downward slide we haven't seen for a long time. A natural slide, I mean: the war last year was... something else entirely." At that comment, Lady Green Heart awkwardly scratched her cheek. "The summer months are the roughest they've ever been, no doubt due to the peace spreading across the land... and this is why we have joined together today: we must come up with a way to boost back up Shares, forthwith!" It's bad when the person who usually takes three days to make any substantial decision is telling others to hurry up.

Murmurs spread around the room like rumors in an elementary-school classroom, and suggestions began flying around with greater verve than two kids rushing to steal candy from a bowl in a pantry.

"Well, a concert is the best bet. That worked well for us a couple times," Noire suggested, flicking one of her twintails purely for fanservice no one could see.

Kei didn't seem too convinced. "We lack an immediate star; Miss Lyrica is on break, remember? Besides, we must avoid oversaturation of our backup plans."

"W-Well... wh-what else ya got?!"

The purple-haired ditz suddenly clapped her hands! "I got it! A GIANT pudding public bath! Pay a thousand credits to enter and sooth your troubles away! All proceeds go to me!"

It's coming! Can you feel it?! Here... it... is! "NO!" Ah, wasn't that satisfying?

From there, the proceedings proceeded to proceed proceedingly.

"How about a giant book reading meet? Gather everyone to read my books before I publish 'em. Best damn things they'll ever have in their hands."

"I do believe a bake-off would be a much more splendid idea!"

"I'll bake YOU, bitch!"

"Ooh, how about a WARM pudding bath?!"

"That's NOT happening, Neptune!"

"Um, it's all the rage with the children nowadays, so why not a ' _Pocketed Monstrosities YO'_ meet-and-greet?"

"Why aren't our sisters here, anyway?"

Everyone around the table continued talking and speaking and vocalizing and orally-'verbing'... except for one. One Oracle, the steaming red-eyed Chika, sat in silence, somewhat peeved that Vert hadn't asked her for any input.

Well... enough was enough! She was to be silent no more!

"HUMPH!" she shouted as she leapt from her chair and landed perfectly on top of the rectangular round table. The ensuing crash as a flowerpot tumbled to the floor drew all eyes without fail. Shishishishishi! "You're all looking at this wrong! These plans are too *simple*! Er, 'ish'! Too plain! Too small-scale!"

"Oh, really?" Lady Black Heart said, interrupting her rival nation's higher-up. "Well, what's *not simple* enough for you?"

A colorful sparkle escaped from the mint-haired girl's snarky grin. She might need to get that checked out. "What're some of the biggest moneymakers in the world? HOLIDAYS! If all our Shares need a quick boost, or a mighty fine kick to the rump, then we need to capitalize on these things!"

"... Holidays?"

"Holidays...?"

"H-Holidays?!"

"Holidays!"

Slowly but surely, light bulbs went off in our fair maidens' heads. Well, Neptune's needed replacing, but still. This... made sense, actually! Well, kinda, but that's what detail-ironing was for!

But when one door closes, many more open... Many confusing, nonsensical, irritating doors. "That... could work," Histoire surmised as she cupped her chin, "but alas, it is only the end of July... August and September are dry spells, unfortunately."

"Well, if that is the case..." Mina continued, happy to placate her small friend. Is... she trying to impress the floating tome? Interesting... "It may be unorthodox to even consider, but... why don't we CREATE a new holiday instead?"

Oh boy, she just kicked the hornet's nest with that one!

For the sake of time and poor dying pixels, the party took the idea and ran with it. Unfortunately, they made plenty of stumbles in their dash.

"' _Easter 2_ '!" "' _Christmas Too: Christmas Harder_ '!" "' _Smack Talk Valentine's Day_ '!" "' _Love Day_ '!... Y'know, where we plant a few Love Trees?" "' _Everybody LOVES Mina Night_ '!" "I don't know, ' _Same Old Lang Syne_ '?" "Ooh, ooh, ' _The Shrewing of the Tame_ '!" " _All's Well That Ends Well_!"

All... barn-burners, definitely. Most using italicization AND single quotes as well, how... stunning. Did they need to? Nah, but isn't it important to go that extra mile? Hmm, no, it's not? Look, sometimes liberties need to be taken for readability purposes, so just accept certain things!

These were such grand ideas, Histoire could feel her brain melting. She hadn't been this disenchanted since that time she and Croire may have went on an interdimensional date! Oh, but we're not supposed to know about that...

"Gah, we're getting nowhere!" Noire hollered, pulling her hair as she sank into the uncomfortable wooden seat. "These ideas are all terrible!"

Vert reluctantly nodded in agreement. "Yes, they do leave much to be desired... Hmm, Chika!" Oh, what's this? She shifted her head towards her 'sister' at long last! The mintette had casually sat back down during the previous chaos, for the record. "Since you first brought it up, what about you? Which holiday would be the wisest, you think?"

Music to her ears: Verty was ASKING her for input! Suh-weet! The Oracle opened her mou— "Fweh, yeah right!" L-Lady Black Heart?! H-Hey, this isn't your turn to speak! "Trust Chika with this?! How's that 'Summer of Leanbox' sale going? That was her idea, right?"

The chest-blessed goddess squinted her eyes at the somewhat-brash tsundere. "The 'Summer of Leanbox' sale was a perfectly-valid idea, and I offer Chika nothing but praise for it!" Upon hearing this, Miss Hakozaki's face lit up like last year's Christmas tree! "... It was simply ahead of its time! A... simple sale featuring simple games that..." A horrid pause. "T-The world was not yet ready for Chika's plans!" Blammo! Just like that, the tree burst into flames. Kinda like the time Nisa and Gust knocked one into the fireplace. Which one toppled it over again? It's been a long time.

"Ha! I don't think the world will EVER be ready for Chika's *plans*!" Yipe, the chide remarks keep coming!

"I'll have you know, Chika is a mastermind when it comes to plans! Sure, she may play it safe more than others expect, but safe is reliable!"

"..." Safe? Reliable?! How... *ugly* are those two words?! Noire was totally dissing the scantily-clad professional, and... Vert was unable to refute her statements! Suddenly, Chika felt smaller than she ever had. Well, discounting the shrink-ray incident, but the less we remember that, the better the chances of a complete acquittal in court.

Dang it... She needed to find a way to... turn this beat around!

"... Halloween."

Like moths drawn to light (and, according to rumors, brunettes), Vert and Noire snapped all their attention to the goofy concocter... and like the internet towards the next 'big' thing, everyone followed suit. "W-What? H-Hallow...een?"

Tugging on her left earlobe like it was a raw piece of pork, the long-legged Oracle smirked. "Yep, that's right! Halloween! I know, it's still a couple months away... but how about we make a pre-Halloween?!"

"And how the hell will that freakin' work?!" Blanc grunted, sounding like an old man refusing to leave his armchair. "What good could Halloween do?!"

Madame Jinguji shrugged as well, similarly to a wannabe-stoic teen getting invited to a school dance for the first time in her life. "And more than all that, this is still a single event. We need something more... *grand* than one night of... candy exchanging."

Vert nodded along with her contemporaries, only serving to dishearten Lady Chika some more. Geez, guys, throw her a bone every once in awhile! "Indeed... B-But, it is an interesting thought, dear Sister! I applaud your efforts!"

... The Oracle found their lack of faith disturbing. Not even good ole Greeny-Beany... believed in her. "V-Vert..." No, don't give in now! She... could still salvage this, somehow! If one night of Halloween wasn't *grand*, then...

"Well, then how about SEVEN nights?! A full week of Halloween fun! How about the first week of August?" What a cinch! Man, pulling plans outta your rump is EASY! "An' before you all question how this'd actually affect Shares, it's pretty simple! I've read the Oracle handbook inside and out... and there's a pretty nifty loophole concerning, like, every single item purchased in grocery stores! If we can manipulate branding— AKA, each nation sells local candy instead of big-name brands— a majority of the profit can be converted into Sharicite! Hell, costume stores too; this is the best holiday we could wish for! Add to all that the prospect of people young and old giving and receivin' candy, and morale will surely skyrocket! One night would be sweet, two would be awesome, and three would be unbelievable... but SEVEN?! We'll be swimming in so much Shares, we'll have to CREATE new villains to threaten peace and stability in Gamindustri!"

Go on, someone?! Tell her off! Tell her how this plan wouldn't work or how she was just a goof who had best play it safe! Any takers?!

... But no, there were no 'takers'. Surprisingly, not a one single individual saw fit to raise any objections. Some hesitant questions, sure, but no outright objections. Haha, take that, self-doubt! This positive reinforcement— technically brought on by nothing negative— made her grin like a young adult imagining a steamy webcam chat with the friend she secretly loved since childhood!

The group deliberated just a bit more, before Histoire blurted out the obvious question that needed answering. "First week of August, correct? That's exactly one week away... so we must make haste with our preparations! But, if we are to really commit to this idea... then this holiday will need a proper name! Please, share your suggestions!" NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Neptune immediately raised her hand. "Yo! Pick ' _Halloween 2.8: Final Chapter Prologue'_!"

Noire sighed. "Dear lord, Neptune, that's the stupidest title of anything... er, ever! Besides, everyone will agree that ' _Halloween H20'_ is the best choice! Um, n-not that I agree with this s-stupid holiday in the first place, or anything!" Ding ding ding! We've done it! We've met our quota!

"Eh, how about ' _Halloween .7_ '?" Blanc said with an eyeroll. "It's before Halloween, and Neptune said that shitty 2.8 thing... so why not get rid of the '2', subtract '.1' from the '.8'... and voila, we picked an even dumber name!"

Vert stuck out her tongue from across the room. "Us settling on that name is as likely as you growing out of the body of a twelve-year-old!"

As eye lasers clashed between two CPUs who had so much passive-aggressive unresolved sexual tension between them that they were at risk of developing terminal blood clots, the victorious Chika Hakozaki stood tall, crossing her arms like a true arms-crosser. "Hehe, I 'play it safe', Vert said?! Well, it's hard not to when everything I do works out like a charm! Seven nights of Halloween... What could possibly go wrong?!"

* * *

 **A Week and Four Days Later...**

"And that's what went wrong..."

As she stared at the scantily-clad Oracle, Cave couldn't help but sigh in resignation. "I leave you alone for one day— JUST one day— and you get your upper torso stuck in a window? The BASILICOM'S window?" Her hand gestured towards the building in question: they were standing right in front of the yard of the crime scene.

Chika bashfully cast her face downwards, the red on her cheeks threatening to spread in the air. "It... didn't look so small from the outside..."

"You're lucky this isn't one of Lady Blanc's *adult* stories..." the SMD warrior mused, absentmindedly tugging her shirt to remove any crinkles. Her usual outfit was missing, replaced instead by... the most stock golfing shirt and skirt imaginable? "You can explain the specifics to me later. How much trouble are you in?"

The Oracle was about to reply... but a different Oracle took the cue instead. "Allow me to answer that," Kei said as mechanically as possible. Does she sound like that on purpose? Either way, in her hands was a simple piece of paper... albeit, one peppered with an ocean of words. Something Neptune would never manage to read, that's for sure. "Let's see here... Date: the fourth night of 'Halloween .7'. Time: Approximately 9:05 PM. Case Summary: Lady Chika, Oracle of Leanbox, attempted to break into the Lastation Basilicom via one of the first floor kitchen windows. There was no need to penetrate the glass, for the window was apparently unlocked. No one was home due to the holiday..." The short woman's serious eyes narrowed as she looked at the perpetrator in question from the corner of her vision. "Lady Black Heart returned to drop off her 'stash' at 9:30 sharp... and discovered the home invader halfway through the window frame. She pulled her out... and guards were promptly called to apprehend her."

"When you put it like that, I sound like an idiot..." Poor Chika grumbled, still too ashamed to look up.

Cave didn't quite know what to say. "... Oy vey..." Yeah, that about cuts it. "Well... Can she be let off the hook? I know this was—" A glare blasted towards the red-eyed woman's forehead, "— an EXTREMELY IDIOTIC thing to do, but I am certain Chika didn't mean any harm. No harm, no foul, correct?"

The silver-haired Oracle simply shook her head. "I am sorry, but Chika's indiscretions can't simply be handwaved away. Lady Noire seeks retribution of some kind."

"That... makes sense..." The red-haired soldier knew that something had to be done to make this better. Drat, and just when she had started getting into golf! Well, attempted to 'get into' golf, at least. Jai Alai and Bowling hadn't quite done anything for her, so she was hoping that—... M-Moving on! "What does your Lady ask of Chika? Whatever she needs to do, I will see to the task's expedient completion. If I must, I will even shoulder some of the workload."

This last point finally caused Miss Hakozaki to raise her chin, her wide eyes saying more than words... though she spoke anyway. "C-Cave?! No no no, I screwed up; why should you suffer too?!"

It was indeed quite odd for the warrior to so readily offer to pay for the goof's mistakes; usually she'd force Chika to deal with her problems head on, not request to HELP her! Even so, Cave kept her face blank, as if this was the norm. Ah, trying to give Kei a run for her money there. "I can't help but feel responsible, Chika. Your problems are my problems... We've been dating for seven months, and I knew what I was signing up for on day one."

"C-Cavey..." If that didn't drive home the guilt, what would?

Kei, interestingly enough, seemed most impressed. "That's dedication! I'm not even sure Blanc would do the same for me, at least not as quickly." The second the boyish woman mentioned her relationship with Lady White Heart, Cave involuntarily winced, though no one else noticed. Weird... Perhaps a dust particle simply blew into her eye at the wrong moment? "Well, I suppose I can't stop you... and I am sure Chika will need all the help she can get."

"It's fine, really. I'm just sorry this had to happen in the first place," the soldier replied, crossing her arms. The urge to once more tug down her one-size-too-small uniform shirt proved too strong, alas, and her limbs ended up leaving the pose almost as soon as they had entered it. "What must she do to obtain expiation?"

"I know what you're saying, Cave; using fancy words to confuse me won't work anymore."

Lastation's Oracle ignored Chika's mumblings and nodded her short-haired head. "The list of demands are as such: for starters, Chika is to follow a strict curfew for the rest of Halloween .7's duration. So, three days of staying indoors once 5 PM rolls around. Oh, and may I remind you that it's already 4:30 PM."

"W-What?! B-But who will escort Vert?! Who will carry her candy?! Her breasts weigh too heavy on her back as it is!"

A smirk crossed Cave's lips, though Kei still completely ignored the outburst. "But that's not all: attempting to sneak into the Basilicom, whether the CPU is present or not, is a serious offense. As such, it will take—"

"I'll deliver the news, Kei! You are excused!"

A sudden voice sounded from the regal structure's front door... and all faces immediately turned to see Lady Black Heart, standing as tall as Planeptune Tower. Okay, that's not a simile, that's a blatant lie.

The SMD warrior's attention was helplessly drawn to the tsundere's jewelry-clad ring finger as she walked forward. Kei politely bowed out, adding a quick "Good day, I'll see you all later tonight..." without any further clarification, before she took her smooth leave. Definitely off to see Blanc, seeing as she's not returning inside her official dwellings. Odd, that one.

Nodding in the affirmative to her ally's exit, Noire next turned her twintailed head to the downtrodden home invader. "Let's get right down to business!" That'd be a first. "Chika Hakozaki! For attempting to break into the Lastation Basilicom— MY Basilicom— you are mandated to serve out 108 hours of community service! No exceptions!"

"W-What?!" Chika's eyes bulged even greater than before, and Cave likewise displayed more shock than she'd typically allow herself to. "Isn't that a bit too disproportionate?! It's not like I added an apostrophe in the wrong place on the internet, or went streaking through the supermarket! Besides, you haven't even let me explain myself ye—"

"You're lucky the punishment isn't worse! You TRIED BREAKING INTO my nation's most sacrosanct of buildings!"

"The Jai Alai courts?"

"NO! Grr... when did you become so much like Neptune?!" The married-yet-eternally-young goddess shook her head in frustration, and the SMD warrior turned slightly away to hide her snarky grin. "Keep this up, and I won't even give you an offer to..." Woah, that's one sly look she's wearing, Cave internalized. "... get out of your sentence faster."

Chika seemed to get the hint at once, and her right eyebrow arched, a centipede determined to be more cute than creepy. Haha, good try, but it'll never work. "... Go on...?"

Noire could've easily grinned like a victorious level grinder, but nothing can ever be so simple when dealing with those of the super-tsundere lifestyle. So, instead of simply trying to gloat, she pretended to pout by puffing a cheek out as she crossed her arms. Eat your heart out, Cave's upper limbs. "Hmph! I don't think I want to tell you anymore..."

"N-No! P-Pretty please! I'm sorry about being a charming rogue with a sharp tongue! Please tell me the offer! Anything, I'll do anything!"

"... Weeeeeeeell..." Black Heart trailed, her sing-songy voice betraying her faux-cold exterior. She was trying to enjoy being in control like this... but all the years spent with Lady Purple Heart had completely wore her tsundere silver lining, it seemed. Their relationship and subsequent marriage had truly changed her. Those things change everyone, huh? Change everything. "... fine! But I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen real good, got it?! I won't say it again, e-even if you beg me!" Desperation comes in many shapes and forms.

By now, the scantily-clad Oracle had fallen to her knees in quite the dramatic showing. Cave wanted to speak up, but the scene before her was ultimately too amusing for her to even think about interrupting. "Oh, thank you, thank you! Spill the beans, sister! What's the offer I can't refuse?"

Noire's eyes narrowed like a camper getting ready to tell the most frightening tale around a lit campfire. As opposed to all those unlit ones. "I may consider dropping the 108 hours of community service... if you spend the night in my Basilicom."

"... Eh?" responded both Leanbox natives in perfect harmony. A side effect of dating. The proposition sure didn't... well, make any sense at all. To be forgiven for invading the holy house, Chika had to... stay in it overnight? Sounds like a wacky plot fit for a sitcom, or ripe for some meta joke at least.

The waning tsundere didn't flinch, not missing a beat at their understandable confusion. "Yep, that's right: if you promise to guard my house all night long... well, until we return tomorrow morning from our extended outing at least, I'll consider your debt paid in full." That's... it?! HA!, thought Chika, this would be a cinc— "BUT, there's a pretty big catch: I'm not telling you to guard my house for zero reason. Not at all..." Oh dear, the atmosphere around the CPU was darkening faster than the inevitable night sky! "I assume Kei... hasn't told you?"

Chika was too excited to respond, so her girlfriend picked up the slack. "Told us what? We only received Chika's crime report from he—"

"Makes sense... She wouldn't want to mention the psychopath who's been stalking around the yard the past few nights..." A moment, before the girl quickly added "AFTER 10 PM, of course! It's fortunate I found you when I did..."

"Ps-Ps-Ps-Ps-Psychopath?!" NOW the Oracle found her tongue! "H-Holy... W-What type of psychopath?!"

Cave herself kept quiet, tilting her head in curious fashion. This tale certainly seized her attention... and lord knows she'd been hoping for something like this.

Anyway, Lady Black Heart had the two twirled around her pinky finger; ah, she missed this feeling! "Every morning, for the past four nights..." Is that how you'd logically say that sentence? "... Kei and I have found a bust lying in the garden out back. Without. A. Head."

"A... bust? Like, decapitated boobs?!"

"... No." Noire lifted her right arm to catch a glimpse of her digital watch— a wedding gift— before deciding she needed to wrap this up ASAP! "Busts, as in, upper-body statues of ME! Our creep has been stalking my Basilicom and decapitating statues of ME! ME!"

Chika's face remained blank, like a child's. It was the natural progression for her after facing such a scolding today. "... And your boobs are fine?"

"FORGET MY BOO— E-Er, my bust! N-Ngh, my chest!" A rapid headshake, and the girl's face turned a shade of red it hadn't quite dived into for some time. "The point is, I want you to guard my Basilicom and keep a look out for that creep. The only bust I have left is in my personal library— which you absolutely CAN NOT enter, by the way— so make sure he doesn't sneak in, okay? Succeed, and your 108 hours will be fulfilled in just one day."

The deal sounded... erm, sound? But, dealing with a psychopath... and a DECAPITATOR (as Chika was inclined to call him) at that?! Anyone would be excused for deeming that a deal-breaker. As such, the goofball of a professional opened her mouth to voice her trepidation. "A... creep who decapitates statues... I dunno, this sounds kinda hair—"

"Gotta go, good luck!" the CPU of Lastation proclaimed, effectively cutting the intruder off. Then, with one formidable flick of her long black hair, she "Hmph'ed!" to no one in particular and began to slowly venture to parts unknown... though any savvy onlooker could assume she was headed to Planeptune. You know, to be with her wife. Slow step... Slow step...

Chika got the message, or lack thereof, and immediately went to stroking her chin in deep thought. "A psychopath, huh? Well, at least Verty won't be in danger... Ah, what am I saying?! I could roundhouse this creep with my baby toe, no sweat!"

Cave, meanwhile, shrugged to herself as she hoisted up an oversized gym bag that had been by her side. Her actual uniform was inside (well, a secret spare, in any case), along with her trademark scissors and a few random assorted daily items, like a tooth brush, a comb, and even spare underwear. Hmm... how peculiar, the gym bag seemed to be serving as an... overnight trunk moreso than a simple carrying case for a daily excursion to a Lastation fronton and a... golf course somewhere. There's no way she foresaw this event coming... so why was she so prepared to stay for a night or five away from her home nation of Leanbox?

Oh yeah, remember how Noire 'began to *slowly* venture'? As the SMD warrior contemplated her unzipped sack (let's blame Chika for that phrasing), the tsundere goddess finally passed by... but not before leaning her lips close to Cave's ear and reaching her hand into her private opening. Not... like what you might be thinking (or hoping?). "Read this... I trust you much more than her." And that was that; Noire didn't take a single look back as she left the Basilicom in Chika's— but secretly Cave's— capable hands.

"... Odd... Hmm? What's..." The green-eyed soldier noticed a small slip of paper sticking out of her luggage. "... this? Might as well." First checking to make sure her lover was still preoccupied with thoughts about the ax-crazy nutcase, the golf-'UN-enthusiast' opened the note... and sighed. "... That figures. Oh well, I had better stick with Chika tonight, anyway. Shame this has to count as our first date of the week, though."

"You say something, babe?" Chika called, noticing her girlfriend's perplexed expression. "You're not worried about Mr. Decapitated Coffee, are ya? I couldn't live with myself if you got put into danger because of me, so I won't complain if you tuck tail and run while you still can!"

... Heh, the mint-haired Oracle had a way of cheering the warrior up like no one else before. "I'm with you to the end, psycho or no psycho."

Her lover responded with a bright grin; how does her face always manage to not be sucked in? "Sweetles! Here, I'll head in and turn on the TV, maybe heat up some popcorn! I'm under house arrest, and it's day five of Halloween .7... so you know what that means: horror movie marathons up the 'MegaTagmension'!" Again like a child, rivaling dearest Ram of Lowee, the grown adult bustled right into the building she had mysteriously tried to break into over 12 hours ago.

"Okay, I'll be right there, Chika!" Cave called back...

... before reaching into her shirt pocket to pull out a cellphone. "... Which reminds me, I better check in with work... just to make sure." Ah, always the hard-worker, she is; given a whole free day— okay, EVENING— to spend with her lover, and she's STILL thinking about doing her job of... er, whatever it is she exactly does! That's what we call stubborn dedication! Or trying to work so hard, you don't have to think about your problems...

The stylish soldier dialed up a number that was eternally planted amidst her list of 'Fab 5' contacts (she hadn't quite evolved past the flip phone era of phone coverage yet), and the cellular device dialed once... twice... three times the dial ton—

"Hello?"

Ah, the familiar bored female voice! Secretaries must never sleep. "SMD headquarters, this is Cave. Reporting in."

The unseen woman audibly sighed before anything else. Never a good sign, but the soldier attempted to ignore the blatant act as best she could. Luckily, she didn't need to wait long for the secretary to finally speak up. "Ah, hello Cave... What, this the fourth time you called today?"

"I-Is it? I-I hadn't noticed." Yeah, if you believe that, the Leanbox Basilicom has a bank account you can send free money to. Er, for charity.

Miss Mystery waved off the employee's stammering ways. "Anyhow, how come we only hear from you these days? You never visit our bases anymore... Hell, I heard you barely even sleep in the Basilicom either. Is something the matter?"

Cave bit her bottom lip; not intentionally, of course, and she probably didn't even realize her teeth were sinking into her own flesh... but the detail remained true for all to see. Oh, but 'all' really means 'none'. "... I'm fine, I apologize. I just find it more efficient to receive missions on the go. To be more expedient with carrying out my duties. I save time in not having to leave headquarters or... home, that's all. I can stay... fresh, mobile."

"Oh... Um, well, okay! I guess it's for the best anyways."

"... No new missions?"

"The same story we've had for the last hundred times you've cal— er, the last few months. Boring days... The SMD isn't needed right now."

Those cursed words return: 'The SMD isn't needed'... "That seems to be the case... b-but we shall never rest, for trouble can surface at any one second! The SMD will always be there, be it times of peril, or of absolute peace!" Wow, that... wasn't desperate at all. "... Not even paperwork to fill out? Nothing at all? Stock inventory? Check engine lights to turn off? Hell, satellite TV subscription bills to pay?"

Is that a chuckle on the other line? "Nopperino... Cave, you're free yet again. Go spend some time with your loved ones. I hear you and Lady Chika are getting quite... mmm, close? When can all of us here be expecting wedding invitations? Seems marriages are taking the place of crime these days!"

"W-Wedding?! A-Ah..." The stern soldier coughed once, an unwitting sign of things to come. "... I must be heading off, thank you for your time. Cave, over and out."

*Click!*

Cave flipped her phone shut... and allowed her shoulders to sink. No work again, no need for her services, no need for soldiers, so many people getting hitched...

"... Well, it's not like I could've gone on a mission anyhow; Chika's waiting for me." Yeah, absolutely nothing to fret about! More jobs would come in due time, she knew it! For now, she simply needed to relax and... enjoy the downtime. Go inside and actually act like a girlfriend, and not a workaholic. "... Better go make sure she hasn't started a fire in there. I fear for Lady Noire's bed..." Er, perhaps she also needed to reel back the 'disapproving dad' tendencies. Whichever came first.

With a hefty "Oomph!", the red-haired adult heaved her luggage up as high as she could— taking special care not to drop it— and journeyed onward up the path to the regal house's front entrance.

* * *

 _ **"Smile... an everlasting smile... A smile can bring you near... to me..."**_


	2. Chapter 1: Chaos Awakened

With a hefty "Phwah?!", the red-haired adult carelessly dropped her luggage on the wooden floor upon seeing Chika bending down in front of the television set. The bag collided with such force that a toothbrush came flying out, rolling under the nearby sofa. "... Oops."

Chika turned her head slightly to smile at the crimson-faced entrant. "Hey babe! Just tryin' to find the dang HDMI port. Can you believe Noire only has one cord that's shared between the satellite box and the game console?! I swear, with each generation of platforms, the slots just get more out of the way. Deeper, too! Much, much deeper..." A butt wiggle cemented her point...? "Why do the satellite boxes have to follow the same pattern?! No one wants to lift the hunk o' junk just to insert a cord!"

"I... U-Uh, I hear ya..." Cave trailed, desperately trying not to stare. She suddenly remembered her poor rolling toothbrush, however, which she gladly used as a way to avoid her lover's careless pose. Whether she realized that she also bent down in such a fan-servicey way to do so is unknown, but at least she seemed content with herself.

Soon enough, the toothbrush was successfully reclaimed (covered in so much lint and dust it would take a priest to properly cleanse it) and the television set was hooked up and ready to go! The two Leanbox natives took seats beside each other, the (out-of-work) SMD warrior wrapping an arm around her girlfriend's shoulder. "So... there's a movie marathon?"

"Yeah! Just, eh, hafta remember which channel. Stupid Lastation and their different numbers..."

"Er, but Noire has the same satellite provider we do. 'UPFRONTV'?"

"... We have a better package."

Flick, flick, flick... Dear lord, where was the channel?! Oh, if only brand recognition and constant advertising ever amounted to actually remembering the names of things!

Cave tapped her closed lips in thought as Chika clacked away on the remote. The poor device hadn't experienced such a work-out in years... She really needed to speed this along, for the clicker's sake! "Chika, do you suppose looking in the 500s is a bit too high? Try the lower channels."

The mint-haired professional rapped her right boot a couple of times, mulling over the thought. "Lower channels... Well, 2 through 61 should be the local channels. 71 is for game shows—" A click of '7', a press of '1', a hard squeeze of 'Enter'... "— but I don't think you want to watch ' _Win D-Bag's Money'_... Ooh, but ' _Plutiamid'_ comes on right after!"

"... No." ANYTHING but ' _Plutiamid'_! "Don't discredit the local channels. If you saw a commercial for the marathon, it's most likely one of them. Hmph, I wonder if you can even name '2 through 61'?"

"S-Sure I can! There's... er, the news! Ooh, and there's the 'GMINDY' network, where we watch wrestling!"

A provocative eyebrow raise. "Every channel between 2 and 10 shows the news at certain times. And 'GMINDY' is in the 200s... Any further smart guesses?"

"... Okay, we'll check 'em out," the Oracle sighed, her stubbornness cracking under simple pressure. "I can't believe you're better at the whole 'TV' thing than I am..."

"I'll humor the thought that you're too busy with important national duties to memorize the stations."

"Ooh, I like that! I should use that more often!" Content, Chika snuggled even closer to her lover, and Cave held tight like it was second nature. "Welp, 15 is someone's lucky number, so I'm startin' there!"

"Teh, I wish you had the maturity of at least a 15-year-old!"

"I'm forever young, babe, you know that!"

The channel guide hopping continued, but alas, the movie marathon was nowhere to be found in the teens, 20s, or even 30s. However, come station 41...

"Wait!" Cave shouted, her eyes catching a hopeful sign. "Look, this channel's named 'SCRMHD'! Never watched it, but I think it stands for SCREAM."

Little Miss Green(ish) Hair clapped her hands, the sound resonating like a bad voice over. "Good call! Clickity-click!" A moment of loading, before the channel finally graced the couple with its splendid wonders!

 _"The Screamer Channel! Broadcasting your favorite internet 'screamers' 24 hours a day!"_

 _"AHHHHHH!" "Aggggggggh!" "YAAAAAAHHHAAAAAHHHH!"_

"..." Cave and Chika stared dumbfounded for the first eight pictures of grotesque faces and accompanying shrieks and hollers. "Yeah, I... don't know what I was expecting."

"... Change the channel?"

"Change the channel."

On command, the government official raised the remote, and her experienced finger hovered over the 'Chan/Page' button before it pressed the up arrow... Er, it pressed 'up'... 'UP'! "Stupid remote, the buttons don't respond half the time... Just like back home!"

"Want me to tr—"

"Got it!" Like a miraculous pixelvader rising from the raging seas like a kraken on the fritz— "I came up with that one!"— Channel 42 entered our heroines' lives... and a fat blob of a man was seen juggling two red and green dogoos on the left side of the screen as super-fast credits scrolled up on the right. Tch, who actually reads the credits anyway? "Wowzers..."

Cave sighed. "Another dead end? You know, we can use the Search feature to properly find the sta—"

"We found it!" Chika cheered, fists pumping in the air like an airship's presumed engine. "Here it is: the 'Ingsoc' channel, I totally remember now! In about three minutes, the next film is gonna start! ' _Dogoo Dogoo, Blood Smash 2'_... Sounds like a winner!" Sure does...? Pleased, the energetic woman bounced off the sofa and danced over to the kitchen, which predictably housed the cabinets and microwave. "I'mma heat up some popcorn now. Extra butter?"

The SMD warrior was nearly too transfixed by the fat juggling man on the screen to answer, but she ultimately managed. "Eh... sure..." Hmm, wait, that reminds her... neh, for some reason. Ah yeah, Noire's note! Well, a small part of it, at least! "... Chika, check the cabinet above the stove. Erm, and turn the porch light on."

"Hmm, stove? Porch light? Why so?"

"... Noire wants us to give out candy." Most definitely an ironic punishment considering Chika's prisoner status, but Cave didn't say that much. "I think the candy should be in that cabinet."

It was impossible for the red-haired warrior to read her girlfriend's body language, for they were separated by the lone wall that blocked the living room from the kitchen in this oddly-suburban side of the Basilicom, but she knew she must be scratching her head at least. "She really wants us to...? Oh wells, she's the boss, I guess..." She meant to say "the one with the key to freedom", but that would suffice for now... Either way, what followed were curious footsteps, a couple creaking squeaks of rusted hinges, and finally a "Welp, definitely candy up here. Ooh, and a note: 'Do not eat. Chika, this means you!'... Aw, but there's a lot in here! Surely she wouldn't notice if we—"

"Put it in a bowl, Chika." Cave was glad her friend couldn't see her grin worthy of a goof.

"Okaaaaaaaay... Kei could probably scan for my fingerprints anyhow."

Well, the matters resolved themselves without much struggle, with the candy properly bowled and the popcorn sufficiently popped and the slasher flicks getting underway with their slashing. It looked to be a typical simple evening for the two lovers: munching on snacks and watching cheap B-movies. Hell, the fact that they weren't in the Leanbox Basilicom wasn't even different; this had become the norm the past couple of months!

Firmly snug against the stoic soldier, Chika exhaled a pleased breath. "This is gonna be awesome! We have a whole fancy house to ourselves, we got some junk food that our bodies won't thank us for in the morning, we got candy once I can figure out how to sneak a few into my mouth without leaving incriminating evidence, AND we have a movie marathon until dawn! Or, er, 'til 2 AM. Close enough."

"Eloquently... said..." Cave responded with a soft chuckle, her eyes casually watching the images on the television screen. A man in a horrifyingly-buff dogoo outfit was brandishing a dagger the size of a dragon's tooth. "That guy looks friendly."

"Not someone my dad would be okay with me bringing home, that's for sure!"

"... Not the response I was expecting. Besides, would anyone be okay in your dad's eyes?"

"He loves YOU, that's for sure! Er, more ways than one, I think..."

A lighthearted shake of her red-haired head. "I'll ignore that... Either way, it only gets better from here, right? A whole night of back-to-back movies about chaotic psychopaths invading houses and spraying fake blood!... Er, but preferably not CGI blood, because that's no fun."

Cave was content for the most part... but she noticed the girl in her arms tense up like a teenaged campgoer who murdered roughly 11 people and was just discovered by the remaining survivors to actually be a man. "... P-Psychopaths..."

"... Chika? Er, Chiks, you okay?"

What was befalling the scantily-clad Oracle?! "T-That's right... W-We have to look out for a psychopath tonight!" Oh, that. "C-Cavey, what do we do?! I've never hosted for a psychopath before!" Oh, that...? "If he shows up, what do we do?! What do psychopaths like?! Crap, I don't even have any of my cooking supplies!"

Cave facepalmed as clear as any typical male anime protagonist could. She never liked those dorks. "... What? For starters, I don't think the lack of cooking *supplies* is your problem. Second of all... WHAT?!"

Chika detected nothing odd with her thought process, even after her partner's blatant questioning. She works for the government; she doesn't need to observe obvious details like that! "Y'know, to placate him! All these movies where the killer, well, kills people, have you ever seen anyone give him a bite to eat? Some tasty grub?" The SMD warrior raised a finger, but the panicked woman ignored her. "Well, lemme tell you, NO! No one ever does... and they die! Usually by some harpoon to the neck or a machete to the jugular or even a plastic shotgun to the face! I refuse to be another statistic, Cavey!"

"... Can you even hear yourself right now? We're not..." No matter how many times she may shake her head, the situation wouldn't become any more sane. "Listen, I'm pretty certain the psychopath is... nothing to worry about. And if he was, we would not accept him into Lady Noire's home and FEED him! If he... *does* show up, we sweep his leg out from under him, pin him down, and call the police, got it?"

"... Yeah, got it... Still worried, though. He can cut off stone heads without being detected, so what if he's super strong?! AND super hungry?! A super strong, super hungry Decapitator! Mom always told me to look out for them... God, if only I listened sooner!"

"I'm... willing to take the chance, Chika. Trust me, it'll be alright. I'm sure the Decapitator has better things to do than show up and terrorize us." In fact, Cave was a bit more than sure that the Decapitator wasn't going to show up... for that would mean he actually existed at all.

It was all jotted down in Noire's note...

 _Dear Cave,_

 _I know you and Chika are dating, so if it's not too rash of me to ask, may you stay in the Basilicom with her the entire night? I... have a certain task for you if you should accept... and this MUST remain secret, got it?! GOT IT?! N-No telling anyone, not a soul! If Neptune finds out, I'll be better off dead! I can't tell Chika to do this, because she'll blab it like crazy!_

 _Okay... I need you to set my satellite box's recorder to channel 108 and... well, be sure to record tonight's marathon of "My Big Fat Loweean Wedding" Season Five. DO NOT LAUGH, OKAY, OR I WILL FIND YOU! I can't do it myself because this technology is more outdated than Blanc's old virtual reality hunk of junk, so you'll have to set it once it begins at six o'clock! I could wait for the DVD release, but there's never enough bonus features to justify the cost, so this is the best possible option. I trust you can see this mission through to the end, correct? Thank you._

 _Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering, there is no crazy dood... sorry, MAN (damn, Neptune's rubbing off on my vocabulary now. Curse non-erasable ink!) decapitating my busts. That's just a front to keep Chika in check. In all honesty, I'm kinda peeved that she tried breaking into my Basilicom, but she didn't actually get anywhere... and she wasn't one of the brats who egged my house the past few nights, so I don't think her punishment should be as strict as Kei might have informed you. Really, I needed an excuse to get this show recorded, and you two came along at the perfect time! Either way, get this done and everything will be resolved without any issue; THAT much was the truth!_

 _... I sound like a movie villain now, huh? I'm not usually this conniving and secretive! Really! I'm not!_

 _Sincerely, Noire._

 _P.S. We haven't gotten as much Share energy as I feel we should've... so would you also be so kind as to give out some candy tonight? Maybe if we give out candy from the Basilicom itself, the energy will spike beyond the typical level? There's some above the stove, in the cabinet of course; Neptune never looks in there! The pantry, on the other hand... Er, I leave it in your capable hands! Oh, so DON'T SCREW THIS UP! Married or not, I can't let Neptune have a higher Share count than me!_

... Well, that pretty much covered everything, huh? Hmm, and why did Noire... write all those pauses and stammers...? Cave could've told Chika the complete truth of why they were really here tonight... but she wanted to preserve the mystery. Or more accurately, even she could find some pleasure out of messing with her girlfriend. As for why she herself didn't protest? Menial as the task was... at least it gave her something to do. A quest that needed completing.

Now, if only this placated the worrying Oracle in the slightest. She kept silent as the movie's exposition continued on in a choppy fashion, occasionally biting her thumbnail; a sign of deep thought! Eventually, as the red-haired soldier held her tight, she figured out a way to get her mind off of the whole 'psychopath' thing! "... S-So, Cavey, wanna bet how many people get iced in this movie? Nay, all of 'em?" Yep, that was her plan to distract herself from the impending crazed lunatic: boast about accurately guessing other lunatic's 'high scores'!

"Umm..." The SMD warrior could've easily brought up— and perhaps should've— that she had seen this film already, and most likely all the ones that would be airing that night (it'd be harder to find a horror/slasher film she HADN'T seen yet)... but she was trying to be more 'fun' and 'casual', so where would the 'fun' in that be? "Sure, we can play a little game... You wanna make the first wager? Who dies?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm—" This went on for some time. "—mmmmmmmmmmm... Six of the eight main characters, and three of the four side adult people! The janitor's gonna make it, along with the virgin girl and the poofy-haired dweeb! Huh, kinda reminds me of Dad actually." Which... part?

"Come on, you can do better than that! You're playing it way too safe!" Cave thought to herself, tapping her chin playfully. Gosh, had this been seven months ago, there's no way she'd act this casual! Wait, seven, or is it more accurate to say eight months? Freh, who's counting? "Ah, here we go: how many times will someone trip? Double points if it's in the forest and triple if the one who trips does so in the forest and is a camper wearing high heels."

Chika's eyes lit up with the possibilities. "Holy snap, that's gold! Drat, the one time I didn't bring paper and a pencil."

"You never bring paper and a penc—"

"I'll bet that, hmm, y'know, I'm taking a risky guess here! Only... neeeeeeeeh, TWO people will trip, and one will be in the forest with high heels! The other will be a jock on a pier somewhere."

"Heh..." Now, the soldier had a crisis on her hands here. Well, not so much a crisis... but everything sounds so much more dramatic when you word your sentences like that! Anyhow, since the woman already knew this film inside and out, she could easily guess the correct response and win this... er, ill-defined bet with ease! "I suppose then that I shall... go one step higher: I'm betting THREE people will trip, though I agree with the one in the forest!"

The Oracle clapped! "Woohoo, then it's on like copyright infringement, babe! After I fully whip yer tush, I'll... ah, figure out what you gotta give me! It's gonna be too mature for a 'K' rating, though, that's for sure!" Or, she'd go the unexpected route and have Cave do the laundry the whole next month. Chika had a surprisingly clean mind when it actually came down to actions.

Leanbox's enforcer snickered as she leaned back into the sofa. "We'll see about that..." As for who was going to win the bet... Chika had it in the bag. It's the (new) holiday season; Cave'd be festive and let her goof of a lover take the reins for now. Be the results kinky or wonted, at least it beat boring unemployment.

...

The film played on, and Mr. Buff Dogoo had already claimed three lives, but none involving tripping just yet. The couple fell silent for some time, Chika engrossed by the barely R-rated scenes... and Cave's thoughts descended into her mind, if only to a slightly submerged depth. Chika, Basilicom, SMD, no jobs, Noire married, Kei dating, she and Chika dating, Jai Alai, golfing, Lowee, Lastation, Leanbox, Leanbox, Leanbox, rest, rest, rest, change, calm, peace, so fast...

Moving so slow, too fast... Seven months, one year, several years, Chika's face, Chika's zoomed in fac—... Chika's zoomed in face?! "Yo, you okay babe? Your eyes are too low to be staring at the Virgin's butt... Somethin' on your mind?"

Drat, how is she so perceptive? Cave had to figure out something to say to cover her tracks. "Hmm? O-Oh, n-nothing... J-Just thinking, sorry."

"Thinking 'bout what? Stuff?"

"... Yeah, s-stuff..." Crap, her inquisitive face was inching ever so closer! This wasn't gonna cut it, not with her! "Y-Yeah! I-I wanted to ask... what exactly happened last night? Namely, why... did you sneak in? Or, h-haha, 'try' I suppose... I think it's about time we talk about that."

The green-haired girl scrunched her scrutinizing lips, causing Miss Terse's forehead to drip a few scattered globs of perspiration... but luckily, Cave had scored this victory; Chika's head retreated back within her own personal space! "Oh... Guess it makes sense; it's why we're trapped looking out for a Decapi—... er, stuck indoors anyways." Uncharacteristically, the energetic young adult rubbed the back of her long hair nervously. That's a habit someone like Cave or IF would display, not her! "Well, y'know, there's... not much to say! H-Haha, I kinda... screwed up, that's all! Made a bad judgement call, it won't happen again, all that fun stuff. Yeah? Yeah."

Cave completely bought the story. "Er, Chika...?" Totally, wholeheartedly. Dead freakin' serious. "Come on, what really happened? Not even you get stuck through windows often."

The embarrassed Oracle looked around the living room for a second, the falling sun outside painting the walls an all-knowing orange color. Her mom's hair was typically dyed orange, so she knew this was serious!... Wait, huh? Coming to some sort of revelation in her mind, she simply sighed. "... It's pretty stupid... Me and Verty were trick-'r-treating together, but, well, we didn't get as much candy as we felt we should've! For reals, there was this one kid who had like three full bags of stuff, and I'm sure all his energy was going to Lastation and not us... so we got kinda bummed out. Verty didn't frown or anything, but... I knew she was sad. I STILL have 'Vert Sixth Sense', y'know!"

"I wish you had more senses than just that, but go on."

"I have a seventh sense for your booty, if that's what you're implying!"

"... No."

"Anywho, we passed by this ole Basilicom here, and saw that the lights were all off... and Verty mentioned how much Shares we could make if only the Basilicoms gave out candy! I... j-just kept thinking about that Lastation kid with all the sweets, and I got the bright idea to sneak on in this house and find the stash I knew Noire had to have! Either for giving out, or what she gathered the past few nights. Y-Yeah, pretty stupid, huh? E-Entirely my thirst for vengeance to blame, my hubris yadda-yadda'd me. Could make an entire symbolic indie game about my plight."

It was official: Chika was definitely hiding some details about her goings-on last night... but before Cave could further press the issue, the Oracle continued as fast she could, blocking out her own deluge of sweat peppering her forehead. Hey, that completely disrupts the flow of these paragraphs if the same person talks twice in a row!

"B-But enough about that! It just goes to show how annoying Lastation's rules are, yeah?" Y-Yeah... No. "Lastation has crummy rules and is too hard on outsiders like us! Back on Leanbox, everything's fair and awesome and sparkling... Living in the Basilicom with Verty and you is the best thing I could ever ask for! A peaceful life in the best place on Gamindustri's weird soil! We never need to leave... We can just live there forever!" The girl blinked for a moment, missing the fact that Cave was nearly sinking deeper into the welcoming couch. "... Hmm, there's nothing I want more than to live with you forever on Leanbox, Cavey. You feel the same?"

The red-haired coolheaded general's eyes widened like two melons caught in the supermarket's headlights. Yep, more sweat... Well, it may be night five of Halloween, but it's not actually October, so at least she could use the season's heat as an excuse for that. "H-Huh?! O-Oh, y-yeah, it does sound pretty fun... B-But I mean, m-maybe we shouldn't think about this so fast, j-just in case we get sick of the color gre—"

Before the stylish soldier could dig her grave even deeper, a ringing chime resonated from the wooden front door's frame, into the living room and kitchen, and— while hopefully no one was there currently to hear it— even down the long halls of the residence and in the secret library! 'Twas the doorbell... It was time.

The Basilicom's first trick-or-treater! An odd source of momentary salvation for the equally-odd Cave, but one she happily accepted all the same. "... Y-You have that bowl ready? Seems we have our first guests."

Chika's questioning eyebrow laxed as she realized the possibilities the ringing doorbell meant. "You... don't think it's the Decapitator, do you?!"

"... It's barely '6', Chika; no one in their right mind would decapitate statues when it's still light out," she replied as she stood from the couch and hovered over to the door.

The Oracle followed suit, before tucking into the kitchen to claim the bowl filled with chocolatey (and some peanut butter and caramel for good measure... but that's not nearly as poetic) goodness. "He's a psychopath, though! Of COURSE he's not in his right mind! Outta his gourd, y'know! Huh, speaking of, Noire doesn't have any pumpkins tonight... What's up with that?"

"... Just trust me on this, okay?" Cave chuckled, seizing the candy container from her girlfriend. "How's this: you hide while I answer the door. If it's the Decapitator, I'll give him a kick for you. Can't help you with the jack-o'-lanterns, though."

Chika shrugged and gave an understanding nod, accepting the idea and backpedaling into the open kitchen doorway. "Okay, but you better keep safe! Remember what Mom always says: the crazy ones swipe for the jugular first!"

"I'll... keep that in mind, thank you." With a snarky exhale of air, Miss SMD reached for the doorknob... but stopped just before turning the handle. She thought about everything that had been on her mind again... and reclaimed that breath she had just let loose. "... Well, I'm on Lastation," she whispered. "If nothing else, I'm guaranteed to see some fresh faces at least."

Feeling adventurous in the same way she had tried to for the past few months, Cave opened the door... and was greeted to the sight of Vert's smiling face sticking out of a skin-tone foam costume. "Oh? What a surprise! Why, good evening, Cave!

Shoulda guessed, the warrior thought to herself with an internal sigh. "Hello, my Lady..." She took a moment to trail her eyes down her CPU's outfit... and she quite frankly had no clever words or remarks to make about her observation. As such, all she could utter was "You're a leg...?"

"Ahum! Not just any leg: MY leg! My right one to be exact!" She gave a ladylike curtsy, which didn't mitigate any amount of Cave's confusion. "Isn't it exquisite?! I wore my head yesterday, my left leg the night before, and my arms the first two nights!"

"A-Ah, I see... C-Clever!" What else could she say? What could you? "J-Just curious... w-what do you have planned for the next two nights? Used up your appendages already, h-haha..."

The elegant goddess winked, sticking her tongue out like a playful flirt. Or simply like Vert. "Oho, I have two more *particular* body parts to *moonlight* around as, don't you worry..." Er, she didn't use that term right, did she? But Cave was certainly not going to be the one to mention that to her face. On that note, she still couldn't say anything meaningful at all, actually... which gave Green Heart 'ample' time to change the subject. "Oh, that reminds me: is this where you've been residing the last few weeks? You're never around the Basilicom for long these days! I suppose things have been boring lately."

The SMD warrior scratched her head; told you that was one of her trademarked nervous ticks! "N-No, that's not... it... I-I'm just house-sitting for Noire tonight... Part of Chika's punishment."

"Oh my! Chika's punishment is being stuck in a luxurious house alone with her beautiful girlfriend? No wonder Noire has so many fans if this is her idea of problem solving!"

On cue, the Oracle finally peeked out from around the kitchen opening. "I-Is that my Verty I hear?!" It took her this long to hear? What, were her ears focusing solely on the movie? Even while she was in a different room? "V-Verty, I'm coming!" The bubbly babe bounced off the marble floor of the kitchen, soared straight over the wooden floor of the living room, prepared to glide right out the door to grab her 'sister' in an immense hug... but stopped as soon as she realized the CPU was not alone and planted herself firmly beside Cave. Chika had feared the Decapitator... but standing right behind Lady Green Heart was perhaps someone scarier (for the night, at least): Kei. One of the two people who had ordered Chika off the streets for the next few nights, no exceptions! The prison warden to her soul. And soles.

"That's a good girl," Kei flatly remarked, not doing a well enough job of maintaining a stoic aura around herself. Granted, that was hard to do when she was dressed as a purple-hatted tall and lanky plumber. Is that reference recursive if an expy of the actual character already showed up in an earlier fic?

Vert didn't seem to mind Chika's hesitation around the Oracle of Lastation; in fact, she seemed almost charmed, as evidenced by the hand her happy cheek was resting against. "It's great to see you are alright, Chika. I must apologize for last night; it is entirely my fault you are in this quandary in the first place!"

Hearing the goddess shoulder the blame made Chika feel almost as bad as when Cave stuck up for her roughly an hour and a half earlier. "N-No, Vert, y-you can't blame yourself! I-I was the stupid one!"

"Feh, let's just agree you're both stupid..." Wait, that voice?! A third voice? Yes, Cave noticed a short figure walking up right next to Kei... Lady White Heart?! Donning the appearance of... er, a paper-thin rapping dog? You think the two have their outfits flipped?... Oh well, now this was one strange party! Why was Blanc and Kei in a group with Vert? "Anyways, give us the damn candy and let's get out of here. You've held us up enough already, Thunder Tits!" Pleasant as ever.

The green-haired Oracle under house-arrest clenched two annoyed fists, but her lover lightly pushed her back, stopping any confrontation before it could occur. "Steady, Chika... Greetings, Kei, Blanc." A polite half-nod to both of them. Drat, if only she wore a hat she could tip! "What is with this arrangement, if you don't mind me asking?" As she asked, Cave took special care not to look at the pair of hands holding each other lovingly. Kei's and Blanc's hands, joined as one... Don't look at it, she mustn't look at it...

White Heart opened her mouth, but Vert's voice won out in the speed department. "The thought of going door-to-door alone was just too much for my poor heart to bear! So, Blanc and Miss Kei offered to be my escorts for the night in Chika's stead! I hope you are not mad, my dear sister?"

The irritated goddess leaned close to her lover, whispering "The hell's she on about? We had no frickin' say in her fat ass following us!"

Kei smirked. "Keep your enemies close, Blanc."

"... You just want her around for her massive tits."

"..."

Unaware of those background proceedings, the scantily-clad professional waved her hands before her face like a pop idol whose swimsuit had just been snipped off by a crab. This never happened to 5pb, for the record. "N-No, I'm glad you're not alone, Vert! Please, have a great time!"

Another smile befitting a heavenly entity! "You are the greatest, Chika. My sincere thanks! I will make up for this trouble soon, I promise you."

Chika bowed, her face little more than a battlefield of entranced red, before backing off and allowing Cave to hand out the candy. Ooh, 'Libra Zebra' bars! Weird, though, the wrappings of the rest of the candy in the bowl look entirely different... Different brands?

Oh, moving right along... As the redhead did so, however, she attempted to make small talk with the CPU of Lowee. "So, Lady Blanc... where are the children? Are they out with Mina? I would've assumed they'd want to trick-or-treat with you?" Cave, making small talk? The mint-haired lady inside stroked her chin curiously as she watched from a few feet away. Interesting...

Whatever was going on, the foul-mouthed goddess thought for a moment, then shrugged. "The brats? They're back home, in their rooms. Got caught egging houses the past few nights, and not houses begging to be egged either. No candy for either of them tonight!" With a puff, she crossed her arms beneath her... lack of a chest. "Teachin' them some discipline. It'll build character."

"You, teaching Ram and Rom discipline?" Green Heart laughed, playfully nudging the shorter woman. Blanc was not amused. "How amusing! Why, I can see it now: their big sister teaching them the proper form of tossing a hard-boiled egg at a wooden shack in the middle of the night!" A knowing wink. "I'm surprised you couldn't teach them any escape plans. You're short and... not encumbered with any excess chest weight; running should be no issue!"

"Y-You...! D-Don't make me kill you! I'll shave that leg to the bone, dammit!" Friends 'til the end...

The petty passive-aggressiv—... Okay, the not-so-passive-aggressive bantering continued, and Cave and Kei shared a moment of eye contact, the redhead giving an apologetic eyebrow raise. The boyish Oracle simply waved her hand, before turning and grabbing her lover's arm. "That's enough, you two. We have a lot of ground to cover if we're to beat the nighttime rush."

The blonde CPU, still smiling bright enough to make Blanc sick for days on end, nodded after receiving her chocolate drop for this stop. "Yes, you are correct. We must visit the rich neighborhoods before it gets dark and everyone comes out! Let us embark for Avenir first, at once!"

"... Do you have any sense of irony? Shame? Do you even remember that they tried to kill you once?" White Heart groaned. Hmm, and more than once is what she should've said. Still, she didn't care for those minor details, and the short-tempered CPU attempted to palm her face in a little known act occasionally called a "face palm"... but Kei stopped her by gripping her hand as a loving couple would. "... Gah, forget it. Rich folk are a Share goldmine. Later Cave. Later idiot."

"I heard that!" Chika shouted from inside. "A-And bye, Vert! C-Call me when you get home, alright?! I have to make sure you didn't catch a cold! Make sure you wear a scarf under that fine leg of yours!"

Meanwhile, Cave simply waved. Unfortunately, this time the SMD warrior could not avoid looking at the public display of affection in the form of holding hands. She plastered a faint smile on her pale-toned face... but it wasn't the most earnest show of happiness she ever made, that's for dang sure.

Green Heart did not catch this, and she chuckled as she turned to follow the unlikely couple. "It is August, Chika. I will not be needing the scarf, but thank you ever so much for your concern!" With that, the three walked o— Hold up, Vert's paused in mid-step! "Oh, and Cave?"

"Y-Yes, my Lady?"

"That is a lovely Halloween .7 costume you are wearing! I've heard you haven't gone out so far this week, so I'm surprised you're dressing up for the occasion!"

"Costume...?" Cave looked down... and oh snap, she was still wearing her Loweean golf uniform! Not that Lowee has its own personalized golfing attire; that's simply where she was this morning before she received the... 'Chika call'. "... T-Thank you, my Lady... I, er, try." Playing it off seemed to be the best choice. Vert simply nodded as she faced the other way, and happily hummed off of the Basilicom's premises. Just like that, the evening's first group of trick-or-treaters had come and gone. How fast time flies by: it only took over 1,600 words for that one scene!

Once the trio were out of sight (but nowhere near out of mind), Cave looked back at her outfit... and clapped, causing the uniform to explode like an anime shinobi's would after getting struck by a mole-thrown snowball. Amazing... Oh, before anyone gets any shifty ideas, she was wearing her standard maid/nurse/whatever clothes underneath them the whole time, so the only fan-service you'd get would be a dramatic zoom in on the fabric. Not that this would turn away many people on the Internet.

Either way, with everything quiet and back to normal, the SMD warrior placed the candy bowl on the floor beside the doorway and closed the entrance shut. "Well, that was... fun..." Deep in thought, the somewhat-bothered girl held the doorknob for a few silent moments, staring down at her shoes and refusing to move from the spot.

By now, Chika was back on the sofa, the dogoo man claiming a fifth victim with a leaf-blower... but she noticed her girlfriend's strange actions and eyed her curiously. She sure was... acting, erm, strange, eh? First, she gave that really weird answer to her innocuous question, and then she responded rather unusually to three of their friends showing up. Cave had always been somewhat awkward... but the Oracle was beginning to sense that something more was afoot.

She had to think... Thinkity think think... Thinkythinkythinky— "So, Cavey, how was YOUR day?"

"Hmm?" the soldier hummed, slowly looking up at her girlfriend. "My day?"

"Yeah! Well, yesterday, I guess I mean. I was at the Basilicom all day with Verty, we went trick-'r-treatin', I got stuck in a window... How 'bout you? Ya never told me how your Jai Alai tryouts went."

C-Crap, Cave was put right back on the spot! Oh, well, at least this time it's not about living in the Basilicom forever and ever and ever and eve— "Okay, for starters, I don't think we have to capitalize 'Jai Alai' each time. It's just a sport, after all, like—"

"Dogoo Bowling?"

"Not what I was going with, but fine." She shook her tense head, her grip loosening around the golden knob. "As for the tryouts... not so, er, 'hot'. I'm... not fit for a Lastation fronton, turns out." What she meant by this is she got smacked in the chest with a speeding pilota, accidentally took down the recruiter with said pilota immediately afterwards, and ended up dishonorably smashing the cesta in half with her frustrated knee. All-in-all, one of Cave's better sport outings. "From there? Not much else, really..." The red-head thought for a moment, her eyes showing a lack of enthusiasm most... disturbing. Her next words came out in what sounded to be a deadpan tone even a cute android-ish alien high-school girl would blink a few times at. "Went to Lowee to try out some... golf next, but the course was closed due to inclement weather. Stayed the night, got to the course the next morning... and found out you were detained for unholy infiltration. Damn airship took close to seven hours to get here because the pilot forgot how to fly." Upon finishing her spiel, the soldier scrunched her lips before shrugging. "... That's about it."

Chika pulled on her left earlobe, ironically in no affiliation with the man having his earlobe yanked off on the TV screen. "Is... that so? Huh... Well... alrighty then... I'm sorry about the... jai alai thing not working out."

"... It's fine. Just a careless whim, nothing major."

"Like... that song? _Careless Whimper_?"

"... What? It's _Careless Whisp_ —... It doesn't matter..." This was pointless! Sighing as she is wont to do, Cave was unable to stop her right arm from reaching up into her hair, allowing her fingers to graze her scalp. "Listen, don't worry about it, Chika."

The Oracle frowned, crossing her legs and sitting upright on the couch. "Cavey, I may be bumbly, but I'm not an idiot! You underestimate how much Mom and Dad taught me! I know that something's wrong; you're being more dry than usual! Dry, kinda awkward, random fascination with golf and jai-alai..." Wow, a third possible way to write a single sport's name! "Why can't you just tell me?"

Childish as she may seem to an outsider, the slightly-older woman had eyes that could pierce tyrants! Cave looked away as best she could, not wanting to be sucked in without protection. "N-Nothing's wrong, really! I just... wanted to try something new..."

"I dunno, you don't sound very convincing when you look shiftier than a villain with a twirly mustache!"

"I-I'm not shifty!" As sweat poured down— far too much for the heat to serve as a simple scapegoat— the doorbell rang suddenly as it did before... followed by a loud and obnoxious knocking. Due to her fingers still wrapped around the handle, the SMD warrior was able to snap the door wide open within seconds! "Hello?"

Unfortunately, the door opened so swiftly, and the face from inside was so stern and fierce looking, the trick-'r-treater was caught quite unaware. The man, a grizzled older man of unfathomable age (read: mid thirties) and clad in a blue horsebird costume, let out a surprised yelp at the sudden outburst and made for the hills! He's jumpy at fast motions and not good with loud sounds... Gee, let's hope he's never been a hunter!

"Well, that was distracting," Cave mused as she shut the door and... Y-YIPE! Chika's face had returned to invading the stoic woman's sprite limit! Er, personal space. "W-Woah!"

"Lookin' pretty shifty to me, Cavey!"

On pure survival instinct befitting a professional enforcer of Leanbox, the red-haired girl backed away... but damn, her back's firmly against the wall! There's nowhere to run! "I-I told you, don't worry about it!"

The mint-haired "super secretary" scowled at that pathetic display. "Just tell me what's wrong! We're supposed to share everything, babe!"

"I-I know, but..." Still so stubborn... Cave raised her hands as if she was offering to surrender, and Chika got the hint and backed away. "... I just... am jet-lagged, I guess. Hell, I don't even know if the right term IS jet-lagged if I rode an airship, so that just makes it more tiring..."

The Oracle wasn't exactly satisfied with this answer, but she relented enough to escort her girlfriend back to the couch. "... Bah, I can't be mad at you!" A soft hand found Cave's clenched right fist. "But... I always worry about ya, Cave. No matter how much I try to bonk it into yer thick head—" On cue, she rose her free hand to... lightly bonk her girlfriend's crown? Oh, well that was entirely predictable. "—you always bottle everything up still!" Cave promptly swatted the incessant hand away, but her lover continued undaunted! "We've been through hell, we've fought the Devil... like a gazillion times, we've fought wars, we've STOPPED wars... Hell, we even DIED!" Long story. "But even after all that, you still don't express yourself too well! Let it all hang out, hang loose! You know you can trust me with, like, everything, right? I mean, we ARE married!"

"Yeeeee-aaaaaah... About that. Turns out, the world doesn't accept marriage documents from 15 years ago written in half-eaten crayon."

"Half-CHEWED, Cavey! I never swallowed!"

"... I won't even dignify that—"

"'With a response'? Teehee, we're married, so of course I can predict your every word!"

"Oh brother..." Still, despite herself, the SMD warrior was back to smiling. "... But I get it. Thanks, Chika. Really though, I'm fine. Jai alai just took a lot out of me."

On the television screen, the Virgin, the poofy-haired Dweeb, a blonde cheerleader, and a creepy suspicious football player in black robes were hiding beneath the pier as Mr. Dogoo Man walked above. His feet stood just a few inches short of Blondie's head. He creeped closer... closer... closer... Oh, but back at the couch, Leanbox's professional simply chuckled, stretching her arms behind her back. "You're such a bad liar, Cavey... but I get the hint! Heh, it'll come out eventually, I'm sure of it. I mean, YOU did."

Heck, she couldn't even be sure what that entirely meant, but the soldier's face went redder than RED's hair. "W-What?! A-And bad liar?! I am NOT a bad liar!" A lie?

"Pffft! As if! As bad a liar as you were when we were kids! Heckles, maybe even worse! You were NEVER able to hide ANYTHING from me!"

"'Heckles'?! O-Oh yeah?! Tell me of one such instance that corroborates your acquisition!" Ooh, she's speaking fancy! That means she's on the run!

Chika's eyes lit up at the dare... and secretly, so did Cave's. "Oh... I got just the thing for ya, sister!"

* * *

 _ **"Don't ever let me find you gone... 'cause that would bring a tear... to me..."**_


	3. Sic Parvis

"Whatcha got there, Cavey? Ooh, ooh, show me, show me!"

The pint-sized red-haired child cowered away as her slightly-older friend reached for her bookbag. "N-Not now, Chika! I-I... I-It's for show and tell!"

"But I want to see it NOW!" the rambunctious rascal whined, tapping her sneakers upon the classroom's dirt-speckled tiled floors. "C'mon, I don't hide my secwets fwom you, do I?"

The shy girl turned away, gripping her arm through her pink sweater. "Well, you never told me you had an aunt until a few days ago. An aunt who's barewy owld enough to be your owlder sister!"

"Well, we weren't MARRIED until a few days ago, geez! A-And she's just annoyingwy young-wooking!" Her small head shook off the thought. "Wook, just show me already!"

Cave, a quickly-deteriorating makeshift iris flower ring wrapped around her tiny finger, covered her nervous ears with her sweaty palms. "N-No! I-It's a su-super secwet!"

It was just another day at Celestia Turner Elementary, a public school for young future Leanbox scholars... and by 'just another day', that's of course a downright stinking lie! In fact, there's nothing true about that statement you just wasted your time reading! But what, then, was the momentous occasion of which the fabled ones doth currently speak, recounting the events for your benefit? Well, it was a week before Halloween... and thus time for the school's improperly-scheduled signature event of the fall: "Show, Pen(n), and Tell'er!"

Kids across all grades and homerooms had to, as per tradition, bring in a super-important item of which they had a special connection with... and 'show' it to everybody! Not only that, but they needed to write a brief description of their hallowed artifact— the 'Pen' of the event's title— and 'Tell' everyone about it!

... Oh yeah, and since there were primarily girls in this unisex school for some reason, that's where the 'er!' came in! Ah, and once all the displays were through, everyone had to scribble a quick writing assignment of their fellow classmates' treasures and trinkets... which gives us the '(n)'. Easy! There'll be a test on everything in this story later, so be sure to remember i—

"Pwease? Pweeeeeeety pwease?!" Um, as you can see, our dear first(-or-some-odd) graders were fully caught up in the mandatory unenjoyable fun! "I'll show you one of Mom's books if you do!"

Cave's thin eyebrow raised; amazing, she's already developing the facial muscle reflex she'll use so heartily in the future! "Did you... sneak into her woom again? She almost took your TV wights away wast time you did dat, wemember?"

The boastful juvenile simply tapped her chest with a proud thumb. A VERY proud thumb! It's fine to use the word 'VERY' here, because she's still too young to know better. Though, y'know, maybe people shouldn't be so stuck up with vocabulary that they rip out their hair over nothing. "No fears, I'm a master swoo—... master swewf—... no... master—"

"'Sweuth'?" Close enough. Give her some slack; she's a young kid in a rose-tinted flashback!

"Yeah, what you said! Dere's no way Mom could find me dis time!"

"... You still haven't pwoven to me you're good at sneaking awound."

"Dat doesn't matter right now, I'll pwove it wayter! Now just show me!" Still too youthful to realize her abrasive behavior, the future 'oracle' of the very nation she currently attended an ignominious elementary school on reached once more for Cave's book-bag, latching onto it with a set of greedy fingers. "Haha!"

The red-haired wallflower's face burned up, and she pulled back as hard as she could against her overzealous best friend. "Leggo!"

"Nopperoni!"

"Speak normal!"

"Hey, you stahted it!"

Cave had to think of something fast! Wow, even back then, things were still the exact same... "Grrrr..." Hmm, hmmmmm... Yes, a distraction is what she needed! "... W-Wook, Chika, dere's another you!"

"W-Woah, weally?! Finawwy, all dose mantwa spells paid off!" As predictable as she is, ah, named Chika, the green-haired youngster's attention was stolen by false promises of her fellow clones, and her grip thusly ceased to be a factor in ruining the shy girl's day. However, the rascal was wiser than she let on: she realized her mistake almost immediately, her eyes growing wide and a scowl forming on her lips. "... Hey, wait a stinkin' minute! Dere's not anodda me in here! Oh, you sneaky sneak-face!"

"You were asking for it!" The social non-butterfly's cheeks were still flushed... but a smile had begun to tug on the corners of her own mouth. Sure, the ordeal was kinda embarrassing, but no one in the classroom seemed to even be paying any attention to the two squabblers... and Chika's desperation was pretty funny.

But someone certainly didn't think so! Her older friend gave a defiant foot stomp, enough to shake pixelated titans from their heavenly thrones! "Well, fuh-fine! I'll just GUESS what you bwought! I'm a pwo at sniffing out secwets! Huh, how's dat sound?!"

Cave tried to contain her grin. "Sure, I'd wike to see you twy!"

"Okay then!" The long-haired child thought in silence for a moment, clasping her chin as an intellectual would. Don't worry, the quips just write themselves. "Hmm... Sneh... Fweawrf... Aha, got it!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep! You're hiding a moose!"

"... Huhm... No, not a moose."

"All rightio... Den a horse. No, no, a book!"

"... What kinda book?"

"Ummmmm, a BIG book!"

"Well no to all of those, horse incwuded!"

"Bah, you tease!" She had already used her best guesses... Donuts, what could the answer be?! "Wet me ffink a momen—"

SLAM, went the classroom's door, disrupting Chika's ill-fated thinking endeavors... and in marched a parade of school teachers, roughly eight to be exact. Four from the current grade, and the other four from who knows where. As far as Cave and Chika were concerned, these strangers didn't exist until they made it to those educational years... but that didn't stop them from fearing them all the same, and as thus, the two whippersnappers quickly sprang into their seats like good little sheep.

Our heroines' instructor, an ample-chested woman who would make Blanc envious had this been the future (and secretly make Kei want to give a hardy thumbs up), audibly cleared her throat as she approached the front of the room... and when the rest of the unseen rowdy kids refused to pipe down, she promptly lifted a Physics book and dropped it hard upon her desk. Do kids learn Physics in first grade? Some poor saps don't even get Chemistry as a high-school course! "Okay, class, it is time for our scheduled event to begin!" Ooh, and she pronounced it as "Shed-you-eld", so you know she's the elegant type! "Now... who would like to be a brave soul and come up here first?" Standing in a circle around the first graders like hungry shark-themed gangsters from a not-so-elegant side of town, the other teachers all nodded... Yep, that's all they can do. It's easier to get through with things when you limit the amount of characters in a scene, even if theoretically you turn the bystanders into uncanny looping NPCs.

Predictably, no one in their right mind wanted to raise their hands and voluntarily become the first lamb to the literal (proverbial) slaughter... so Chika raised hers instead. "Ooh, ooh, Teach! Pick Cavey, she's been dying to go all day!"

Cave's jaw dropped, and the urge to violently stuff a lemon (or even a bag of grapes) into her best friend's mouth rose to unprecedented levels... but she had to contain herself. She was the 'goody two-shoes' of the class... and she couldn't afford to have that important image tarnished!

The teacher simply nodded in slight surprise at Chika's reveal, and looked at the quiet redette beside her. "Is that true, Cave? Well, great, how wonderful! Please, tell the room what you've brought for us, angel?"

This act of treachery wouldn't be forgotten... Defeated, the future SMD warrior sighed out a meek "Okay..." before standing up and politely pushing in her chair. At least, she reassured herself, things couldn't get worse. She'd show off her important item, get done with it, and then she could sit back down and watch Chika make a fool of herself since she obviously didn't bring anything today. All would be well soon enough...

"... AHA! I know it now!" Chika shouted louder than a group of crying tree-frog-eating dragons on the cusp of Spring who had just been awoken in their ice caves by a supernatural girl— with an 'R'-shaped ponytail— from another dimension, her voice blindsiding everyone like a thing that blindsides people. "You bwought a stick of dynamite! It all makes sense!"

"Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What?!" But before Cave even finished sputtering out her abhorred shock, the damage had already been done; the teachers surrounding the perimeter heard the word "dynamite" and understandably began to panic. One ran out into the hallway to pull the fire alarm, another latched onto the misunderstood girl's backpack and rifled through its contents, and most of the others fled from the scene, the children in tow. "Ch-Ch-Chika, you IDIOT!"

"... H-Hehe, oops. Guess dat wasn't it?"


	4. Chapter 2: All's Well That Ends Well

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh~..." Firmly satisfied, Chika sank as far back into the sofa as she could. "Memories!"

Cave, eyes closed, found herself nodding along, almost as if jamming out to a music track only she could hear. So nice... So peaceful... So '70s... So... wait? "Er, Chika, what... was the point of remembering that again?"

"... Hmm?" The Oracle snapped open one eye, looking at her lover blankly. Never the greatest sign. "Oh, uh... Hmm, I don't really remember."

"A...huh..." Truth be told, this wasn't very surprising news... nor was it detrimental to the SMD warrior's soul either. "I still can't believe you did that, though... and then you got mad at me when my 'wedding' ring corroded in the rain roughly two days later! I should've had a free pass FOREVER, especially when I bought you your twin-bow with my entire piggy bank's savings just to make it up to you!"

The mint-haired babe's eyes drifted up to the ceiling, even as the Dweeb on the television stumbled upon the severed head of one of the camp counselors. Oh, is she lost in her thoughts? Must be thinking of a proper response to her girlfriend's clumsy expositio— er, her fair poi— "Now I'm really bothered... What WERE you actually gonna share, Cavey? I don't remember."

Ah, of course she would drop the subject of her total and utter guilt! But... that was a good point all the same. "Oh, er... I don't quite... remember either," Cave trailed, feeling more bothered than she definitely should. How could she... not remember a simple minor detail of her past? She basically LIVED there these days! "Huh, hold on, maybe it was... Shammy the Shamrock? No... Maybe it was Ellie, my—" Darn, she'd regret bringing this up, as made obvious by her timidly-toned cheeks. "—plush elephant..." It took all her power not to say 'snuggle buns'. True story! "Though, it could also have been my LWWF figurine set."

Chika casually turned her head as an arm trailed around Cave's shoulder. Role reversal, take a sip! Oh, sorry, we're not playing that drinking game yet. You'd be dead before the end simply by words involving arm movements. "I DO remember Ellie! Cute gal, her. Had a couple dreams about her back then..." Is she talking about a plush...? "Wait, what's the LWWF?" Now we'll never know!

"'Leanbox Wide Wrestling Federation'."

"Ohhhh... I only really know the LWF. That, and 'Completely Real Actioney Punch', but that's always sucked."

"Yeah, LWWF turned into LWF... but LWE is their name now. They lost a lawsuit to a Lastation matango awareness group years back."

"Ah... Wait, where did matangos fit into the whole LWF acronym thingy?"

"... I'm not entirely sure."

"That makes me feel a bit better then... Gee, Life Is Stran—"

"Weird. Say 'Weird'."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, Life Is Stange Weird."

"Um... Yeah..."

As the blonde cheerleader found herself on the unfortunate end of the dogoo-themed psychopath's not-so-accurate molecular deatomizer, the Leanbox duo fell oddly silent, a familiar awkward air rearing its ugly figurative head. Curse antisocial repetitiveness!

Time wore on, and soon the Virgin, the Dweeb, and the Janitor made it to safety after dropping Dogoo Man into a den of exploding coconuts. Also good to note for the next eventual sequel, the creepy jock was actually behind the Dogoo Man's entire existence. He got pushed into a wood chipper... but he'll be back.

One film down, but there were still many more to enjoy! Next up was ' _Arch-vile 2'_... Gripping.

However, the two lovers needed to break out of this conversational lull before they could fully enjoy this cinematic masterpiece to its fullest! Chika hemmed and hawed her focus all around the living room... until the sudden idea hit her to not look beyond, but simply right below her! Below her butt, to be precise! What could possibly go wrong?

"Sooooo, Cavey," the Oracle cooed, attempting her most seductively-charged tone yet! "Ya know this very couch? The one our chaste little booties are sitting on right now?"

The wannabe-stoic redette's eyes closed halfway, turning towards her lover with a slight sensation of bubbling consternation. "Y'know, this isn't the first time you've used the word 'chaste'... I'm beginning to think you aren't quite intimate with its true definiti—"

"I've heard... that on Christmas, our own innocent little duckling friends who happen to go by the names of..." Dramatic pause! DRAMATIC PAUSE! "Nisa and Gust... Well, they spent the night under an illuminated tree. Right here. On this couch. Where we're sitting. Woah... Mind equals blown."

"What?" Cave blurted out, not quite expecting to hear those two get brought up. "Nisa? Gust? Christmas? What, last Christmas? The one where we got toge— Er, well, you know..."

A grin full of, er, bad intent shined on the professional's candid mug. "Yep!" Beat. "Oh... Um, actually, two Christmases ago. The one where me and Verty went on a sleigh ride. Ooh, and when it snowed here in Lastation, despite the weather forecasts!"

Ah, yes, who could forget that timeless tale? Cave was... admittedly not in the best state of mind back in those days, but even remembering the bad times were... a load off her mind right now. "Heh, I see... Hmm, those two didn't stick with us in the main group, if I remember correctly. What are you... implying they, er, did in their solitude?"

"Shishishishishi," Chika guffawed, a silvery glint in her eye. "I'm saying that they... kept each other warm, ALL. NIGHT. LONG!"

"... What, they... cuddled?" But the super soldier already suspected the true answer.

A true answer that her girlfriend wanted to reveal in the most artsy and cryptic way possible... but ultimately just ended up revealing head-on. "Nope, more than that! Those two... went _all the way_!"

"Y-You're... saying they...?" Basically, Nisa and Gust made their chaste little booties... not so chaste anymore. "Right... on this couch? That's absurd! Wouldn't anyone have caught them?"

Now the scantily-clad professional's finger tickled the area between her nose and upper lip. So, um, under her nose. "Neptune and Noire found them cuddling at like midnight..." Ah, so Neptune must've been the one to spill the beans. "The two have never said anything on the matter... but I have an eighth sense for if my friends 'did it' or not, and they DEFINITELY did!"

"... H-Huh... i-is that so?" As before with talks of marriage and seeing the all-too obvious signs of Kei's and Blanc's relationship with each other, Cave's face turned a whiter shade of pale at the drop of a hat. Absentmindedly, her bottom shifted uncomfortably against the sofa's soft cushioning... and everything around her suddenly felt that much more dirty. Hmm... she's not a neat-freak, is she? Well, duh, but... No, this seemed a bit... different, somehow.

"Yep, those two totally bonked on this couch! And they sat hella close together at the wedding last year too, so who knows, they might even be bonking every ni—"

"H-Hey, look, the next film's starting! W-Wanna make a bet on this one too?!"

Chika seemed quite taken aback by her lover's blatant interruption... which once again raised a crappola of questions again. However, even she knew her limits; she decided against raising any concern this time. "... O-Oh, yeah, sw-sweet! ' _Arch-vile 2'_ , eh? I've heard about this one on the Internet for, like, ages! Been dyin' to see it." Just this once, she'd let the issue slide. JUST this once. "This is the one about hellish imps being strict vegans, and thus they turn their victims into plants, right? Never saw the first one though... That one important to see?"

"Heh... This isn't actually a sequel. It's a Hanedan knockoff of the standalone ' _Arch-vile_ '... which also featured plants as a central element, oddly enough, but no intentional connection."

"Ooh, pretty weird. Y'know, for a place called Gamindustri... there sure are a whole lotta movies out there. Is there some secret land of Movindustri somewhere in the world?"

"... Teh, either that's a good point, or I'm going insane. Probably the latter."

"Dah, can't it be both?"

Cave internally smiled before yawning into her hand, which she then moved over her girlfriend's shoulder, her arm (take a sip!) back in its original location. "Heheh..." She's... still getting used to taking things easy like this, so please forgive her if her good-natured attempts at laughter come across as 'outrageously creepy'. "As I was going to say before, this isn't a slasher movie, but I think we can find something easy to bet on. Like, maybe how many times the characters SPEAK with improPER inFLEcTIon?"

Ah, here comes the vintage '90s title crawls... Wait, what exactly constitutes the '90s in Movindus— er, Gamindustri? More importantly, though... do you seriously think Chika cares? "Somethin' tells me you're trying to hustle me, babe! You know this film in and out! Bah, seeking revenge already, just 'cus I beat you in the first flick!" Was that the result? They hadn't yet referenced their original betting lines... Oh well, the girl faked a pout... but she's as bad a liar as the stern one. As such, pretend frowning proved too painful to uphold for even a scarce few short seconds, and she went right back to the confident grin she rarely left home without! "... But you're totally on! Riiiiiiight—" As if propelled by plutonium-laced rocket springs on the soles of her shoes, one half of our heroine partnership instantly launched from the couch and practically— okay, 'VIRTUALLY' for the critics— flew towards the kitchen opening... and thus the entrance to the typical ranch house-style hallway. Noire sure went for a down-to-earth feel for this Basilicom, sheesh. "—after I wash up a bit in the, as the fancy folk say, water closet! Be right back!"

"... If you have to use the bathroom, you can just say it!" Cave called, too stunned at her girlfriend's apparent ability to fly to really say anything else. "Sheesh..." How's that for original word choice? "She's so open about everything else, but she's too embarrassed to even say 'toilet'... I don't get her sometimes..." Sometimes? Ha! Her mind was having a good chuckle at that thought!

Well, Chika would be gone for a few minutes... Might as well watch the film for now, maybe think of some bets that won't ever be referenced again.

 _"They CAN! They CAN! IMPS still exist! Your Grandpa Pathik is TELLing you!"_

... How many of Cave's days now amounted to kicking back on a sofa, or a rocking chair, or the edge of a soft, hastily-made bed... and just watching TV? Just chatting with Chika? Just... talking about friends and allies and how well everyone was doing? Hearing all the great stories, all the strives everyone had made over the past two years. Thinking about how they all had changed so much, they... were nearly entirely different people. It's amazing how much can change, and how *fast*! Different people with different goals, dreams, likes, wants, needs...

"... Nisa and... Gust, huh? That... makes a lot of sense..." The SMD warrior's mind trailed back to the earlier abandoned conversation about this sacred couch, and the two friends who had similarly graced this exact same area nearly two full years ago. Nisa and Gust... Were even they in love? Neptune and Noire were married, and Kei and Blanc had been dating for... geez, she didn't even know how long! And now, the innocent heroine of justice and the childlike business-savvy alchemist were probably pairing off... Did they sit on a couch much like this one wherever they currently lived, watching B-movies until dawn? Not being afraid of letting their guards down around each other? Showing no reservations at all about acting like total goofballs when they were together? Just... happy to be in love? Excited and ready to lead these new, peaceful lives? Accept the times with open arms? "..."

*"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-d—"*... Oh, the doorbell crapped out halfway through the chime. Hmm, hopefully just a temporary sound glitch; it should work better next time.

"... Oh crap, more trick-or-treaters!" Indeed, that failed ring could only mean one thing: the second group had arrived, champing at the bit for some healthy sweet unhealthy dairy-based snacks! Wait, 'second'? 'That can't be right,' you may be thinking! She was trying to forget the horsebird man, you see. "C-Coming!" she shouted at the door, getting up and scrambling for the bowl. Beneath her breath, she added "This better not keep up all night... And gee, visitors when I was just thinking about Nisa and Gust? Wow, I wonder who THIS could POSSIBLY be?"

Expecting the two partners-in-crime(-fighting), Cave pulled open the front door... only to be greeted by the smiling bright tiny face of Histoire. "Good evening, Cave. I have heard about Chika's misdemeanor... I pray you two are faring well?"

"H-Hello, Histoire... This is, er, a surprise. I thought you were in Planeptune?"

The magical being tilted her head a little to the side, her cheerful expression never fading. "Oh, I was, but I decided to tour Lastation's candy spots for a spell. The airship ride wasn't long; only about six minutes."

S-Six minutes?! Certainly beat seven hours... Cave could only smile at the news that seemed to poke fun at her soul... when she realized that, as before, 'twas not just one person who had shown up at the Basilicom's doorstep. "Ah, and not alone, I see?"

The tome fairy could normally hover a relatively high distance, such as to meet the red-haired soldier at eye level... but this was not the case on this fateful night! Not counting the fact that one eye was obscured by fake fabric... No, somebody was holding the magical Oracle's book up for the time being.

"Yes, we have been travelling together all week," the second voice chimed in, peeking out from behind the girl she literally had in her hands. "Long time no see, Cave. How wonderful to make your acquaintance again! I must say, it is unusual to see you off of Leanbox," Mina Nishizawa remarked with a soft smile. W-Woah... and oddly more scantily-clad than Chika, the scantily-clad Oracle! 'Scantily clad'? Either way, this warrants a thorough investigatio— N-Nevermind. Hopefully she feels special: she's had a full name introduction TWICE so far! Granted, she's one of like three people who actually have a last name to use... but let's not digress even further. Her eyes briefly proceeded to trail up and down the warrior's body. "Still in good shape and fitted for combat as well, I see. I am happy for you; I fear I've put on a few pounds the last few months..."

Histoire lightly shook her small head before gently resting her palms on the pale skin of the scholarly Oracle's arm. "Mina, we've gone through this countless times already: you are perfectly fit! Don't be so hard on yourself, please."

"I-I... apologize... Thank you, Histy!" Her eyes widened as soon as she realized that Cave was standing right there. "O-Oop, Histoire!" Throughout the whole thing, the tome fairy turned her head away, a faint blush painting her cheeks like unfortunately-colored pixie dust. No, more like a schoolgirl who had just received a love letter from someone in the back of the room...

Huh... Well, that was a most unusual reaction, the red-haired house-sitter thought. "Heh, glad to see you two are still together." As FRIENDS, she meant! Right, right?! With a slightly-nervous chuckle, the tall scissors-wielder opted not to pry on their... slip-up(?), but instead get the holiday train rolling. Due to her closer proximity, she decided to address the smallest member of her social group first. "So, Histoire, what... exactly are you dressed up as?" An eyepatch over her left eye, a dark green bandana wrapped around her forehead, and stark black plastic sideburns... What on Gamindustri's rich soil was she supposed to be?!

Even Mina seemed quite curious. "Yes, you never finished explaining it to me. I am quite curious!" See, no lies!

"O-Oh... I-It's nothing spectacular," Histy waved away, her eyes closing in a peculiar show of discomposure. "I-It's called the 'Nepimus Manifesto'... O-One of Neptune's ideas! I-I felt bad that she spent so much time making me a costume, so I h-had no choice!" A fitting explanation, and one that Cave and Mina didn't particularly question... but the reality is, Neptune's hands were completely clean. Histoire knew the costume's true origins...

The SMD warrior simply nodded, wondering to herself whether the fairy looked hilarious with an eyepatch, or badass. "Fair enough..." From there, she turned towards Mina, who... was showing more skin than a 'Quiet' sniper. Or an innocent English teacher from a Japanese textbook who was exposed to the cruel realities of what people really use the internet for. "Ah, and Mina, that's one... bold look for you..."

Histy agreed. "You can't imagine my... s-surprise when I first saw her step out with that on! I just hope it is not too cold, dear!"

"P-Please, y-you are embarrassing me!" Mina cowered, shying her head away much like Cave reluctantly did when in the spotlight. "I-I had no idea this is what 'high-cut armor' meant! I ordered it from Amazoo[redacted]nep... It promised to be a costume that empowered women everywhere!"

Don't do it, don't do it... No, darn it, too late! An unavoidable cartoonish sweat drop appeared on the back of the soldier's hair. "H-Haha, I believe it meant it could boost attack power..."

"... I shouldn't have let the children scout it out for me."

A few seconds passed... and Histoire began to laugh, followed immediately by Cave. The scholarly, near-nude Oracle couldn't stop blushing... but she too joined in on the fun before long.

The SMD warrior even didn't feel in the wrong skin while she was laughing; so much so that she didn't pay much heed to the fact that the two Oracles were gazing into each other's beckoning eyes the entire time...

...

Once the 'laughed overed quickly', the actual point of Halloween .7 was rediscovered, and a nice collection of chocolate wafers were dispensed. Too much time had passed already, both for the women and YOU, so the protectors of Planeptune and Lowee had to get a move on pronto.

"Thank you, Cave! Give Chika our regards, and have an exceptional night!"

"Yes, Happy Halloween! .7!" With that, the Oracles were on their way... with Histoire hovering by Mina's side, her small head resting soothingly on the taller woman's accepting shoulder.

There the two went, journeying off into the night as all trick-'r-treaters are destined to one day do. Easy come, easy go... unless you're Cave, in which case, your head would be much more muddled thanks to them showing up.

The redhead quietly shut the door and returned the bowl to its special resting spot, Histoire and Mina firmly dancing about her left side brains... and perhaps sensing that the scene was over, Chika returned from the water closet right that convenient second! "Yo babe, I'm back. Hmm, who was it? I heard the doorbell forget how to work a bit ago."

"... Hmm?" Cave looked up, and she nearly kicked herself when she realized she hadn't exactly paid attention to what her girlfriend said. "Oh... It was Mina and Histoire, actually. They're... doing well, so that's good."

There she was, acting... *funny* again! "Uh, somethin' up, Cavey? Here, sit down; you're lookin' kind of pale. What, did Histoire woo you with her feminine wiles?"

The SMD warrior pulled out a tiny chocolate bar and flicked it at her lover's face. "Speaking from experience?"

Vwoosh, perfect dodge! "Hey, the small ones always pack the best 'Shyeah-Shyeahs'."

"... How do you even function?" The soldier reclaimed her seat, and the family on TV was singing a royalty-free tune in a car. You're never allowed to sing actual songs in movies or stories! "... Hey, can I... ask something? R-Real quick?"

This definitely perked up Chika's ears! "H-Huh? Are you... asking me a legitimate question, and not a snark? Well, um, of course. Shoot!"

"... Are... Histoire and Mina..." Crap, how should she say this?! Cave's face had turned red more times today than a mosquito invades peoples' houses in the summertime. An invincible mosquito. A FAST invincible mosquito. An asshole. "Are they... you know...?"

"Totally shacking up? Doing the horizontal polka? Reading fanfics together? Laughing at communism? Sitting with each other at church and family outings? Filing taxes at the same table? Getting randy before AND after noon? 'Shyeah-Shyeahing' when no one's looking?" A blank stare for a moment, as the goof recollected her thoughts. "Kissing? Sleeping together?"

"... More or less."

"Ah... Well, why didn't you just say so?" Chika delivered an ebullient chuckle, slapping her girlfriend on the back. The SMD warrior's eyes widened at the unexpected gesture; fortunately she wasn't drinking coffee like that one time last month! "The answer? No, actually."

Cave cocked her head. "... No?"

"Nope!" Oh... That's kind of a surprise! Wow, who woulda... Wait, where's the catch? "That's because they're doing ALL of that, and more! Well, maybe not the communism part, because those two are too nice, even towards communists... but pretty much everything else has to have been scratched off their list!"

... Of course. "You're an idiot."

"What else is new, babe? Being an idiot is chic these days!"

"I'm surprised you didn't throw in another pun, so... good for you." The troubled red-haired thinker leaned forward, out of her lover's immediate reach, and secured her chin firmly on her fist of ponderment. "... So even Histoire and Mina are...? Wow."

Chika, mouth scrunched as she scanned her best friend's two pigtails and tense shoulders, extended one of her pinky fingers... and poked the center of the slanted girl's spine. "Pretty hard to believe, right? Verty and Kei actually helped me set them up... Purely by accident."

Cave ignored the poking, and instead simply looked back at the energetic supervisor from her eye's corner. "Accident? How did you three accidentally 'set them up'?"

"Oh, you know! We, uh, may have had, mmm, a little too much apple juice one night, and we maaaaaaaay have locked the two in a closet during our sugar rush... H-Hehe... heh?"

"..."

"... H-Hey, they were only in there for, like, five minutes, so they just got the perfect avenue to release everything they'd bottled up for... woo, no idea! They might've had the hots for each other even before... *things* happened last year. Before Mina's run-in with our, neh, Basilicom."

Ugh, don't bring THAT mess up again! Still... after all the tragedy and hard times, it was easy to admit how pleasing it was that Mina and Histoire apparently found their happy ending. Cave would probably never understand it, especially having missed pretty much 95% of the development, but sometimes it was just easier to outright accept certain things.

... But, this did bring up a whole new slew of questions. "I guess I'm happy for them, but, ah... how do they compensate for the..."

Chika couldn't wipe away her perverted grin. "Size difference?"

"... The BIG one."

"Heh, don't count Histoire out, y'know? If anyone can find a way, it's her," the Oracle beamed, sinking backwards and uncrossing her legs in a manner that would make her father furious (and her mother nod in... approval?). "I've seen a LOT of doujins, Cavey. There's, like, a new one each month! I know what that girl's capable of!"

"... I don't need to worry about the authorities searching our browsing history, do I?"

"No worries, I kinda have some pull with the Leanbox Secret Service, after all!"

"That's... not exactly confidence boosting." Mouth slightly agape with concern she secretly knew was... er, hopefully unfounded, Cave left her inclined pose in order to lean back again. In the process, she grabbed hold of her girlfriend's bare left leg and pushed it closer to her right one. There... Have to retain some class while watching horrible movies!

Speaking of...

 _"They ate her! And then they ate me! Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODdess!"_ These 'no celebrities were harmed' references have really given up on trying, haven't they?

A momentary lapse in discussion followed, much as Hell would for an unfortunate space marine, and the film that lacked any 'Arch-viles' whatsoever continued unimpeded.

Heck, even Cave was able to relax her mind and fully concentrate on the scenes being projected from the boob tube! Yeah, completely relaxed was she! Utterly! Wholly! Some other synonym! Yeah!

... Mina and Histoire... Mina and Histoire... Mina and Histoire... Gust and Nisa. Blanc, Kei. Neptune. Noire. Chika. Cave. Cave. Cave. Cave. Cave.

*"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-dooooooooooooooooong!"* Hey, it worked this time!

Cave's eyes continued to stare blankly at the screen, but Chika leaped off the couch upon hearing the audible chime. "Ooh, I'll handle this one, puddin'!"

"I don't like that nickname!"

"Too bad!~"

...

Wow, one of the few times there's a time skip... and it covers less than 37 seconds. Chika answered the door, a group of strangers went "Trick-or-treat!", candy was handed out like the flu in fall, and the Oracle returned from her excursion. "Whew, nothin' like giving out candy! Well, besides actually eating the candy yourself...!"

Cave blinked a few times, her muddled head settling down, and she chuckled ironically. "I think we've established a pattern here: one group will be our friends, and then the next visitors will be people we don't know. Rinse and repeat... Sound about right?" Wait, that raises yet another grand question: did she truly laugh ironically?

"Actually, I did kinda recognize those two!" Chika proclaimed, gesturing her thumb like a proud pretzel... She doesn't even know what that means! "Never really talked to 'em much, but one was Financier. You know, that cute Lowee chick? Anywho, there was also that... hmm, Natalie girl I think her name was? One of Noire's bodyguards from back in the day? Yeah, they were together. Lucky babe."

"A-Ah..." Even TERTIARY cast members were pairing up?! Come on, when did Gamindustri become so... sappy?! Man, back before the fight with ASIC and the convoluted events that transpired ever since, romance was not so... well, prominent! What, as soon as the world achieves peace, everyone decides to settle down and start new lives together?! That's...

... That's fine, isn't it? Why... would Cave have an issue with this? The world was happy, content. Spreading love, not war. Where's the... problem in that? No sane person would object! S-She was sane, wasn't she?

... O-Of course she was! No one was saner! S-She must simply be in a bad mood. I-It's the popcorn to blame, yeah! Damn snack foods mess with the body, sending faulty emotional signals to the brain! That's the benefit of a healthy diet: you can keep your feelings under control!

Diet... Candy is a part of an anti-diet! Halloween endorses being unhealthy! Sure, one night of living free was fine in moderation... but now here was Halloween .7, where the celebrations of edible audacity lasted a full week! "... You know, I'm starting to wonder if this holiday was the best idea to raise Shares..."

Cave's sudden remark led Chika to shoot her a goofy eyebrow raise. Someone's been watching LWF reruns on the LWE network! "Eh? How so? I think it's rad." Not too hard to admit, seeing as how she pretty much made the entirely thing up.

"Well, it is just... you know..."

"Heh, I really don't."

"... You never know ANYTHING." Whew, at least she wasn't so out of her element she couldn't give a snarky head shake! What would we do without those kind of details?! "But it's... seven days of Halloween. SEVEN! A bit overindulgent, don't you... reckon? Isn't one enough? If Shares need boosting, I think shaking a donation jar would be a healthier alternative."

The Oracle sat up and prodded at her girlfriend's cheek, drawing the redhead to swat her hand away. "Yeah, but where's the fun in that? Something that helps AND is a lot of fun's surely better than a simple realistic and practical plan that doesn't draw many smiles!"

This gave the strict SMD warrior cause to think. "... Maybe... Still, it feels weird to me that we suddenly created a holiday out of scratch. That... defeats the purpose, no?"

"Weeeeeeeeeeeell, may-bay," Chika trilled, rocking her upper body left and right, her sides brushing into her childhood friend each return, "but the key to life is to treat every day like a holiday!"

"... What fortune cookie did you read that off of? No, that sounds more like one of Vert's * _Vert-isms*_..."

"It's a sappy lesson everyone should learn, and that's what counts!"

"Guess I can't argue; people have readily accepted this remarkably fast... God, I hope this doesn't become a yearly tradition. We must keep in mind that this year, there'll be EIGHT Halloween nights!"

"Nine! Nepgeo wants us to try Christmas Eve trick-'r-treating this year!"

"... Okay, nine. My argument's even more valid!"

Chika blew a profound raspberry with her tongue... and attempted another cheek prod! Cave ducked out of the way; she was far too swift to fall for that pathetic maneuver! "Darn, almost had ya!" Having failed her attempted assault, the Oracle relented and simply hugged her girlfriend instead. The natural course of action. "Hey, if you want a less cheesy justification... think of it this way: if we get multiple Halloweens a year, there's no way it could be cancelled by rain or snow! Well, not as easily, anyways. Boom: happier kids! And babes who get turned on by candy!"

That... was another good point. Not the babes, but the other stuff. Still didn't excuse the excessiveness, but it certainly would have made several earlier years all the more better.

... Okay, maybe a little bit of the 'babes' part.

Cave's mind gleefully wandered back in time... "Huh... I could get behind that, actually. We've been burned by rain before, remember? Er, not literally burned." She hates slang.

"Yeah, WE didn't grow up with Lastation's smog-rain! But yeah, I totally remember! You're thinking about the year of the—" Dramatic thunder would have struck here, had the weather not been picture-perfect outside. "— 'Great Candy Heist'... Hehe, I hit the nose?"

"Teh! The very one..."

* * *

 ** _"This WORLD has LOST its GLORY! Let's start a BRAND new STORY now... My love..."_**


	5. Wove's Wabour's Wost?

Patter, patter, patter, patter...

"Is it... weally...?"

"Yep... All day. Until wunchtime tomowwow, too! 'Weast, dat's what Dad said."

"... Feh."

Two young girls watched the crying sky drench the window with what had to be gallons upon gallons of precipitation... and promptly sighed, their disappointment united and in perfect sync. The cool autumn air had long since overtaken the wondrous land of Leanbox, and with it came the occasional seasonal deluge such as this. That could not be helped; one can not fight Mother Nature's wishes... but there was no law against actively wishing her a dark and grisly demise.

For you see, this was no ordinary day that the clouds had decided to unleash their worldly sorrows upon. No, it was 5 PM... on Halloween. At a time where all the kids of Gamindustri should be gearing up and heading out in search of the mythical 'candy'... terrible weather had effectively cancelled the holiday this year. Sure, that wouldn't stop the more privileged kids from being driven through the rainstorm, and the local towns' governments had declared that Halloween could instead be celebrated the next Saturday... but NO one wants to trick-or-treat in November! No one wants to do ANYTHING in November!

Thus, the two girls were left with their candy-laden dreams torn asunder like a helpless cheerleader in a slasher movie that they had secretly watched without parental guidance.

The longer-haired child, Chika, rapped the window a few times with her knuckle. "Ah, pooey! I got dis stinkin' costume all weady, and for nuffin'!" It was true: the future oracle, who was apparently still too young to properly enunciate all her words (not like she sticks to that these days anyway...), had already donned her black cat ears and whiskers, all in a futile hope that things would clear up despite the weatherman's rigid claims. No such luck...

"... W-Well, I-I don't care about da wain! Why can't we go out?!" the slightly-younger Cave cried foul. She didn't come from the same kind of household as Chika did, so her costume was a bit harder to even get a hold of, which added to her youthful desperation! The orphanage that the redette lived in had fallen under increasingly hard times, so this kind of expenditure was simply not feasible. In prior years (well, the last two or three at least; she couldn't remember much from before the age of four... and she was almost seven now.), she had gone all-in on wearing a scary (for kid audiences, anywho) outfit... or at least something elaborate, such as the dark robe with glowing red eyes she could operate with a small button from last year (nothing to add here; just trying to piss off parentheses-haters). However, times were rough... and when you're on a tight budget, certain things needed to be snipped right off.

But this year, something remarkable happened: Chika's parents themselves took Cave costume shopping and paid for her costume... as if she was their, well, own daughter! Never before had she experienced that sort of kindness... which made things all the more special. Thus, she couldn't simply let 'Halloween be cancelled'! She'd trick-or-treat in HECK if that's what she had to do; she just NEEDED to be somewhere!

Oh yeah, as for what she ultimately chose to wore? Well, embarrassed and worried about being too much trouble for her best friend's folks, Cave had decided on a cheap and simple costume; something more stock rather than scary. She had wanted to try out being a fairy princess for one night, despite her objections to 'girly' characters and images... but the closest thing she could find to a princess was a maid. A combat maid, yes, but a maid outfit all the same. It sure did come with nice army boots, though! She felt like a total soldier with these babies! Oh, and as for the fairy part? Closest was a set of dragon wings.

Still, not bad: she was now a combat dragon maid soldier. That'd make for a fun comic book.

... But trick-or-treating would be a lot sweeter than a comic deal... She's young, and doesn't really yet know the wonderful wacky world of brand rights and how much money certain comic distributors make.

Cave sighed, placing a longing hand on the cool glass. "I-Isn't dere... s-something we can do?!" Her small head snapped towards Chika. "L-Let's ask your dad again! O-Or your mom!"

The energetic youth, however, shook her own body's crown. "No, Dadda's busy dwawing one of his 'Shyeah-Shyeahs', and Mom's got a cold alweady... Besides, the car is busted, so they couldn't dwive us far anyways." Her eyes fell down to her black shoes. "Wet's face it, Cavey; da wain has us doomed." The question ' _Who'll Stop da Wain_?' has never been more apt.

That... was that then, huh? If Chika declared it so, then it had to be true... Darn it! Darn darn darn darn! It's a good thing Cave didn't shout that out loud, because she already felt more than a little guilty over her analytical mind's choice of bad language... but DARN!

... Well, she couldn't fight fate, so 'think-swearing' was all she could do. Her saddened eyes looked at her best friend's frowning face... and the pit of her stomach turned. Chika looked so defeated... That simply wasn't right! No, even worse... it was IMPOSSIBLE! NOTHING should EVER make her goof of a pal sad!

... Fate needed a rightful kick in the rump! "Chika..." the shy child began, clenching her fists like an anime protagonist hearing a villain's uninteresting spiel. "N-No one's watching, so... w-wet's sneak out! We'll twick-or-tweat before anyone even knows we're gone!"

Nobody moved as soon as the proposition was uttered; Cave was as shocked as Chika, honestly. Did she... seriously just say that?

"C-Cavey...?" The mint-haired youngling scurried close to her surprise-filled friend, wrapping her arms around her in a poor (wo)man's football huddle. She took a quick look around to ensure the coast was clear, before allowing her head to sneak in. "Did da wain make you go cwazy?! We can't sneak outside! Mom and Dad will find out! This pwace has more secuwity than a Weanbox prison!"

... Geez, she's right! This is a suicide mission! Maybe they shoul—... No, it's too late to turn back now! "I'm gonna be a secwet agent one day, Chiks! Pwison is nothing!" Newly invigorated, the usually-stoic girl took hold of her friend's hand and ran for the kitchen, where the house's back entrance awaited! "No time to think, we have to go now!"

"H-H-Hai!" Huh... the translator must've missed a spot.

Nothing more needed to be said! Chika Hakozaki and the 'last name impaired' Cave blitzed to the back door! They had to run, they NEEDED to run!

Run run run... Alllllllllmmmmmoooooooost there...! The door was right. In. Front. Of. Them! Just need to reach for the knob aaaaaaaaaand—

"Where do ya runts think you're goin'? Hmm?"

Oh no... That voice...! Chika's very skin crawled... and as an ill-fated ancillary horror movie character might, she slowly creeped her entire body around. Not keen on seeking out who spoke... but also not dumb enough to not know who it was. "... We're busy, Seika! Go away!"

The human being named Seika, a black-haired girl standing just a couple short heads taller than Cave and Chika, posed in the middle of the kitchen with an empowering hand on her waist. To the seven/eight-year-olds, the twelve-year-old youngster towered like a giant. But you want to know the detail that completed the package? She looked... well, exactly like Chika! You know, apart from the tallness and the black hair.

Confident, the elder girl snickered. "Really? 'Cuz it looks like you and yer... girly-friend are sneakin' out into the rain! 'Least that's what it looks like to me!"

Drat! Double drat! Drat drat drat drat drat drat drat drat drat! "S-Stay out of this, 'kay?! What do YOU care, anyways?!"

As the energetic lass talked back to her apparent future self, the shy redhead clenched her pal's shoulder and hid from view as best she could.

... Cave wasn't too familiar with this older girl, you see, and thus wasn't too comfortable to be in her presence. All she knew about her was that she was Chika's aunt... and that's about it. The whole 'aunt' deal always struck her as odd, since Seika was, er, twelve, but anyone could technically be your aunt so long as they were your mother's (or father's) sister! Chika's mom was quirky enough... and also looked as if she was eternally 25, so a much younger sister wouldn't be far-fetched.

Anyway, as for why the redette didn't know so much about this girl? Well, the bubbly brat's aunt wasn't around often, understandably, and Cave was much too shy to actually ask Mama and Papa Hakozaki for clarification. Whenever she asked her friend, she'd always just get the same answer: "B-Bah, she's just my... st-stupid aunt! She's a stinkin' adventuress who gets to see the world and... stuff. She's only twelve, but she gets all the pwivewages! Why does she get to hold a sword, but I barewy get a toy cwossbow?" Well, maybe Chika wouldn't specify that each and every time... but that's everything the redhead had managed to put together. Such an... oddity... Man, there's still so much about her best friend that Cave didn't know yet!

The middle-schooler extended her HUMONGOUSLY-LONG arm... and flicked her younger family member's forehead?! "What do I CARE?! Wii-ha-ha!" What's with that laugh? She must've learned it during one of her adventuring excursions. Most likely trying to find a consistent iconic laugh still. "I get fifty bucks if I make sure you two behave all night, capiche?" Cave must be sleeping over tonight? Is it a school night? A night of trick-or-treating, only to have to go to prison the next day... Ugh, wasn't that the worst? "You two catchin' colds won't fill up my wallet—" She didn't have a wallet. "—so pipe down, go to your room, and behave like good little cardbirds!" On cue, she held her flattened hand horizontally and lightly chomped it, before slicing the air with it like a butcher would a knife through meat.

"B-But...!"

"Ah-buh-buh!" Seika taunted, her snarky grin not providing any comfort. "Them's the rules, kiddos! No leaving the house, on my orders! Besides, it's raining; what idiot would want to get wet?"

Chika's cheeks burned red with intense anger and loathing. Er, kid-sized. "Mom does! Me an' Cavey heard her say dat a wet kitty is a happy kitty!" It would be a fair amount of years before either her or Cave understood what she really meant.

The redhead, still hiding her face, nervously nodded. "It's... twue...!"

Guess how the black-haired preteen reacted? Haha, upon hearing Cave's small voice squeak out like a helpless small mouse's chirps, Seika... quickly directed her head away, hiding her... r-red face?! Er, that's not supposed to... happen...? "L-Like I care...! T-This is FIFTY buckeroos on the line!" The girl crossed her sleeve-less arms, satisfied. "Just follow my rules, ya runts! No misbehaving, no being brats... You're in my domain, now! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lightning strike, thunder, anything? Dang... It may be raining, but it's not a dark and stormy night. Maybe disappointed as well, Seika waited a quiet moment before blinking one, two, three, four times. "... Now if you'll excusez-moi, I'm gonna go relax and chill. I'm an ADULT, ya know, so I need to take a break after all my WORK!" It was true; just that morning, she had scared away a few stinkbugs from a retirement home! "See ya, Cav— RU-RUNTS! I said RUNTS!"

The orders issued, the elder Hakozaki marched on out of the kitchen, nearly tripping over her own two feet... and the two kids' shoulders sank. Another hope spot, busted...

...

A few minutes later, Chika had led Cave to her room... and both sulked in their own unique ways. The mint-haired minor decided to go against the grain and actually read the school book she had been assigned for once, this one titled " _If You Give a Horse a Howitzer_ "... It wasn't as interesting as it sounded. At least, she didn't think so.

As for Cave, she fell unnaturally silent, and that's even taking into consideration her usual temperament. Exactly like earlier, she had gravitated to another window, and watched as the stupid rain continued to fall and splatter all over the glass. Oh, how she 'fruit punch-in' loathed that rain! Curse it to... h-heck! Forcing her to waste the perfectly made dragon-maid outfit that Mr. and Mrs. Hakozaki bought for her... Why did this have to happen?!

Chika put the book down for a second and, sensing the dark aura emanating from her best friend, spoke up. "Cavey... i-it's okay! Dere's nuffin we can do... s-so don't wet it bother you too much." Let's get this straight: 'nuffin' and 'bother'... What's with the inconsistency? Is she... speaking like this on... purpose?

Her red-haired friend, never the type to fully express her anger, kicked the wall to begin her expected response, a cheek puffed out to its limits. Due to her frustration, the vibrations caused Chika's candy bag to fall from the desk to the floor, the sack sagging in its emptiness. "I hate dis! I've been waiting forever for Hawwoween, and we can't even visit one house! I don't care if my hair gets wet! I wook spookier dat way!" Wow, now she wasn't even seeing any form of reason! This was bad, her friend thought!

"Hey, I-I'm mad too," Chika began, tense sweat covering her forehead, "but compwaining about it won't change anyffing! Come on, Cavey, wet's just... er, read togeffer, I guess..." You know it's a bad day when the future oracle was actually encouraging her friend to read.

However, Cave wouldn't be satisfied so easily. Pent-up aggression threatening to pour out heavier than the deluge outside, the red-haired girl with ponytails clenched her tiny fists and growled. "Dere's... too many wules; both here and the orphanage! We can't have any fun, ever! Don't go out awone past dark! Don't eats sweets before bedtime! Wook both ways before cwossing the stweet! Don't swim after eating! Don't pet Mr. Skunkorz!" She dramatically fell on her back, looking up at the ceiling fan taunting her. "Ugh... and now we can't go out."

"... Pfft!"

Was... Chika chuckling to herself?! That only served to make the moment more annoying! "Wh-What's so funny?! I'm sewious, Chiks!"

Chika fell to the ground laughing, looking at her friend with a reddened face. "Sowwy, Cavey! You're just so hiwarwious when you're angwy! I never saw you wike this!" She folded her hands behind her head, looking up with a surprising sense of delight. "Nah, I know what ya mean. We should be fwee as fwying porcavians!"

Cave fumbled within her head, making another exasperated gasp as she sighed once more in defeat. "... Y'know, I bet Mother Inori called your folks and told dem not to wet us twick-or-tweat! I mean, your parents are cool! Dey wouldn't stop you by demselves!" Cave was the most rational of the two children... but eh, she had to work out a few kinks.

Chika shrugged; it's quite bizarre seeing the mint-haired one be the calmer character, no? Just feels so unnatural. "Ah, my dad is a dweeb—kinda wike you—so he pwobabwy said it first. His hair's so poofy, rain takes hours to dwy off... so he might be pwojecting his experiences unto us." Er, wow... 'unto'? Fancy word for her... If only she used it correctly.

The future SMD warrior rolled to her side, looking at her friend's discarded, empty bag. "Maybe... S-Still, I just want, I don't know, evewyone at the orphanage to wighten up... Y-Yeah! A-And not only dem, but the whole world! I... W-WE don't need all of dese stinkin' wules! I can handle things by myself! I'm smartish!" At this point in their lives, adding 'ish' to anything made it sound so much betterish.

"Amen, girl! Wules are just words adults put on paper to be mean! Aw-thor-uh-tea's got nothin' on us!" Chika's fist rose defiantly in the air! "... Our pawents do, though..." If... only for a moment.

"... H-Heh..." Cave had to admit, Chika really did lighten her mood! Don't misunderstand, the rage was still ever-present... but at least she had a bud who not only understood her plight, but lived it as well. "Ah... So I guess no Hawwoween this year, huh...?" The poor girl nearly choked up at the end, which made her friend's heart nearly collapse. Yeah, no doubt about it, this unfortunate situation truly was a downer in every conceivable way.

They both had to face it; Halloween was cancelled this year...

... Or was it?

"... Wait, Cavey! Dat weird feewing is hitting me again! My head! My head!"

Cave quickly grabbed her pal and shook her shoulders. "It's a thought, Chiks, a thought! You're hatching a goodish thought!"

The shaking finally got the future oracle to smile, and she stood right up and placed her hands to her hips. She clicked her tongue, stepped forward, and randomly saluted to the window. The poor mailman outside saluted right back. "Cavey... We can't go out dere, buuuuuuut... what if we have Hawwoween INSIDE?!"

An interrogation mark figuratively appeared over the redhead's, ah, red head. She couldn't deny it, she was intrigued, if slightly concerned. "I-Inside? With just us and our animals?" To emphasize her point, she picked up the nearest stuffed plushy, Mr. Snuffy Pot the elephant. Man, they really like elephants. "Doesn't it defeat the purpose if we do it indoors?"

A nod of the head in the affirmative; eh, not exactly helping anything. "Well, we won't be twick-or-tweating exactwy; we are just gonna skip ahead to da 'getting the candy' part wight away!"

"W-What?!" 'Cavey' had to stand up in shock at such a proposal. Get the candy... right away? "W-What are ya impwying?"

"Shurororororo!" Her friend folded her arms up, looking rather sure of herself. "Yeppers, hear me out! Mom hid some candy up in the pantwy, all in pweparwation for tonight, ya hear me? Well, no one's gonna be coming, so..."

Cave felt some admittedly-selfish relief that they wouldn't be the only two not trick-or-treating, but all of that subsided at the concept Chika was describing. "Are ya impwying we... steal? Why? That's a-legal!" What does it 'impwy' if she can pronounce 'legal' correctly, but no other 'L' sound? Geez, this is greatly rose-tinted!

The long-haired kiddo wiggled her index finger like a cocky 2D blue hedgehog. "It's not a-legal if we steal what's alweady ours! Now c'mon, I'll tell ya the whole pwan down in the kitchen! I have a map of the house down dere!"

"But..." surprisingly, Cave felt that her friend made a good point. Obviously, Chika's stance probably wouldn't hold up in the court of law... but at their young age, the only politics they cared about was that cartoon about a singing bill on Leanbox's Basilicom's steps.

Little Miss Mint Lass was already heading for the kitchen. "Comin', Cavey? C'mon, don't be a pigvader!"

The redette would be lying if she said she wasn't excited... but the voice in the back of her mind was a vicious lad indeed. "I don't know, Chiks... What if we get cawght?"

"What? Are you afraid of my si— aunt?! PFWAA!" Chika uttered, rather unintelligibly. "She's a dummy, we'll be fine! And my folks never go into the pantwy, so no worries! Now COME ON!"

Perhaps Cave was about to shoot another objection, but when her friend tightly clutched her arm, she shut that idea down faster than a crummy computer running on dial-up. "... O-Okay! A-As a team, we can do anything!"

"Darn tootin! Er, excuse my wanguage..."

...

"Okay, heeeeeeeere's... my map!"

"... Um, Chika? Dis is a painting of a snowy village. By a river, it wooks wike."

A prideful finger flew towards Cave's nose! "Don't worry about dat! Anywho, dat boat on the wight of the gwass is our current wocation."

"... The kitchen?"

"No, my bedwoom, but use your imagination!" That's not the part where imagination had to come into play. "Daaaaaaat diwapidated boat," she hummed as she trailed her index finger across the picture, "repwesents us if we get cawght... so don't wet dat happen!" Fair... enough? "Aaaaaaaaand, finawwy, da wighthouse is our destination, the pantwy! We cwoss all our hurdles, cwimb to da top, and get our candy! Cah-Peesh?" For the hearing impaired, the two younglings needed to reach the 'lighthouse', which symbolized the pantry. Easy, right?

Cave raised her hand. "U-Um... what does dat big twee stand for?"

The older child stared at the generic housewarming piece of art... before shrugging. "... Eh, Mr. Fern!"

"M-Mister Fern?"

"Yep, Dad's fern bush! It wikes to be pet, wike a cat! Or Mom. Or some girl named Tamao they both keep talking about."

"U-Um... O-Okay!"

So the time had come: Operation 'Hot Candy' would commence at once!

"... Er, now we just gotta make sure Seika is distwacted." After that important detail, of course. However, this came easily enough when, a few minutes later, the 12(ish)-year-old leapt off the couch and headed off to the basement... and within forty-seven seconds, the furnace kicked on. The elder girl then returned up the steps and skipped off to the bathroom. Ah, so she turned on the hot water valve downstairs, that must be it! Hmm, an impromptu shower? Well, the hot water was acting wonky the past few days, so perhaps she reckoned the best time for a nice warm shower was either now, or never. Whatever the case, the door slammed shut, and Chika rushed over to press her ear to the door. Spying on her own aunt... Has she no shame?

Cave, hopping on her toes, looked at her best friend excitedly. "W-Well? I-Is she distwacted?"

The green-haired brat held up a "Shush!"-ing finger, before squishing herself even flatter against the chipped wooden door. "... Runnin' water, check... Yep, there's the curtain moving! Aaaaaaaaand... now she's starting to sing her '60s pop songs. Gah, so many 'Da da da da da da das... La da da da la da da das...' If I ever sing dat sappy cwap, Cavey, pinch me!" Again with the speech inconsistency!

"Focus, Chiks!"

"O-Oh, yeah!" Without missing a (further) beat, Chika signaled her friend with a thumbs up. "Time for da mission to commence! For real, dis time!"

Cave smiled, but a nagging thought reared its ugly, buzzkilling head. "... Wait, how wong does she usually shower for?"

"Oh, pwobabwy wike an hour... We'll be fine!" The truth was less an hour, and more five minutes, but what do kids know?

Regardless, with the other female Hakozaki kid temporarily out of the way, the best friends scampered for the elusive pantry: Phase 'TWO' of the plan... and also the penultimate step of it altogether.

... But was even one more Phase one Phase too far? As the two stood before the brown wooden shuttered doors, reality dawned on the goody-two-shoes future SMD warrior. "I-I... Y-Y'know, I don't know i-if dis is..."

Chika snapped her attention towards her buddy, a scathing look of disbelief shining out. "Oh no, don't do this, Cavey! I need you, okay?! We're a team... aren't we?"

Cave bit her lip... No, no! She... was losing the confidence she had finally built up! Don't flake now girl, her heart cried! Don't flake now!

"... I-I don't know if this is the wight idea: I'm gonna get so much more candy than you, I'm worried I'll make you cwy!"

Ooh, a challenge! The mint-haired rascal grinned from ear-to-ear. "That's mah Cavey! Now wet's kick some pantwy butt!"

Cave had to admit, this really did make her feel uneasy. Incredibly so, in fact. After all, she hadn't done much wrong at this point in her life, be it due to the good values instilled upon her... or just the fear of repercussions, and how that would disappoint those who actually expected things of her. The only times she ever even came close to crossing the moral line, honestly, involved Chika... which should've sounded countless amounts of alarm bells right there.

But perhaps it was the fact that Chika actually went through with all this just to make Cave smile, even when she was uncharacteristically angry and conflicted... or it was simply that she realized she really really REALLY wanted that candy, that made the girl reply with "Wet's go!"

...

"C'mon, Chiks! I got the bags!"

"Awmost! Awmost! Oho man, she got the chocowate ones, too!"

Everything was going so well, the haul resembling stolen pirates' gold... until the horrifying sound of the pantry door opening came to be, resembling an angry mob cornering the pirate who stole their gold. The two froze as they slowly creaked their heads over. In the doorway, staring at them dumbfounded, was none other than Seika herself. Modestly wrapped in a towel, her shower definitely came to a close much faster than expected... much like this mission's chance for success.

"What the...?"

Chika quickly grabbed the entire bag. "Wun, Cavey! Wun for ya wife!"


	6. Chapter 3: Go Love and Peace?

As a boy on the TV set was briefed on how to properly 'debrief' all over some imp-cursed food, the scantily-clad Oracle analyzed her green-painted fingernails. "Wahahaha... Those were the days! Oh, but... hmm, did we actually succeed? In keeping the candy? I... can't wemember, heh! O-Oop, I meant 'remember', honest!" A humorous pink blush burned on her cheeks, causing the nostalgic Cave to laugh.

"Haha, I can't quite... yeah, remember either. Huh..." The redhead shook her head. "Though, it's kinda hard to, since your plans haven't evolved much over the years. Each scheme kinda blends together."

"Huh?! How do ya mean, babe?!"

...

 _ **About Five Months Ago...**_

 _The official pantry door of Leanbox's Basilicom swung open, revealing Chika and Cave, right on the counter, reaching up to get some dogoo jelly-brand Dogoo Jelly and even some fig pudding. The two froze as they slowly creaked their heads over. In the doorway, staring at them dumbfounded, was none other than the CPU Vert herself. Modestly wrapped in a towel, her shower definitely came to a close much faster than expected... much like this mission's chance for success._

 _"What the...?"_

 _Chika quickly grabbed all the jars. "Run, Cavey! Run for ya life!"_

...

"..."

Before anything else could be uttered (shock beyond shock), the cackling sounds of an electronic bell smashed through Cave's head; if she didn't already have an ache developing in her temples, this surely would've sent her over the edge regardless. Could it be? Yes... Another guest had arrived! No onomatopoeia required!

The Oracle, glad for the distraction, grinned cheek-to-cheek at her lover. "Together this time?"

"Teh, sure. It'll feel less awkward when I only somewhat recognize them."

The two girlfriends hopped off the couch and approached the door with candy bowl in hand. They twisted the knob, pulled, and...

"Trick-or-TREAT!" Woah, someone with focus actually following tradition?! Er, and yet another grown adult, rather than a child. Cave and Chika stared blankly at the man standing right outside the Basilicom, open pillow case held out eagerly. It was clear to any functioning eye that he was dressed up rather-unsettlingly as a bumblebee... and the perma-stubble on his chin just served to make him seem even creepier than he should be.

Amazing... It was a complete stranger to both of the girls! Just like the holiday should be! Cave sighed without even realizing it, before reaching into the bowl and grabbing about five chocolate bars. "Ah, good evening, sir... You're travelling alone tonight?"

The man simply smiled, his eyes never changing shape and his pupils staying stock-still, despite the bright indoor light shining right at him. "Oh, no; I just decided to travel AHEAD of them all, ya know? They like to take their time, barely THINKING about anything... but I've so much to do that my MIND can't rest!" Uhhhhhhhhhh... "... Ha, jus' kiddin', strangah! My group went home early, but I wanted more candy! Oh, but isn't this Lady Black Heart's house? Huh... No offense, but I was sorta hopin' to meet the real her. Yeah? Yeah."

Chika leaned towards her girlfriend to whisper "This guy sure is quirky..."

"Yeah, no kidding..." Cave replied, before turning back to address the sweet-seeker. "We are actually, uh, friends of the CPU. House-sitting while she's away... Sorry to disappoint you."

"No, it's perfectly alright!" he claimed, clapping like a hearty anime schoolgirl. His disturbing bee stinger wobbled as his, eh, *behind* wiggled like a cup of slimy jello. "I'll meet her some other time... I just know it!~"

"A...huh..." Was there anything else to... say? If anyone knew about strange 'devotees', it was definitely Noire... so this guy must be pretty normal to find around these parts. The soldier determined it was best not to worry about him. "... Well, good night, sir."

Chika stuck her head out over Cave's shoulder. "Happy trails, Bumbles!"

The man's grin grew... somehow wider, the creases of his cheeks making him look older than sin. "Thank you, fair maidens. Now, I shall be off: gotta finish my route, and then sit back and watch some horror movies! Time waits for NO humble drone!" Like a child thirty years out of high school, Mr. Bumblebee Man skipped off down the pavement and back towards the dark and unknown street. Oh, and here's a fast lesson for you all: drones don't have stingers. Not like you'd think, at least.

"You're gonna watch the marathon too?! It's on Channel 42!" the Oracle called... but the stranger had already vanished into the night. "... Y'know, as horrifying and uncomfortable that experience just was, he seemed like a nice dood."

"'Dude'. And I... guess so." The two ventured inside, and Cave closed the door behind her as Chika waltzed back to her scripted spot on the couch.

"Definitely 'dood'!"

"We're *definitely* not having this argument! Again!" Okay, time to place the bowl down and head back to the movie... Wait, but then a sudden thought occurred to the SMD warrior: "... What are we actually handing out, Chika? I never read the labels." After all, the 'Libra Zebra' bars were long gone.

The foolish lass, left hand dangling over the back of the sofa, looked over. "Huh... That's a good question! Read 'em, toots!"

"... Not accepting 'toots' either..." Might as well dig into the bowl, right? Cave pulled out one longish bar and read its title aloud without stopping to process the words. "Okay, they all seem to be the same brand, but different types and flavors. ' _Little Rain's 'White(r Than Your Ass) Chocolate_ '...?" Oh dear, they're in trouble. "There's, uh, quite a few more... I-I don't think I should... go... on..."

Back at the couch, Chika's eyes were wide open, and a goofy expression gave away her immense interest in hearing more. "Holy cow, you can't stop after that! What else ya got?" Narrations never lie!

"... ' _Holier Than Thou Vanilla_ ', ' _Why, Aren't You the Special One Strawberry_ ', ' _By Goddess, You Are Actually Eating Butterscotch_ ', ' _Tastier Than Your Mother Caramel_ ', ' _Wow, What a Nutcase... Nuts_ ', ' _Gee Golly Willicker, I Sure Wish We Could Think of a Pun for the Power Bar!_ ', ' _Not Allowed in the Park Past Four O'Clock Fingers of Butter_ ', and ' _Stick It Up Your Brownie_ '..."

"... My God."

"Lastation... sure has its way of, um, doing things." Determined to put this all behind her as quickly as possible, Cave hurriedly dropped the bowl and looked at the television from across the room. Yeah, her feet were queerly planted by the front door... though she was secretly determined to sneak a taste or twenty of one of these bars without her lover noticing. First up, 'Mother'!

As Cave gave into her sweet tooth's greedy demands, ' _Arch-vile 2'_ continued on, the film not concerned with the plights of the real world.

 _"You see this WRIting?! D'you KNOW what it means? HOSPITALITY. And you can't piss on hospitality, I WON'T ALLOW IT!"_

 _"What are you going to do to me, Daddy?"_

Chika sighed dreamily...? "Ahhhhh... hospitality! Is there any word that describes Leanbox better? It's the most hospitable place in the universe! Nay, the Hyperdimension! The Megadimension?! What the heck's a Superdimension? Well, that too!" Thank everything she left out 'Hyperdevotion'... "Verty-poo's the best, she really is!"

Wow, so fast! The SMD warrior smirked as she placed a hand on her hip... though that familiar nagging voice from within began beckoning to her once more. "Such a weirdo... Heh, and are we really fair judges of hospitality? I mean, we LIVE in the Basilicom, so of course we'd be biased towards our home nation! I'm sure... many places are great, not just Leanbox." Discreetly shifting her head away, she took a bite of 'Mother'... and promptly spat it out. She wasn't in the mood for artificial caramel today.

"Yeeeeeeaaaaaaah," the Oracle began, pushing out her chest as she stretched, "but I'm happy to live on good ol' Leanbox, so I'd never even think about staying anywhere else! Eh, voluntarily..." she added, directing her upper appendages around the room. "In fact... I'd love for the both of us to live with Vert in the Basilicom forever!"

"Forever, huh?" Oh no, why were her palms getting cold and clammy again?! Lacking any easy avenue to distract herself, the SMD warrior began pacing the path from the front door to right in front of the living room flat-screen. Back and forth, back and forth. Back. Forth. Back. Forth. Step step step... Okay, this isn't mitigating any suspicion factor whatsoever! She stopped and raised an index finger as her mouth opened... but come on, words, come out from your hiding spot! Not helping, not helping, NOT HELPI— "I mean, surely we... can't live there forever! One day, we'll have to... find a place to... settl— BUT until then, shouldn't we, I don't know, keep our avenues open...?" Hey, one use of 'avenue' per paragraph, thank you!

Chika eyed her childhood friend suspiciously, mirroring the evening's earlier events. It's like they're constantly moving in circles. "Hmm? Well, if the Basilicom isn't an option all the time, I have been keepin' an eye on the Boxlean Apartments! They're only like ten minutes away from the castle's grounds, they get great reviews online, no reported murders in the past two years, and everything's clean. I reckon that'd be a fine place to start... as our first home all to ourselves, I mean." She scrunched her lips as close together as possible, looking like some depressingly-crippled fish. "Though, I wouldn't object to a house either. Maybe buy one next to my folks' home! We'll live across the street from 'em; that's a sitcom waiting to happen!"

A-An apartment?! A-A h-h-h-house?! Wo-woah... "Haha...ha... Well, don't count out taxes or rent! Oh, or a mortgage; that's a big one! A home is a major investment... We'd need a lot of money, or at least a good plan. Ha...ha..." Standing made the stylish soldier feel like shrinking, but she fortunately didn't decrease in both size and mass.

Undeterred, the professional shrugged. "Eh, money shouldn't be too much of a worry. I'll never stop working for Leanbox, so that'll keep us afloat! I'm the ORACLE; I get paid quite a bit... er, sometimes..."

"But would it be enough...? Rent, taxes, mortgages... Those are just the beginning! Also have to get food and just general supplies required for living. We wouldn't have Vert supporting us, so luxuries like video games and movies would have to be forsaken more often than not!"

"...?" Okay, the mint-haired woman had heard enough! She agreed to let Cave's unusual attitude slide before, but that oath had expired! "Well, shucks, Cavey! If we can't live in the Basilicom forever, but we also apparently can't ever even rent a place, then what the heck do you propose?"

Gah, the redette had caught too much of the goof's attention! Don't blush, don't bl— Ah, dammit! "I-I-I'm not s-saying anything's impossible! I-I'm just suggesting we should... e-enjoy our freedom while it lasts! H-Haha, we can... figure out our 'forevers'... later!" How deep has that hole gotten over the course of this night? "... B-Before we settle dow—... w-we should try everything the world has to offer! Things like bowling, or Lastation jai alai, or Lowee golf! Do you... read... me?"

Chika simply looked at her lover with the same stare a singer would give their microphone after it threatened to blow up half the continent. "Eh... no?"

"... I-I—"

BONK! BONK! BONK! Er, what the hell kinda sound effect was THAT?! Oh... that was supposed to be KNOCKING?! Wow, try harder next time, will ya?

... Wait, knocking! Someone was knocking! No idea why they didn't ring the doorbell (it's a good thing granted, for that old girl needs some rest), but the next batch of trick-'r-treaters were here to assist Cave in her time of awkward need!

... So of course Chika decided to take the initiative. "Sweet, more folk! Time to get a good look at this cand— I mean, the trick-or-treaters! Yeah!"

She jumped over the couch, gliding from the furniture piece to the entrance in record time (and nearly knocking over the candy bowl in her peppy extravagance). Hopefully her celerity was fast enough to earn a speedrun Accolade; those always get under her skin. All the while, Cave(y) stood by the TV, slightly ticked off that she didn't get there first. Should she... go up with her? What would diffuse the gauche tension? Criminy, and did she use 'gauche' correctly?

... W-Well, maybe she should first wait and listen for who was actually on the other side of that door? Look, Chika's opening it!

"Oh... uh, hey... fellas...! Small world, I guess... What are ya... supposed to be?"

"... Ugh, bloody hell... I'm a forgotten, washed-up mascot..." a familiar, jackass-like voice rang out. Okay, Cave had her answer; she'd keep standing still and would let her girlfriend handle this one.

The Oracle wasn't quite sure how to comprehend the duo standing before her. Two young men, familiar for all the wrong reasons. The one on the right had just spoken, and he admittedly wasn't too well known to her. The one on the left, however, eternally dwelled in a special place of Chika's heart. The darkest part. The "I will never forgive you, even if your head falls on an awaiting spike in the deepest reaches of Hell" part.

The boy, dressed in an elaborate black armored suit with accompanying bat-themed cowl, was named Jade... and as the secret future head of Avenir, he had caused all sorts of trouble for not only Leanbox, but the WORLD a little over a year ago. Things... resolved themselves, if one could call it that, but to this day this aristocrat was leading a movement to bolster and restore Avenir's image in the public eye. You know, since they kinda started an entire war that nearly dismantled the universe at large... Things like that aren't cool.

... Oh, wait, have you... heard that story in its entirety yet? No? Huh... Perhaps one day, if enough people demand it, the tale will be revealed for the whole internet to read!

... Er, wait, what were we talking about again?

The aristocratic gentleman sneered beneath his shrouded hood. "Ah... Chika. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'd be meeting you again soon." Always a charmer. "Listen, I don't want to start anything, nor do I really feel like explaining just why it is I'm collecting candy when I have much more important things I could be doing." Like a pouting brat, he lifted up a yellow pillow case and rattled it a couple times. "Candy is all I seek, and I shall be out of your hair for the foreseeable future."

The brown-haired young man beside him, Alex of the (now-defunct) Yellow Bandanas, shook his head. "Yeah, this is already humiliating as all 'ell... Just spare us any lectures before I cark it." For those taking inventory for a possible wiki entry, the irritable boy sported an orange jumpsuit, plastic elf ears, and a fruity haircut that appeared to be a cross between a mop top and a mullet. As he blatantly hinted at earlier, the costume must've been some reference to an old, forgotten Planeptune mascot... but the fact was completely lost on the Leanbox native.

Speaking of, Chika took a moment to look behind the duo, making sure no one else was with them. Placing her right hand to her hip, she shot the Alex kid a curious shrug of the shoulders. "Hey, aren't there... two more of ya? Yeah, where's your brothers? There's that, ah, creep who tried to kill us—" She briefly glared at Jade. "NOT YOU!" Turning back now. "Yeah, and then... Almaz was his name? The meek one who deserted us back during the war! Er, before exploding not too long after." Another detail to toss into the 'long story' pile. "You three used to be the 'A' Brothers! Or, was it the 'AAA' Brothers? Hmm... Anywho, what happened?"

The aristocrat chuckled sarcastically, and the 'son' of Arfoire beside him stuffed his fists into his pants pockets before mulling over a response. "... Neh, we all do our own thing these days. Almaz is with his girl friend somewhere."

"Ooh! He... has a girlfriend?"

"No, girl friend. A girl who is his friend. His paraphrased words, not mine." A shake of his head, his wig nearly falling off. What a sloppy presentation. "At least I hear from him a couple times a week. Ever since Adrian found that little girl, he's become a complete stranger."

Jade stepped forward, holding his hands out as a peace negotiator would to a psychopath with a live bomb. "What my business partner is saying... Master Adrian has taken in a homeless child! Why, he's practically become a father now! I can't say I'm happy he's refused to offer one finger of help to us at Avenir, but... well, after all we've been through, I'm most pleased that he is settling down and not using my funds to start any more apocalypses."

Alex chortled. "There's a first for everything."

"Huh... Wow, I never would've guessed!" The Oracle was, quite simply, impressed! Not only was Jade, former enemy of Vert, not harboring any more sinister plans for vengeance, but the three key 'Operational Companions' made by the Deity of Sin herself had... well, found their own niche in life! One worked for Avenir, one actually hung out with a girl, and one was a freakin' FATHER! Holy cow, how time changes things! "... Well, I'm... happy for ya'll, I guess! Still, I can't call you my friends, since you did nearly kill all of us..."

"Fair enough," the aristocrat laughed, adjusting his cowl after it dipped a little over his left eye.

Chika bit her lip. "... But here, take some candy. Just promise me, no more bein' evil! Comprende? And stay AWAY from my darling Vert!"

Scoop! Grab! Shuffle! The dynamically-dynamic duo smirked as they quite rudely reached into the candy bowl and pulled out a handful of bars each, stuffing them into their makeshift sacks like video game protagonists storing 500-some-odd items down their pants. "Sneh-heh, no promises!"

...

Once the two villains-turned-coworkers ventured off, Chika slammed the door... and she, along with Cave, sighed in relief. That could've been worse, but also could've, y'know, just not have happened in the first place...

Chika rummaged through the bowl, mouth practically salivating with wonder. "Wowzers, you weren't kidding! This stuff is the bee's knees, babe!" Sometimes she just uses a random combinations of words in the hopes that it's slang somewhere on Gamindustri. "Heh heh... 'Power Bar'... What will they think of next?!" Cave surprisingly wasn't shocked that her girlfriend found that part of the title humorous. Strange minds and the like.

Placing a bar into her pocket, she expected her friend to chastise her for stealing something... but oddly enough, the standing SMD warrior found her focus stolen more by a teen entirely covered in popcorn, apparently dying from the buttery snack. Maybe his body turned into it...? Eh, lucky break (the stealing, not the popcorn). "... You know, this movie's proceeding at way too fast a pace. Er, and it might be jumbled up too... We shouldn't be on this scene this early on, what... gives?"

"Eh, must be the 35-minute TV edit! Takes a full movie block, but over an hour is, like, just commercials! That's where they get ya!" The scantily-clad professional waved that topic away. "But jeez, Cavey, even the guys that tried killing us are, y'know, pretty much livin' normal lives! Can you imagine? Huh, wonder if those two hooked up?"

"... What? I... highly doubt... that...?" Wasn't Alex created to seduce Nepgear? Well, considering that'll never happen, not even in fifty alternate universes, perhaps he had no choice but to... settle for his... boss...?

"Hey, anything's possible! Besides, are we really gonna be the ones to judge?" Chika cooed towards her girl. Honestly, Cave should've been the one to say that. Oh well. "Ahhhhh... Weird times! I don't believe it for a second, but apparently that Adrian 'bloke'... You remember Adrian, right?"

"The one who fried Vert's brains with a 'Level Select' cheat code, sending her down a possessed spiral of pure madness which not only nearly claimed the lives of everyone, but DID claim ours'?" The soldier sarcastically smirked. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Well," she continued, not detecting the verbal irony in the slightest, "somewhere along the line, I presume after we stopped the supervillain, he actually adopted a daughter! Geez, he went from rebel leader to dorky father! Huh... sounds kinda like my dad..." Her father had never killed a fly, let alone nearly destroyed entire nations. He may have killed pesky stinkbugs, but no flies.

"... Wow, that's—"

"—Unbelievable, yeah?!"

"... Yeah."

The Oracle once more plopped down into the comfy cloth, humming a late-'60s love tune to herself... and once more Cave began to pace. Chika looked at her through one open eye. "Yo, babe, you're still standing? Don'tcha want to sit? Ooh, the couch hurtin' your tender butt again? If it's uncomfortable, you can always sit on my lap~! Um, and if you feel *anything* nearly pushing into you, it's... my flash drive. Accidentally took it with me, haha!"

The redette, meanwhile, avoided making eye-contact; hell, she didn't even make a quip, almost as if she ignored everything the girl had said! The mint-haired government official was sure she would've said something like "Look, for the last time, you are a natural female. You do NOT have... Oh lord, a 'Weenbox'!" But nope, nothing! This silence was rather uncharacteristic, even for such a quiet and private girl.

The mood in the Basilicom was just getting more and more... er... is tense a good, strong word? The Oracle was never required to describe scenes outside of an official business meeting, dangit! "So, uh, Cavey?" Even she was at a loss for what to say now. Her girlfriend was clearly adrift in the dark forest of her thoughts, and for whatever reason refused to look anywhere but the wall. Chika had to say, if this wasn't so worrisome, the whole mute Cave act would've been the most adorable thing, like, ever. Ish.

Still, she needed to say something to hopefully break the rapidly-thickening ice! ANYTHING! "So... how do you think they're gonna defeat these guys?" she chirped, motioning for, what else, the TV. Ah, television; the solution to all problems, big or small. Or titanic.

 _"A triple-decker bologna sandwich!"_

"... Wow, never saw that coming! Did you, Cavey?"

"Man... I can't imagine those guys not scheming something... How bored they must be! I mean, how could they of all people settle down? Jade lived his entire life in search of revenge, and Alex was literally born evil..."

... Er, she wasn't talking about the movie, Chika was beginning to suspect.

"What?" she flatly blurted, beginning her cross-examination as bluntly as one could. "Wait, are you still thinking of that Alex kid(d) and the Jademan? Come on, you didn't even talk to 'em!"

A shrug from the redhead's side of the court. "O-Oh... I don't know. It is just... they don't look the types who know how to take things easy and... I, er, never thought Jade would ever do something simple like trick-or-treat! H-He helps run a business that falls on the more, er, shady side of things more often than not! Shouldn't he be... planning some Machiavellian scheme...?"

"... Er, Cavey, wha—" PSHSHSHSHSH! Okay, no guesses on what that sound effect was trying to tell us! Oh, sneh, the satellite feed suddenly cut out; somewhere, some fool accidentally elbowed a wrong button. "D'oh, darn thing! Lastation really needs to get their shhhtuff together!" Well, there's nothing else for it... Ooh, another great idea hatched in her head, a face-crawling alien ready to suck out any residual life force in the area. This should do the trick... Hoping to get a typical rise out of her lover, Chika picked up the remote with the dramatic flair of a dead warp-pipe and flicked the TV on and off, on and off, on and off, on and on and on and on... Dangit, the stupid buttons won't work again! Click click click... Alright, there she goes. "W-Wuahah, this is my winning formula, Cavey! Mom always told me that if you turn a TV on and off about 50 times in a row when the satellite's acting up, the problem will be fixed right away!" This was not a true statement; Chika's mother enjoyed watching the static whenever the satellite crapped out, and would never willingly try to stop it so soon. Still, Cave didn't have to know that... Come on, this has to lead to her making a snarky retort or comment or... anything! She was being handed it on a silver platter! No, a GOLD platter! Why isn't that a common saying?

"I mean," Cave suddenly spoke, causing the Oracle to jump excitedly, "I hope they know what they're getting into. Well, not hope; I mean, they tried killing us... but I mean, you know? If they're both going to run a big corporation like Avenir, AND not partake in any suspicious endeavors, they better know how much hard work will be involved. There's so much paperwork, property tax, lawsuits to worry about—they manufacture weapons, after all—and hell, they simply won't be able to travel as much! If Jade helped fund a rebellion, there's no way he'll be content in an office for the rest of his life. Thank heavens they're not causing anymore trouble, but... wow, it's so... weird... Perplexing! Yeah, there's a good word for it: perplexing..."

She just... kinda kept going, like nothing happened at all. Like the Oracle didn't even exist...

As Cave spoke, her words fell progressively further under her breath, though Chika did pick up all the important parts. Out of all the confusing things in the world, this... was the thing she's obsessing over? "Cavey, don't you think you're, I don't know, overthinking things? Seriously, what gives, girl? Don't need to worry about other people's lives, especially some rich jerks! Er, 'hopefully former' jerks!"

"Well, you're the Oracle, Chika," the SMD warrior replied, her eyebrows straight as arrows. Now that's an oldie of an expression! "Isn't it your job to worry about others? Keep an eye out for any potential threats? Stamp terrorism out before it can escalate, or even begin? Or is that not covered in the manual?"

Phew, at least she still has some snark. "Well, yes, but today's my day off... Well, ya know what I mean!" A suggestive wink passed by with no response, so she continued. "... Right now, we should just watch the movie, babe! You'll worry yourself sick if you fret on and on about the whole world! Come on, calm down and let me soooooothe your troubles away~!" Chika cooed, stroking the air with one highly bold hand. Unfortunately, she chose the wrong direction to gesture... and things would've taken a turn for the 'weird' if Cave already didn't feel, well, 'weird'. This time, perplexing was NOT the word to use!

"I understand that..." Clearly she didn't. "But I... Damn, what the hell? I... just don't get it! They MUST be planning something! There's no way they can be so... normal! There's no way ev—..." There's no way EVERYONE can be so... normal. Heroes, villains, allies, enemies... Designations like that can't simply change! Settling down? Is that a thing? Not for them! Not for Gamindustri!

... Cave was a proud enforcer of the SMD! A loyal subject of Leanbox! Sh-She knew something was up, she just KNEW! Even if the world tried to trick her, to delude her into a false sense of everything being at peace... she'd at least never change! She'd never become 'normal'! She... would keep fighting the good fight! The... good... fight... Whenever that fight actually decided to... show up...

... Yep, Chika's giving her the weird stares again. Need a distraction... Please, anything!

"Miss Noire?" a faceless entity called from beyond the door. Such a magical creation, that nifty rectangular hunk of wood. "Um, I wanted to give you back this book. Probably gonna try hopping dimensions again to look for my Miss Nepgear, and I wouldn't want to steal this away with me!... Oh, and where are all your guards, or soldiers? It looks like there's a loooooot of creeps roaming around these parts!"

That voice sounded so familiar. "Ooh, goody, sounds like a total cutie is at that door!" A sly look... but nothing! Come ON! "I-I'll handle this!" Chika sprang up once more... only for Cave to suddenly shoot her arm out to stop her. "Wha—?"

"I got this one, Chika." By pure coincidence, and not at all affected by telepathy, the television finally resumed playing that film that wasn't about Arch-viles. "... W-Watch the ending, okay? I want to know what happens!" A... rather feeble excuse... Hell, that was just plain pathetic! The Oracle knew that Cave had already seen this film hundreds of times... and hell, so did she! Yeah, probably the best time to reveal this: Chika had actually seen all these movies, but felt it'd be more fun to pretend otherwise. Thrill of the hunt, as she'd improperly chalk it up to!

... God, what is wrong with her today?! Both of them?! The scantily-clad professional had no ideas on what to say or how to respond... so she instead stayed sitting and allowed herself to compress further into the soft, welcoming, possibly-tainted-by-Nisa-and-Gust sofa. 'Okay, Cavey,' she thought, 'if that's how ya want to play...' She'd be keeping an eye on her the whole time, that's for sure...

At the front, the door swung open to reveal... ooh, sweet, Falcom! Decked in some strange military academy uniform, to boot! Near her breast was a name tag clearly reading "F. Martin", and her hair sported an elaborate braid running through it! Quite the get-up; if only any of you got the reference!

Cave smiled at the sight of one of her dear friends; they both were tied together by the red string of DLC, after all! "Wow, Falcom, nice outfit. Loving the holiday so far?"

"Eh? Um, hi Cave...? Where's... Wait, holiday?! What—"

Cave looked for Falcom's bag... but seeing as it wasn't present, she simply placed some of Little Rain's fine ass in her teammate's hands. "Here ya go! Probably should get a bag, though. Lots of stops to make in this neighborhood! Nay, ALL neighborhoods! The night is young, Falcom!"

"Um..." the stock adventuress droned as she stared at the candy labels, looking as lost as Cave was when she first discovered them. "Th-Thanks...? But seriously, I need to get thi—"

In the sky above, the evening clouds hovered like transparent ghosts where the sun one sat. Ah, how free those dark clouds must feel! "Welp, I'm sure you have a lot more traveling to do, huh? Don't want to keep you waiting!" Cave was acting completely normal. Back at the couch, Chika merely gave her an eyebrow raise. To further demonstrate Cave's normality.

"Well, yes, I do have a lot of traveling to do, but what holiday? Where's Noi—"

Cave patted her 'add-on' pal on the shoulder. "Glad to hear it! You need to tell us all about your adventures sometime!"

"W-Well, I write about them all in my books!"

"That's wonderful!"

"T-The newest one comes out i—"

"Okay, have a good one Falcom!"

"Wait, what—"

Content, Cave closed the door, a wave of accomplished energy flowing over her from that trick-or-treating session. It was great seeing Falcom again! She'd been on Lowee a lot recently, aiding Blanc while also trying to find a way to visit 'other dimensions' or something of the sort. Seems there was a certain purple-haired beauty who used to wield a demonic sword waiting for her... Ah, so yeah, it was quite refreshing to hear she was doing so well! Still keeping her adventuring spirit alive and kicking!

... Whatever scenario played in the stoic soldier's head must've been far more consistent than what, eh, we witnessed. Outside, the stock adventuress tried to look in through the living room's windows... before turning around and walking away, really perplexed on what just happened. "I don't really... understand it, but I guess I'll... come back tomorrow..." Safe travels, A. Christin!

"You see that, Chika? Falcom's still traveling around! Doesn't... haha, doesn't that sound fun? I can't imagine her ever finding one place to stay for... well, forever!" Wow, Cave is kinda scary when she's acting—or trying to act—happy! Well, not 'hah-hah happy', but...

As for the Oracle, she was now determined to play the quiet game, giving her girlfriend a rather perfect 'stink-eye'. Her mother would be so proud if she was here instead of at home looking at naughty Vert doujins on the internet! The latest translated one involved Nepgear, a Heal Dogoo Vert, and a character who never should have been created (but you were all warned about by a certain fic many years ago)... but so long as she tuned out the iffy details, fun times awaited her.

Either way, the ocular gesture's powerful message promptly hit the SMD warrior harder than a sack of Trick the Hard (dear lord, that was a complete mistake, nobody should have had to read that), and she found herself reeling from its autocratic sight. "W-Woah, h-haha, wh-what's up with the look, Chiks?"

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare... Cracker jacks! The dopey Basilicom burglar sighed, standing up in order to stretch her thin body out. "Cave, I should be asking YOU what's up with your... er, I guess not look... Yeah, what's wrong with your ATTITUDE?!" She folded her arms and gave a rather puffy face. Even when angry, she looked like she desperately needed a pet. Like a newborn kitten, so cute~! Just want to stroke her nice, cute, sturdy fur! Aw, does she wike to have her neck wubbed?!

... Cave would question later if that was the creepiest thought she ever had. "My attitude? Why, am I bothering you?"

"Heck yeah! You get randomly silent, you start pacing and questioning how people you barely know live their lives and such, you ignore a boy's mother getting turned to imp goop without even batting a single lash, you won't rub my butt where Nisa no doubt had her own rub-down... It's freakin' me out!"

"Oh... u-uh, sorry Chika. I, er, guess I didn't... notice." She rubbed the back of her short-twintailed head. Maybe she was acting a little funny... th-though she still hadn't noticed it herself. Definitely not. Not at all.

A cheek still puffed out, Chika sat back down as a bumper for the third film this evening, ' _Shockingvision'_ , emerged on the bottom of the screen. "Well, okay..." Not okay, but she was a trusting woman. She reckoned her lover just needed some space... hopefully. "Just calm down is all! If it's cabin fever, tell me, because I've heard bad things about that!" She's probably thinking of a crappy film rather than the actual thing. Have you heard that the sequels are actually somewhat more watchable? Granted, they're direct-to-DVD, but still... Cave made a mental note that she needed to rent them sometime.

Once more, possibly for the thousandth time, Cave just shrugged, and plopped down next to her girlfriend. Maybe a terrible horror film would do wonders for her... Maybe. Mayhaps? How many people in the world use 'mayhaps' in normal everyday life? She really wanted to meet them...

The night stars began to twinkle ever so brighter as time trickled on, the last bit of daily light already having left the planet for good... at least until about 5 or 6 the next morning. Cave rested her head on Chika's shoulder, watching what appeared to be a stupid family doing something stupid to a jacuzzi; Goddess knows how many of them would live to see the ending credits.

"Man, time's flying by," Chika remarked, bringing out the largest yawn in ages. "Hasn't felt that long, huh?"

"Well, to some, but I see what you mean."

The popcorn, which apparently had returned as a minor detail, had finally been depleted, and the film just kept getting weirder and weirder. The two had seen this flick a couple times before... but they weren't as intimate with it as the prior two. Or each other. Still, nothing wrong with a quirky tale, they supposed; they just couldn't help but wonder how somebody could come up with it in the first place. Or whether it was a horror film, or a cheaply-made parody of one.

Peace, tranquility, not a creature stirri— "Falcom probably has so much stuff to do, she never has to stop, huh?"

'Uh oh' was the only thought that crossed Chika's mind.

"She goes anywhere she wants and just completes quests. I guess it could get boring, but hey, work is work. What's important is she... must love what she does, right? She must feel... free... Unless, what if the responsibility weighs too heavy on her shoulders?! The freedom might be suffocating her!" A true nail-biter of a thought!

Well, at least she sounds more calm than before. Maybe this wouldn't end badly. "Ah, she probably doesn't think about responsibility! I know I try not to!"

"That explains a lot!" Cave chuckled as her head left the professional's shoulder and once more stood, looking outside in case of any other kids who might be showing up... Okay, even she had to admit that the chances of there being actual children showing up tonight was slim to none! Perfectly natural, seeing as it's a holiday for the youth of the world.

Heheh... even so, Cavey's back was sweetly exposed right now! Perhaps it was to keep everything grounded, or because she wanted to poke fun at her stern friend an itsy bit more, but the Oracle lifted up a tiny corn kernel... and flung it at her friend's naked rear! Er, well, unguarded rear! "Hey, you always poke fun at me, but I remember a little redhead who used to cry 'Oh, sweet merciful Goddess with a great rack! I don't want to follow any rules! I just want to be free!'"

Cave shot her a glare, and threw back the kernel, though her mark appeared to be off today. "H-Hey, I never said that! Besides, you can't even remember the first movie we watched tonight!"

"Sure I can!... Um, started with an 'T'?"

A shake of the head, though another snicker escaped her hardened lips. Really need better ways of wording here... but YOU try keeping 'nothing' fresh for well over 30k words! "Look, you know me well enough: I... take responsibility seriously... and I'm sure Falcom does as well. I-I took it seriously as a kid, and I do now!"

"Oh, but what about fourth grade, when you didn't want to do the science project?"

"That was YOU!"

"Oh yeah... Well, what about our first job fair? You didn't even know how to spell 'soldier'!"

"Hey, i-it was just a stupid typo! Th-That's it!" That was a half-lie. Cave was too afraid and stubborn to ask anyone for assistance or suggestions on what career path she'd like to venture down one day, so when the fair arrived and she hadn't yet decided on, well, ANYTHING, she hastily scribbled 'soljure' without thinking! There was no time to correct her mistake. "B-Besides, at least *I* knew what I wanted to be that day!" The lies keep coming! "What did you choose again? Baker?"

"Well, I like food, and Baker Team, so... at least it'd be tasty! Or full of explosions!" She tapped her own head lightly with her knuckles, a teasing tongue peeking its head out from her lips. "And I wanted to be Oracle even way back then, but I... h-haha, didn't know the word yet!" Those days, it'd still be 'oracle'. "... Okay, maybe I didn't have the best plan for mah future yet, but look babe! Look where we are now!" Wearing far-too revealing clothing and under house arrest for breaking into the most important building in Lastation. Classy.

A snicker escaped Cave's lips. She remembered the job fair in its entirety, along with a hearty chunk of her entire school life; from grade school to the end of high school! Back when she was young and just ready to start living... Apart from the whole 'not having a single inkling on where she wanted her life to go' snafu, it what quite a time! Memories... kept her going sometimes. "... Gosh, I sure miss school. It was just so... I don't know, easy? No, some parts were definitely arduous... More like straightforward, I should say. Well, compared to... how things are... now."

"I hear ya, babe!" Chika cooed a coo to end all coos. Until the next two inevitable uses of the word. "Man, if only I knew how easy I had it then! But now, I got essays, reports, unscheduled faculty meetings... Hmm, wait...?"

It was a simpler time. Cave learned to be who she was... for better or worse. She learned more about the world, more about life, more about her friend... Sure, she spent a lot of her time studying and working, but hey, look where she is now!

...

... Where was she? She had a job that... barely needed her anymore, fighting skills that had no use these days... and she got weak in the knees whenever she thought about how many of her friends had... settled down, many shacking up with the women they have fallen in love with! Not only that, but how EASY it was for them to trade in their lives of fighting evil... for ones where they lived like your typical slice-of-life protagonists.

... Where WAS she? Some place... happy?

Chika noticed her friend's face suddenly grow sad. "Woah, bad memory? The 'Lunch Money' incident?"

Ms. Dark Reddie shook her head. "No, no... Dear lord, no... Just... just getting nostalgic, I guess." That was another lie... well, kinda. She liked looking back at those days, no matter how somber some memories made her feel. Those good old days, when she was just a teen feeling like she had something to prove! A teen desperate to get good grades, help her friend stay afloat in her homework, and make her guardians at the orphanage proud. Hell, make Chika's parents proud! Get good grades... not necessarily to be successful, but so no one would look at her and feel disappointment. Stay out of the spotlight that made her feel like shrinking; want to vanish into the night like an aimless ghost.

Hopefully by the end, after hiding from all those judgmental eyes and making those who cared for her feel satisfied with her progress, maybe... she would have found an actual purpose that she could apply her studying skills to. Find a goal in life to attach to, instead of trying to please everyone around her in lieu of actual ambition. After not learning how to deal with rejection and shame and asking others for help... she'd somehow grow up overnight with the ability to be a natural human being, able to adapt and change to whatever life threw at her.

The good old days: when all she had to worry about was finding a purpose... instead of living in the real world with everyone expecting her to have already found that purpose, when she was still just the same scared kid she was years prior...

"Heh... Things were... much simpler back then, huh?"

* * *

 _ **"Right now... there'll be no other time... and I can show you how... My love..."**_


	7. The Catcher Missed One

"Be glad of what you have now, class, because your high-school years are the best ones you'll get. From here, it all goes down the crapper. Just ask my ex-wife."

Another day, another boring science lecture; man, Physics was SUCH bulldust! Cave sat in the back row of the second-floor classroom, chin in her left hand and a pencil in her right. As the teacher droned on about nothing crucial for the last three minutes of class, the teen's eyes couldn't help but fixate on the etched-in markings on the top right of her desk. Some... rather crude drawings of male genitalia, something that appeared to be a dead dandelion, and several instances of the legendary 'F-dash-dash-dash' word. So juvenile... What idiot would feel the need to act so crass?! For goodness sake, this building was used for Saturday religious classes! For kids! Freakin' ten and under! What if an innocent, wide-eyed seven-year-old saw this... trash?!

"Is the day over yet?" the instructor questioned aloud, glancing up at the clock above the door. "... Nope, two minutes left to go... Make sure you study for your test tomorrow, I guess... though who am I kidding, none of you are going to study on Halloween night..."

The class talked among themselves, their voices rising to an annoying volume that hopefully wouldn't attract the principal's attention come tomorrow... and Cave took it upon herself to scratch out the immature markings with her granite-based writing instrument. There! Now it'll be harder for prospective young, innocent eyes to be tainted by the adult world... at least at the hands of this desk. Hopefully they could live out the rest of their pre-adolescent lives in bliss and virtuous harmony; there was no good in corrupting children into becoming adults before their time. She already had enough problems with nature taking charge in the first place; she'd give absolutely no quarter when it came to phony smartasses...

If kids truly needed to grow up one day... then let it happen naturally. Why couldn't the world understand that? Why couldn't... kids just stay kids? Why did kids ever have to... grow up?

...

The bell eventually rang a few ticks past the holy 2:40 mark, and the class filed out to the bus pickup zone and the student parking lot, rushing from the educational prison like raging fenrirs. Cave waited for the crowd to clear before slowly shambling out the front door and towards the sidewalk marking the end of the school's lawn. Freedom for yet another day!

... Now she just had to wait for Chika. If she remembered correctly, her long-haired friend needed to make up a math quiz that she missed two days ago when she was absent... AKA, her mother kept her home so they could watch a marathon of " _Loli Rangers_ " on channel 315. Thus, she'd definitely be late by at least five to ten minutes, depending on how much she already finished in the class proper. As her childhood companion, Cave would wait as long as she needed. Besides, a little alone time to think about... well, stuff would do her soul wonders.

... That is, if she actually got some alone time. "C-Cave?! W-Wow, how funny it is to run into ya! Sheheh... heh...!"

The red-haired honor student's ears perked up at the familiar voice, and she heaved up her book bag as she turned her body around. Oh, hey, it was Chika's 21-year-old aunt, walking her pet cardbird! "Oh, hey, Seika! This is... a-a surprise!" Cave was still sorta awkward around this woman... mainly because she got the impression that Seika didn't like her too much. She always acted... *weird* around her! Maybe like she was so... dominant at life, that she... didn't have time for, nor interest in, dealing with lowly commoners! Why else would she behave so oddly in her presence?

The black-haired beauty smiled, casting her eyes away as she rubbed her hair like a bashful dweeb. Huh, why, she almost looks like a female version of Chika's father when she does that! The resemblance was almost uncanny! Whose sister was she? "Y-Yeah, i-it really... i-is! Sheheh..." She hid her face, trying (and failing) not to let the redette see her biting her bottom lip. "... Y-Y'know, it sure is wild that we ran into each oth-ah like this, because... I-I wanted to ask ya somethin'!"

"A-Ask... me something?" Oh, what is this? The future SMD warrior was determined not to act like Chika's dad. She needed to come up with a cool way to answer! "... Sure... Shoot... toots!" Grrr... stupid tongue! Now SHE was sounding exactly like him!

Cave was so flustered by her own shy self that she missed Seika's face turning beet red. The comment made in a moment of sheer desperation caught her deeply by surprise... but certainly not in a bad way. "O-Oh my, uh... Sheheh, w-well... J-Just wanted to ask you if that, uh, STUPID 'Hoshi' dance is happenin' soon... y-yeah! I-I think it's usually about a week or two into November, right?"

Ah, yes, THAT dance... The flyers had been pinned up in the hallways for like a month now. The future SMD warrior shyly rubbed her neck. "Oh, yep, it's... coming up soon."

"A-Ah, I thought so... Pfft, so stupid! L-Like, what's 'Hoshi' even mean, anyways?"

"I believe it's 'Star' in Japanese... It's also 'Etoile' in French, if I remember correctly..." Sensing a disbelieving look blasting her way, the stoic teen blushed. "... I read about it on the internet... The adverts were quite obnoxious, so I decided to take a look. 'Know your enemy', you... know..."

Seika laughed, her voice coming out somewhat stinted. "S-Sheheh, I-I see! W-Wow, you sure are one s-smart cookie in any regard! There's no way I'd remember a word from anoth-uh language!"

"H-Hah, i-it's nothing, really!" Like two peas in a pod... Two awkward women, linked together by the single constant of Chika Hakozaki. "... S-So, any particular reason behind your curiosity? I-If you don't mind me asking?"

"O-Oh..." The black-haired young adult closed her eyes, and her hands began shaking like a car parked beneath a train track. The cardbird cooed a bit as it rubbed against her thin leg. "W-Well, i-it's pretty dumb, so I really shouldn't say..."

"... Teh, Chika's my best friend. I've heard dumb, trust me."

"H-Heh, w-well, if ya... say so!" The older woman gulped. "I-I was just thinking about my high-school days... a-and I realized that I never went to my own 'Hoshi' dance! I mean, it WAS pretty stupid... b-but..."

Cave's brows furrowed; where was she going with this?

Seika continued, her cheeks growing darker and darker. "S-So, like, a couple nights ago, I had this, like, totally dumb idea! Somethin' like, wouldn't it be SOOOOOO lame if I went to this year's school dance?! Lame in an ironic sense, y'know?" What, she couldn't add another 'like' there?

"I... th-think I get it!"

"Y-Yeah! B-But, I'd look like a total creep if I went alone... b-but not if I went with my si— niece's best friend, right?! W-Wouldn't that be so ironically lame?! The t-two of u-us going to the dance together! S-Sheheheh... l-like it was a date or somethin', can you even believe it?! S-Such a d-dumb idea, ain't it?!"

... What's going on? Cave's eyes squinted in confusion for the first moment... before a sudden realization hit her like a rom-com trope, forcing her soul orbs to widen right up! "A-Are you... asking me to the...?!"

Seika quickly turned away in a manner that would make Lady Black Heart proud... and then deny being proud, due to the whole 'tsundere' thing. "I-It's totally not a dddddddate or something dumbish like that! I-It'd just be for fun... sh-shehe...! B-But only if you, like, want... to...?"

"W-Wow..." Well, this was certainly unexpected! Just for fun, huh? "... L-Let me... th-think about it, Seika! I, uh, never really went to... a dance... before..."

"H-Heh, n-neither have I, so no pressure!... Right?"

... W-Where the hell is Chika?! C-C'mon, hurry up! Please help out! "I-I suppose n-not! B-But I'd have to pick up something to wear..." This... would be a great chance for Cave to... clear the air with the woman she assumed despised her, surely! She was normally too shy for these kind of gatherings... but maybe with an older 'date', she'd be able to adapt more easily. "... Y-You know what, Sei? I... S-Sure, I think we should go through with this! T-To put this lame dance in its place!"

The raven-haired chick looked like she had just been smacked by a wet pool noodle. "H-Huh?! I-I mean... w-wow, yeah, that's the spirit! H-Hell yeah, i-it's on, stupid 'Hoshi' dance!" And just like that, the two girls decided to go to a dance in order to... not support it. What, you don't see the genius behind the plan?

The nervous friends shared a laugh for a good few more seconds, before a tense air dawned on them. Er, or maybe that's the cardbird chirping in an irritating tone... Either way, neither managed to say a thing; they could only stare at each other, occasionally looking at the surrounding grass and pavement to alleviate the muddled mood. Things looked like they'd only get worse... when a certain long-haired rascal finally made her grand appearance!

"Yo, I'm done, Cavey! I totally aced that test! Or, was it a quiz?... Eh, one of those; I totally clobbered it! Like, definitely a B-, at least!"

Seika's eyes widened, and she quickly took a few heavy paces down the sidewalk. "I-I better go... I-I'll talk to ya later, C-Cave!"

The redette, eyes stunned blank, merely waved. "S-See... ya..." By the time Chika closed the gap with her sprint, her aunt was already down the road. "... H-Hey, Chiks. G-Glad to hear."

The not-so scantily-clad student sensed that something was up. "Huh, was that Seika? The heck was she doing here? Oh rats, she didn't try telling you about what happened at the dinner table last night, did she?!"

"... The dinner table?"

"Eh, n-nevermind, just forget it!" The boisterous belle literally shook the thought off by shaking her head. Once she had adequately removed the annoying mental parasite, she shot her best friend a thumbs up. "Anywho, follow me, Cavey! I wanna show you a really creepy house!"

Cave's eyes, as always, looked perplexed. She'd already been through a lot today... "A... creepy house? Didn't your mom tell you not to go to those kinds of places? At least, I hope she taught you that lesson..."

"It's not THAT kind of 'creepy'! Here, just stick close!" She grabbed the stoic student's arm; quite the grip for such a thin teenager! "Hope you brought your running shoes!"

"G-Gym was yesterday!" Well, we have our answer... but that wouldn't stop Miss Hakozaki!

...

"Ta-da! Just in time for Halloween... Behold, the creepiest building in all of Leanbox!"

The two lasses had taken a short walk from their high school and made their way through a light forested area of town... and before too long, they had arrived at an elegant gate. Wow, the sheen was gorgeous; someone must polish it on a daily basis! It must suck with all the rain this part of Leanbox gets in an average month, though.

But the rich-looking gate was just the beginning; beyond the shining iron was a long and winding dirt road, and at the end of the ominous trail, surrounded on all sides but the front by thick trees and flowing green hills... rested a dark church-like building. The sun hit the structure at just the right angle to make it look like the prototypical haunted house, so Cave saw where Chika was going with the whole 'creepy' claim.

... However, there was one nagging important detail that needed to be brought up. "... Um, Chiks?"

"Yeah? Isn't it, like, so spooky?! I could never imagine anyone living here, let alone me, aha! I bet yer knees are quivering at the sight of it!"

No, her knees were quivering, but because of whatever the hell had happened with Seika, not because of this 'mysterious' house. "... Chika, you really... don't know what this building is?"

The mint-haired teen cocked her head to one side, one cheek puffed out in an interested manner. Reading puffed cheeks is like an art form, you see! To properly scan the emotion conveyed, there are several factors you must observe. First, it is helpful to note th— "Hmm, no... Do YOU? I thought it was that house where the dad went insane and chopped up his family."

"... That's a cross between ' _The Calamityville Terror_ ' and ' _The Coruscating_ ', you're thinking about."

"... Huh."

Cave shook her head. "No, you... dunce..." The redhead motioned as dramatically as she could for the far-off church... which for her, meant she kinda sorta just raised her arms. "THAT 'creepy' building... is the Basilicom! You don't know that?"

Chika's eyes widened as her brain nearly exploded from the revelation. "Th-The Basilicom?! T-This place?! Holy cheese... I-I thought that was right next to the flower shop!"

"The 'Wei-Azuchi Bowling Alley'?"

"... Drat, shoulda really looked at the signs more..." This was sincerely all too much for the energetic gal to comprehend. No more than ten minutes ago, she had hopefully not failed a math test... and NOW she just learned the true home of her biggest idol?! "Well, then I rescind my previous comment, Cavey! Y'know what I'm gonna do with this creepy, eerie, spooky, not-at-all welcoming building?"

"... 'Rescind'? I'm kind of impressed."

Chika clapped once, and she clicked her heels like some stranger in a wonderfully-strange land. "I'm gonna live here one day! Stay there forever with the lovely Lady Green Heart and... well, be her oracle and stuff! Maybe we'll even be looooooooooovvvvveeeeeers!~" Oh brother, Cave thought as she rolled her eyes. "Yep, that's the truth!"

What drivel was she going on about now? Yet another harebrained scheme, oy vey. The confused steely-eyed teenager crossed her arms, a bemused grin tugging at her lips. "The oracle. You? Heh, still... going on about that, eh?"

"Yep! It's my life goal, Cavey!"

Wow, her eyes looked so bright as she said that! The redette couldn't help but be taken further aback by the sincerity in her friend's voice. "... Wow, you're... serious! D-Do you... really think you have what it takes, though? Being an oracle is... gosh, it's harder than hard work, Chiks." There's no WAY she actually considered everything that would go into being a CPU's second-in-command!

However, the slightly-older student wrapped a friendly arm around her pal, no trepidation within her. "I've been reading up on it 'til, like, 3:15 AM the past few nights! Haha, I even scared *myself* with how much I've been studying lately! Here," the girl said as she reached into her backpack to pull out a small notepad, "I jotted down a bunch of stuff I need to know! Like, why the nation needs Shares and where to find 'em, how to negotiate and maintain peace with the rival nations, what to do in times of crisis and political upheaval... It's gonna be tough, and my head may even explode in the process, but..." Her eyes gazed straight for Cave, nothing but determination oozing forth. "... this is what I want to do. Whatever it takes, I'll do it!"

Cave jolted upright at the admission; how could she not?! "C-Chika..."

"Haha, I know, crazy, right?!" She nodded confidently, before hopping a couple feet away and posing with her fingers interlocked behind her neck. "Heh, I know I'm not the, er, brightest cookie in the cabinet all the time, but... I really think I can do well here! No, not only that: I think I can change the world! Gamindustri is all about competition and getting the upper hand, right? Well... that's all important stuff, but too many people these days forget to take into consideration that alliances—or at least being buddy-buddy with your rivals—are important too! I'm gonna take Leanbox in a whole new direction! We'll still be number one... but I'm not gonna go outta my way to undermine the other lands! What's the point of being the best if you're just gonna be a jerk about it, right?" She closed her eyes, smiling sweetly as if remembering a golden memory. "Maybe I'm goofy, maybe I make a lot of stupid plans or schemes that never go as planned, maybe I talks funnyish... but y'know what, maybe the world could use a little bit more of that!" A pause. "... H-Haha, and if nothing else, I'm at least gonna try to make Green Heart fall in love with me. How's that sound, Cavey? Sound good? Of course, I'll do whatever I can to hook ya up with a nifty job in this creepy old place too! May take some time, but... we'll finally be on top of the world!"

The wannabe-soldier... had no idea what to say. She was struggling to keep her lower jaw from crashing into the hard soil below! "... You're gonna do this... Holy shit..." She couldn't help it; her mind felt like it had turned inside out, like a t-shirt! Not literally, though; it's a messy process, you don't want to see that.

Chika ran right back up to her childhood friend and seized her womanly form in a great big hug. "Remember when we were kids, Cavey? How ya always said you didn't like all those rules? Well... we're almost free, my bubble-butt-blessed friend! The world's our oyster... whatever that means! Once high school's over, adults won't make the rules for us: WE will! We finally get to write our own book; put our OWN words on paper! Total. Frickin'. Freedom!"

"... F-Freedom..." Freedom... Chika was right. In just a short amount of time, school would be over... and then life suddenly became much less linear. An open-ended experience awaited them... T-That's what Cave wanted the whole time, right? No... rules? Rules to keep her in check? Rules to give her an obvious path to follow? Rules to make her feel... safe, protected from the cruel outside world. From the awful, corrupted adults... Rules that made her feel young, and innocent, and hopeful, and... at peace.

That was all going to go away soon enough. Time will go by... and soon she'll be without a safety net. A shy, scared little girl who barely knew what she wanted out of life... would be dumped onto the curb and left to fend for herself.

Not a day went by where the redhead didn't watch or at least think about a horror movie... but at this very second, she had never been more afraid of anything in her life.

"Cavey, you alright?" Chika chimed in, noticing her best friend's progressively-grim look. "... Ooh, crud, you're probably thinking about tonight! That's right, we gotta get our costumes ready, like, right now!"

The redhead blinked a couple of times, her eyes taking more time than they should've to register that she was looking way down at her dress shoes. With a pale face, the teen smiled poorly up at her friend. "O-Oh, h-haha, sorry about that, Chiks... Y-Yeah, m-my costume's pretty elaborate! I-I may need your mom's help with the makeup." Hmm... N-Not good enough; there was still a chance for the mint-haired goof to suspect something really was up! "... T-Teh, and well... I-I guess I got carried away with the thought of you actually working hard for once!"

"Hey! Just for that, I'm gonna slap yer booty with my scythe when we're out and about tonight!"

...

Life... was changing, as it was wont to do... and Cave would inevitably change with it, being dragged by the raging flow of time despite her heartfelt protests for things to stay the same; for nothing to ever change even by the most minute detail. Chika seemed to be prepared for the coming paradigm shift, with her plans and life goals all in order, or at least conceived.

Cave, on the other hand... wasn't ready; not at all. Shit, when would she be ready? What did she have, a bare-boned inspiration to be a... soldier? For what? For whom? Why? Not out of a dream or ambition, but merely because she... didn't think she could make it anywhere else? Because all she'd have to do was fight? Because... being a soldier meant she'd have more rules to follow? More sweet, nurturing, comfortable rules to obey without flaw...

... W-Well, hey, it's not all gloom and doom, right? T-There was still two full years of school left! She just had to... n-not focus on changing! Y-Yeah! For these next quic— l-long years, she simply needed to preserve her innocence! To maintain a childlike outlook on life! To never change; to never branch too far out of the comfort zone she had established for herself.

... But wait... In about a week or two, she was actually... a-about to go on what could be considered her... v-very first date! With Seika... Her. A date. A school dance.

... Chika was dreaming about becoming one of the most important members of Leanbox. If she ever made it that far—and deep inside, Cave KNEW she would—she'd... probably have to go away for some time. Reside in this creepy old building for who knows how long, living with a beautiful goddess and learning how to be a prim and proper adult. Maybe find love, new friends, anything... It wouldn't be far-fetched to assume the long-haired teen would outgrow her short-haired buddy. A lot can happen in even the shortest time span... so what about several years?!

She was going on a date, her best friend would soon be leaving her, school was going to end one day, the frightening future was just a scarce couple of Halloweens away...

... Cave had to face it: she was no longer one of the innocent children she yearned to protect.

Cave had grown up.


	8. Chapter 4: Much Ado About Nothing

... Well, that... didn't exactly cheer Cave up... although Chika seemed positively ecstatic.

"Gah, I was so cute back in high school, wasn't I? Heh, if only the teachers gave me a free pass in honor of my good looks! Shyeah, and my charm's a no brainer."

Yes, yes... Keep the ball rolling this way! The redhead would certainly cheer up so long as she avoided the nervous thoughts that had been bubbling all night! "Teh! Modest, much? Sure hope for your sake we're not in a horror movie; I don't like your chances!"

"Puh-shaw!" she laughed, reclining back. "I'm dating the archetypal 'Virgin' character, so my survival odds get boosted by, like, 50%!"

"... Archetypal 'Virgin'? That, and your use of 'chaste' earlier... You really need to read through that dictionary I gave you. No, wait, one of the ten." Cave closed her eyes, chuckling to herself. Nice, quaint, simple moments like these were always able to fill her heart with gladness, and take away all her sadness... and yes, they even were able to ease her troubles; that's what they do.

... Haha, now all she had to do was keep on this path and not do ANYTHING to cast more suspicion her way! Easy!

The Oracle cuddled back close to her lover, growing restless on this couch. Sometimes the softest cushions feel the most like bricks... Oh, no message there. "Pah! Can ya believe it, though, Cavey? Who coulda guessed that just a couple years after school, I'd become the Oracle, you'd become, like, the youngest trainee—"

"'Officer Cadet'!"

"—in SMD history, I'd get to massage around Vert's boobs... ah, and who could forget that we SAVED THE FRICKIN' WORLD?!" she sighed like a princess finally opening a bottle of ketchup. "Not bad for two wacky girls from the lower middle class..." She was about to question whether the orphanage Cave grew up in even counted as high as the middle class... but talks about an orphanage's economic issues were never the most cheery discussion points, so she simply hummed happily against her friend's neck.

Still, Cave smiled. "Yeah... we did pretty well for ourselves. We protect nations, we've met so many... teh, interesting people, we've fought the Devil... Wow..." Their glory days were indeed quite glorious! There were highs, and there were some serious lows... but overall, at least the Cave of today could look back at the Cave of several years ago and tell her that... well, everything worked out.

... E-Everything's WORKING out! There ARE highs! There ARE some serious lows! Y-Yeah, that's what she... meant...

"Haha," the Oracle cheered, some human-looking alien on a television screen within the BASILICOM'S television screen sending a warning to an unknowing earth child. Yet another network-edited film not proceeding at anything resembling a natural pace. "Mom absolutely flipped when I first told her that we actually knew 5pb! Of course, her first question was whether one of us was 'Shyeah-Shyeahing' her... and if not, if she could have a crack at her... crac— N-Nah, probably best I not finish that."

"That certainly sounds like her... Heh, how did your dad take it?"

"Oh, he tried to play it cool, almost as if Lyree was in the house with us! He tripped over a chair in the dining room, went up to his room, and prolly drew a pic of her and that other blue-haired girl he loves ' _gazing dreamily into each others' eyes_ '! 'Least, that's what he calls it."

"... Serious red flags there." This is getting weird... The SMD warrior shook her head, blocking out any thoughts of Chika's 'unconventional' parents... and instead ventured back to the 'glory'. "Anyway... Yeah, never expected Lyrica to become such a huge part of our lives. Same with IF... Hell, I still can't quite comprehend that we're on a nickname-basis with Lady Vert."

"I 'still can't quite comprehend' that you rarely drop the 'Lady' part even after so many hours seeing her walk around the Basilicom buck naked!... Heh, I said 'Lady part'."

Ooh, look, that discarded kernel from earlier! Cave picked it up and flicked it for her girlfriend's nose. "I-I really wish she didn't do that so frequently! Sure, the guards don't reside there these days, but it is still one of the most improper things a woman cou—" Yipe, she could feel the blush burning her cheeks. Once you accidentally walk face-first into Lady Green Heart's exposed chest... you're never quite the same. There's no going back. Just ask Kei. "Y-You know what, I'm dropping that!"

"Funny; wasn't that long where I was in a position to * _hit_ * that!"

"Ch-Chika!" A flick of the ear! "... How the hell are we saviors of the world? Teh... pretty funny."

The mint-haired girl frowned for a moment as she rubbed her pained ear, but it was all in good jest. "Y'know, we're selling ourselves short here! We've saved, like, every universe in existence, not just the world! Try ALL the worlds!"

"True, true..." The good memories of fighting valiantly, slaying monstrous beasts, and share grinding to unparalleled levels played through the redette's reflective head, the rose-tinted projector of her soul radiating the warmth a mother would be expected to exude. It was... drawing her in again... Memories: perhaps the strongest drug of all! "We came from such small beginnings... but before long, you went to live in the Basilicom for a full year, became Oracle, and then permanently moved in with Vert once your training was finished... I, meanwhile, leaped over every hurdle necessary to join the SMD, and... well, ended up right back with you, funny enough."

"Never gonna shake me, babe!" Chika replied with a quick wink. Meanwhile in the horror film, the main character's parents eagerly met with Greek 'swingers', and the energetic gal was just about to bet which one of these people was gonna get eaten by a trash-eating blob first... when Cave continued her clunky expositional retelling.

"Worked with Vert, met Lyrica through a few security missions—one memorable time, we went undercover at a staged concert in order to find a virtual-reality Accolade hunter!—and... then came the whole ordeal with ASIC. Vert went missing for, what, a full year?"

Well, this is... kinda odd to be bringing up so much, but Chika decided to play along. She did help instigate this conversation, after all! "Oh, somethin' like that; it really wasn't too clear and didn't make much sense... Heck, time's hard to tell when pretty much everyone completely stops aging when they become important!" H-Haha, wh-what's she talking about?! H-Haha... "But gah, that was torture, my poor wittle Verty-poo held hostage by creepy tentacles! And not the kind Mom likes!"

Cave stopped for a brief second to shoot her girlfriend a disapproving stare. "Yeah, that's a bit too much info, thank you..." But even that thought didn't deter her. "From there, though... we met the other goddesses, Nepgear, the rest of the Candidates... IF, Nisa, Falcom, Gust, Compa, even Linda. Everyone... I barely even really knew ten people coming out of school, and then there we were, grouping together with a party that rivaled one you'd see in a typical RPG."

"Yep... We came ver— pretty far. Unbelievable..."

The redhead's eyes closed softly, and her lips softened, rounding out the odd expression. "Together, we saved the day, evading the lure of Gehaburn's strong pull... Well, so I've been told. I don't believe I personally heard that name until meeting that... other Nepgear last year."

"Ah, yeah... Weird name for a sword," Chika chirped, her face still relaxed... but the smile slowly fading into pure neutrality. "I doubt one stupid sword could stop Arfoire anyways."

Cave didn't notice her simple response; she instead found herself gleefully skipping through the fields of her mind. "ASIC was no more... but we still had a ton of clean-up work to do, so the SMD at least was kept busy. A few quests here, a couple renovations there, some public service announcements... Simple things when compared to fighting for our lives, but just as important, if not more so!"

"Ahum, I totally hear ya."

"Haha, seems just like yesterday we went through with that awful plan to get IF and Lyrica together! I won't lie, I... had my doubts about... well, the two of them being together..." Ha! She's making it sound like she WASN'T madly in love with the pop idol once! She and IF virtually went to WAR over her! "... but it certainly worked out, wouldn't you say? I'm... happy for them."

"Yeah... Me too." By now, Chika plopped her elbow up on the couch's arm, allowing her to passively rest her chin in her open palm. "Hard to believe they're freakin' engag—"

"Little did we know at the time, Arfoire wasn't truly defeated... and was instead scheming to destroy us yet again! This plan... Hmm, I can't quite say whether it was more effective or not than the ASIC one. Certainly led to even worse ordeals, though... She was essentially serving as a puppet, right?"

"... Hmm? Yeah, I think that was it."

"Teh, figures... Still, amazing how she nearly took us over by locking us within a fictional high-school alternate universe! And that's ignoring the whole 'seducing us with brown-haired young men' part of her scheme..." Ugh, that event could NEVER be forgotten! Cave's eyes opened for a moment, her right eyebrow lifting a few centimeters... or so; who's measuring? "I... barely remember the school myself, but pretty much everyone else had something unique to say about their time there. H-Haha... ha..."

Can you hear that? Why, it sounds like another LIE! The SMD warrior had never told anyone about this before, but... she actually DID remember that high-school universe! Yes, the famous retelling of said events, passed down from household to household under the name _Much Ado About Nothing_ , ignored the poor soldier entirely during the branch of the doorstopper of a section known only as "Act IV: Stage"... but she did in fact experience her own alternate life away from the focus of the falsely-omniscient words. It wasn't worth going into much... but the warrior found herself back at the high-school dance where she and Seika once awkwardly 'grooved' with each other. Some brown-haired creep named Jitterbug tried 'interfering'... but Chika's stunningly-young aunt roundhouse kicked him out of the gymnasium. Coincidentally, that must've occurred at the exact same moment RED was knocking out a mind-warped Chika and Vert... but the redhead had no way to even make that connection in her brain.

Whew... Crazy times, yeah? Hard to believe stuff like that actually happened! So unbelievable, that... the mint-haired professional barely blinked, instead following a pesky squiggle in her red eyes. "She really musta tried hard for that plan..."

The stylish soldier allowed a few chuckles to escape out of her throat. "Indeed! Just a shame I couldn't do more to stop it... but IF, Nisa, and Linda did well enough for themselves. Never expected that alliance!"

"I hear that."

"Then IF and Lyrica pretty much permanently moved into the Basilicom with us—makes sense, seeing as they were always staying there already—and we all tried to move on from... whatever the heck happened."

"Yeps."

"Haha, which game were you obsessed with achieving a hundred percent of the Accolades? ' _Shin Megami Musou'_? The poorly-titled crossover game with 92 characters? Did that title have a '2' in it outside of our region? Teh, I was in a bad mood back then, so I apologize for claiming you were 'Accolade-whoring'! That was quite uncalled for."

"That's the one."

"Ha, that game sure had some humorous lines... Not sure how intentional they were, but that's perhaps even better."

"... Totes."

"Oh damn, I completely skipped over Christmas! Yeah, the snowy Lastation one. Hmm... each Christmas, the weatherman never claims there'll be snow... but yet, it always happens! Two years ago, and then last December... Teheh, crazy!"

"..."

"And throughout all that time, the three remaining 'sons' of Arfoire were planning a large-scale rebellion! If only we caught a whiff of the slightest hin—"

"Trick-or-Treat!" a third voice suddenly shouted, interrupting Cave's rambling... and leading Chika to sigh in sweet relief. The voice was decidedly male... though not a particular 'manly' one. Somewhat high-pitched, not very confident.

"U-U-Um..." Oh, another voice? An obviously-timid female one... "A-A-A-Almaz, I-I think we should ring the dddddoorbell first!"

"... O-Oh, r-really? I-Is that why the past three... houses ignored us...?"

"IIIIIII-I'm sorry! I-I didn't want to say anything!"

... Teh, well this is a surprise! Cave grinned in the most out-of-character manner Chika had seen all night as she leapt off the couch and approached the door. "I got this, Chiks!"

The Oracle squinted some more. If she keeps doing that so much, she'll get eye strain, BIG time! "... Okay, babe. Give 'em some of that 'Your Mother Tastes Like Caramel' stuff for me, a'ight?" She's... definitely remembering that name wrong... Not that the actual one is much better.

Like many times before, and many more to come, the front door was opened... and right outside stood a jumpy Almaz (of "Alex's brother" fame) and a red-faced Rei Ryghts... showing, holy moly, a crapton of skin. Er, just Rei, not Almaz... Considering Cave had never seen her in more than fancy business attire or Leanbox armor, this was definitely quite the shock!

An unusual pairing to see at her door... and yet, the SMD soldier could only smile. "Almaz, Rei! Looking... interesting tonight. How goes things?"

The two timid individuals exchanged unsure glances; hearing their former... 'sergeant' speak so chirp and welcoming was... yeah, sorta strange, bordering on real creepy. The brown-haired young man—wearing a long dark red scarf, an unbuttoned white jacket with white pants, a heroic set of knee-high boots, and... hmm, the 'name's-the-same' reference was clearly calling for a different hair color, surely, but... he had run out of time to dye it—gulped before taking a single step forward. "H-H-Hello, C-Cave! I-I mean Ma'am! I-I-I mean—"

"Almaz! It is alright!" the warrior chuckled, holding up her right hand dismissively. "You two forfeited the need to call me anything when you abandoned our side during the war... er, and blew up in that cabin. Please, just call me Cave."

Rei Ryghts peeked out from over the boy's shoulder. Woo boy, she was certainly dressed up for Halloween .7! How to put it... Well, the tremendously-meek and innocent young woman had opted for a revealing black and gray plug suit, with a... uhm... 'prominence' in the chest. Meaning 'Green Heart' levels of *nothing*... though she was nowhere near as 'developed' as Vert. On top of her bluish-silver hair sat a peculiar headband with horns that nearly resembled seashells... Not tacky at all.

Oh, and her pants? Non-existent.

Cave was shocked by the quiet girl's appearance... though to be fair, was she really one to talk? Our dear redhead had always been a stoic girl looking to avoid unwanted attention... and she skipped pants altogether anyway. Still, seeing Rei showing this much skin for the first time in her life, at least since the day she was born (and hell, she might have been clothed even in birth), was like a slap to the face. A glorious, wondrous, delicious slap to the face. But... wasn't something quite odd about this whole getup... apart from the usual? Rei... almost looked like she was dressing up as a... yeah, a CPU! A goddess in her HDD form...

Rei Ryghts, a CPU? Haha, don't be ridiculous!

With that long distraction out of the way, the bespectacled woman spoke next, cowering behind her sole friend. "W-We're... rrrrrreally sorry about that! So so so so so sorry! Very sorry! W-We didn't mean to—"

Teh, it's always an adventure with these two, Cave thought with a laugh! "There are absolutely no hard feelings, trust me. You two did what you thought was correct... and considering the circumstances, it is impossible to condemn you for your actions." Another sincere smile... Chills. "It is not my place to exonerate you, for you have done nothing wrong."

"O-Oh... U-Um, o-okay," Rei answered, her voice cracking as it reached a high pitch that only a dogoo could hear. "B-But... i-if you ever need anything, w-we'll... ddddddo anything!"

Almaz nodded along. "Y-Yeah! W-We'll make it up to you, w-we promise! W-We've been taking fighting classes from N-Nisa, s-so we'll be ready if there's ever a... ever another threat!"

The beam on Cave's face would defrost even the coldest ice queen in a prospective harem. It was either the most endearing sight in the world... or a sign of imminent death. Unfortunately for the two former Yellow Bandanas, who got startled by anything, their experience was leaning more towards the latter. "Heh, you two are rather the unusual sort," she teased, tongue hugging her cheek's inner wall.

Almaz instinctively clenched Rei's hand, and the glasses-wearer cast her eyes downward. "W-We... g-get that a... a lot..."

"... Y-Yeah..." the brown-haired young man verified.

"Teh... Well, keep sticking with each other, got it? No matter what the world may say... Screw them!" In a flash, Cave's eyes physically morphed back into the stern commander's she had become famous for. "Keep seeking adventure together, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! As former wards of Leanbox, this is your duty! Understood, soldiers?!"

The two jumped in their boots, the warrior's intensity eliciting surprised yelps from their lips... and they saluted their past ally on pure reflex. "U-U-Understood!... E-Er, ccccopy that!" Wow, such a concerted response, impressive!

"That's the spirit!" the redette concluded, before her eyes reverted to their simple new daily-life form. "... Now, here, take some candy!" she awkwardly segued, presenting the bowl to the two not-so-villainous friends. Gingerly, the sweating duo reached out cautious hands, pulled out an unselfish amount... and ogled the labels with sheer perplexion. "Er, pardon the names... As you most likely already realize, this is not my home... nor my choice. I'm... simply house-sitting, h-haha..."

Almaz bugged his right eye, analyzing the peculiar caramel wrapper as if it were a secret key to Shambhala. "O-Oh... M-Makes s-sense to me! A-And, u-um, t-thank you... C-Cav— M-Ma'am! N-No, wait, C-Cave!"

Rei Ryghts rapidly shook her head as well. "YYYYYYYYes! Y-Y-You are too k-k-k-kind! T-Thank you!"

"... Teh. Have fun, you two." Stifling a laugh, the stylish bullet-hell shooter waved away the farouche confidants, Rei nearly tripping over Almaz's left foot as they departed with their first ever batch of sugar-stuffed goodness.

And there they go...

"S-So, w-where... do we go now?! Um, next?!"

"IIIIIII dunno... Th-This costume is kinda... cccccccchilly, actually... And eeeeeembarrassing too!"

"O-Oh, th-that's no g-good! B-But, it uh... i-it looks... great on you..."

"A-A-Almaz...!"

"I-It looks way better on you th-than it did on m-me!"

"..."

...

Pleasantly surprised, Cave shut the door behind her, eyes softly closed. If she was any other kind of person, she may have even started humming and skipping!

Chika looked at her... oddly. This sort of expression on the redhead's face was usually reserved for whenever she spanked her! What gives?!

However, the giddy soldier opened her mouth before her lover could question anything. "Wow, you'll never believe who that was! You remember Almaz and Rei, ryghts? Er, 'right'? They're still good friends it seems, and they're exploring the world together! Well, I didn't actually find out that much, but it wouldn't surprise me! Oh yeah, and I heard Nisa was training them occasionally still? She's grooming future justice advocates, how amazing is th—"

"You're doing it again, Cavey."

The Oracle's interruption silenced the fighter completely. "Eh? Doing 'what' again, Chiks?" Acting as if she had nary a care in the world, Cave reclaimed her spot on the sofa and took her girlfriend back in for a plain single-armed hug. On the TV screen, the Hungry Beast was becoming enamored by heavy metal tchotchkes... or something. The two had no time to note details like that!

Chika bit her lip. "You're about to go on an' on again about our past adventures like you're a kid! Don't get me wrong, it's adorable, but... I think you're just doin' it to hide something. From me."

"... W-What? W-What gave you that idea...?" Haha... N-No, that smile won't help matters!

"You're being... hmm, yeah, 'Memory-Mopey'!"

"... Memory-Mopey?"

The red-eyed woman nodded in the strict affirmative. "Yep! You're walkin' down memory lane and talking about all these happy times... but I know you better than I know Vert's body! Somethin' is seriously bothering you, babe!"

Y-Yipe! Miss Green Eyes found herself scratching the back of her neck. "H-Haha, w-well, I'm sorry to worry you, but... I-I'm fine, Chika! I'm just in a... reflective mood..."

"Yeah, yeah, same old song and dance..." She shook her head. Hmm, same old song and dance. "I love memory lane myself, but... why now? You're bringing up so much random stuff! Heck, I'm sure you would've gone on for like an hour about those two... and I didn't even know you remembered their names until today!"

Cave tried to crawl backwards as a means to protect her figurative ass, but the couch provided no sympathy. "I-It's just... b-been awhile since I've seen everyone! Since WE'VE seen everyone! I... can't help it..." Phew, at least she didn't give that nervous laugh of hers again!

Still, Chika wasn't as pleased as her lover would like. "It's not just today, Cave; try the past few months! Things are all coming to a head today is all! You seem to go out of your way to avoid the Basilicom... hell, Leanbox in general! You always get touchy when IF and Lyree show up, or when I try to talk about... y'know, finding a nice place for us to live, forever. Not me, not you: *US*!"

"... I-I..." Dingidi-dongidi-doo! Thank you, lord above; the doorbell rang just in time to bail the redhead out! "... H-Hold that thought, Chiks, I'll get the do—"

"WE'LL get the door."

"... We'll get the door."

And the door, they got! No matter the temper each was in, however, the duo who greeted them snapped them out of whatever emotional funk they were experiencing.

'Twas two young girls holding pumpkin-shaped containers, though both wore false mustaches despite their costumes. The one on the right with the longer hair was dressed as a stereotypical organ grinder you'd find in a backstreet of the poor side of town, and the more docile-yet-older child was dressed, fittingly, as the organ grinder's dancing monkey.

... Their costumes, in combination with the plastic facial hair, did not hide their obvious identities. Cave and Chika glared at the twins with expressions that basically asked "Is that it?"... but the girls were not deterred from trying!

"Ummmmmm," the 'musician' began, "t...trick-'r-treat! I'm... Jam, nice to meet you... Stranger! 'Ers'!"

The one on the left smiled, not standing anything like a monkey. "And I'm... Rom. Nice to... meet you!"

The younger child nudged her shorter-haired doppelganger in the side. "J-Jom! S-She said her name is 'Jom'! Anyways, we just want our candy, so can you give the goods?! Huh, can ya?!"

Aw geez... The two adults needed to diffuse this professionally. Cave shrugged at Chika, and the Oracle crouched down to palm the top of the nearest loli's head. "Yo... You two are grounded, aren'tcha? Better run along now before your big sis catches word of this! Don't worry, we won't say a thing so long as ya go back to Lowee!"

"... Did you seriously fly here from Lowee by yourselves?" the SMD warrior added, hand to her wary hip.

'Jam' swatted away Chika's grown-up hand. "Well, duh! The airships got here in less than twenty min— W-Wait, NO! Uh, no, DUH, we didn't come here from Lowee! We are... happy Lastation brats! Y-Yeah, can't get enough of this dark color scheme and smog! Lowee is for dummies!"

'Jom' agreed; that's what her head bobbing up and down symbolized. "BIG... dummies!"

Cave sighed, a flustered two fingers finding the bridge of her nose. "Ram, Rom, we know that it is you. We are not permitted to give you candy, is that clear? I apologize, but... rules are rules." Deep down inside, she wanted to hand them a few 'power bars' at least... but no, kids or not, they needed to learn some discipline!

... Try explaining that to them, however. "BAH! Rules are soooooooo annoying! YOU guys are annoying! I thought you were two of the cool ones!"

"We just want... candy...! We didn't... do anything... wrong!"

Leanbox's star Oracle gave a peace sign; an image from every naughty doujin in existence must've been fresh in her mind! "Have a 'cool' night, kiddos! We'll call the Lowee Basilicom in an hour, so you better be home by then!~"

"Hey! Y-You'll regret this, poop-face! Bubble-butt!"

"We know... people! We have... connections!"

SLAM! Another cameo down!

The two remained silent for a few seconds... before both broke down into rampant laughter. "D-Did we... just slam the door in kids' faces?!"

"W-Well, wh-what else were we supposed to do?! I heard what they did to Linda and Nepgeo about two Christmases ago!"

"Teh..." Wiping her hands (well, gloves) of that whole ordeal, Cave took a few steps back towards the couch... when the doorbell rang yet again. "... That still them?"

"Lemme check!" Chika hopped over to the sofa and peeked out the window, craning her neck for a clear vantage point of the front doorstep. "Hmmmmm... No, those runts are fast! Looks like a crowd of four... Wait a minute..." The Oracle's shoulders sank. "... I think that's Noire! Ah, patooey, you answer it; I'm gonna hide under the couch!"

That's... one way to do it. "Chika, the couch is too close to the ground to hide under." Below her breath, she added "And if it wasn't, your butt would still be too tremendo— u-uh, stupendou— e-enormous to fit!" Did she really... need to 'correct' herself if she wasn't intending for anyone to hear? Well, too bad in any case, for the Oracle heard loud and clear, and wiggled her sizable rump as she tried to flatten herself enough to squeeze beneath the tight loveseat. No dice...

The soldier delivered a sportive eye roll, before opening the door... and Chika had spoken the truth: Noire was indeed standing before her, along with Neptune, Uni, and Lady Nepgear! Well... this party made practical sense, at least... apart from the fact that they had shown up at their own house. They're not... returning home, are they? The night was still young!

Lady Black Heart, the professional she is, spoke up first. "Why, hello Cave... I-I said it was stupid, but Neptune was pretty dead set on stopping by... so I figured it'd be good to check in. How are... things? Your 'mission'—" A poor attempt at a wink. "—going well?"

A sudden thought slapped Cave's brain that second; a reminder that she... was tasked with something important tonight! Something apart from watching over Chika... but dang it, what WAS it?!

... Hmm, probably nothing! It'll come back to her eventually, if anything. "Hello, Noire... Y-Yes, every thing is proceeding as planned! Chika is behaving like a civilized adult—" Inside, the Oracle bonked her head on the bottom of the couch. She actually managed to slip her top half under?! "— a-and we've handed out many candy bars. The fifth night of Halloween .7 is shaping up to be a marvelous success!"

"Darn tootin', I hear that!" the goddess of Planeptune interjected, her eyes molten bubbles of peppermint fluff... What? "Look at all the smackaroos we got, babe! I guess the expression IS true: Lastation'ers have so much more fun!" Perhaps to hammer home whatever the point was to the doubtful populace, as if no one believed she truly had candy in that sack of hers, Neptune plucked out a few of her acquired calorie-filled 'trophies', each very reminiscent of the ones Cave currently possessed. Huh... well, at least she wasn't the only unfortunate soul who had to hand these oddities out!

Noire sighed, but nodded both in response to Cave as well as in agreement with her wif— Purple Heart's words. "That's good to hear... We've been having exceptional luck as well!"

The SMD warrior heard the tsundere and began bobbing her head up and down, up and down. What's that action called again? Oh yeah, more NODDING! While doing so, however, she noticed what the two CPUs were wearing... and determined it was time to make things known for the audience at home! "So, er, you're both... Sentai Rangers, or something? Yeah, Chika and her mother watch that kind of programming most weekends."

Indeed, the two national leaders, proud and willing in their stances, were decked in spandex from top to bottom, stylized with a classic '90's design; only the helmets were missing in this equation. What's with the missing headpieces of costumes recently? Almaz forgot to dye his hair or purchase a wig, and now these two didn't even carry iconic helmets!

Oh, and anyone snobbish enough to utterly prefer either the Japanese or English shows of these superheroes are probably asking one question: what the hell's their color scheme?! Glad you asked, hypothetical snobs (we all love you, greatly)! As if the intention was just to mess with the common man, Noire wore a purple suit, while Neptune was the extremely rare, extremely edgy black ranger of lore. At least, that's what she'd lead you to believe. In fact, a simple internet search will reveal that there have only been a total of about three purple rangers in English, whereas there have been many black suits in the series' history.

But let's drop the nerdy details for just a second... Now, Cave'd expect Lastation's CPU to grow all flustered, trying to defend her odd decision with a red face, a sharp tongue, and some other third tsunderish thing... but maybe the patented holiday feeling had firmly gotten to her, as instead she placed her hands on her hips, beaming a bright smile that would arouse any advocate of benevolence. "Yes! I am the BEST character from ' _Loli Rangers'_ , I must add! The Purple Ranger always fights with the swift valor that Lastation proudly promotes!"

A finger tapped her shoulder. "Uh... yeah, I know I'm married to ya, toots, but I can't agree there. The Black Ranger has SOOOO much more fan-art!"

"Gah, as if! Besides, all of her fanart consists of perverts drawing her with... dinosaurs... Y-You know what I mean, don't make me say it!"

"And 'Purple' has how many pictures like that? Yeah, I thought so: Z-Roh! Creepy ugly old dood doujins and dirty 'dinosaur' pics are the mark of a truly-important character! 'Black Ranger' for life, Noirey!"

A tense stare-down commenced between the lawfully wedded couple, and all Cave could think to do was quickly dump a candy bar or two into their bags; it was the least she could do for a goddess duo, right?

... Wait a minute, there were more than two people at the door! All this fandom bickering made the warrior nearly forget about the two CPU Candidates standing behind their big sisters!

Looking rather meek and still of an uncomfortably-unclear age, Nepgear and Uni merely sighed out of disappointment; isn't it always fun to see the youngsters acting far more professional?

The SMD warrior turned away from the bickering spouses and smiled at the purple-haired sister. It was always pleasant seeing her, she had to admit. "Hello, Miss Nepgear, Miss Uni. I pray you two are still sane?"

Feeling Cave's intense, yet secretly warm, stare, Nepgear politely bowed. "Aha, I hope so! Good evening to you, Cave! Goodness... I'm sorry for Neptune and Noire. Ever since the wedding, they get heated up at the drop of a hat!"

Black Sister snorted, crossing her arms. "Yeah, that's new..." Kinky.

A raise of the hand from the redhead was all the Candidate needed. "It is quite fine, Nepgear. Trust me, I know 'heat'; I have to babysit Chika everyday!" Wow, there HAS to be better ways of saying that! Also, there HAS to be better ways of saying the same sentence over and over and over and over and ove— "By the way, you two look... adorable tonight! Cute outfits still fit you more appropriately than they do me." Cave attempted to sound supportive and maybe even motherly with that addition... but her cool nature made her words come across as... well, kinda dramatic. Uni winced and looked away.

But, alas, the stylish one didn't lie. Nepgear and Uni dressed rather stock compared to their older sisters, but the results were still quite... fun. For Nepgear, she chose to wear a basic pirate outfit, complete with a false eyepatch, a flimsy sword sticking out from her back (er, hanging from a weapon sling, not impaling her. That was the other Nepgear who did the impaling stuff), and even a parrot that her girlfriend swore wasn't so fake...

Speaking of Uni, she took her ownership of thousands of guns seriously, adorning a classic gunslinger ensemble. Daaaaaaaaaaw, she's even sporting a five-o'-clock shadow! In sum, the overall image of the two was... well, even Cave would be hard-pressed not to admit she'd love to eat them all up! In this way, and that way, and a little bit of this other wa—

G-Getting back on track, before we're here all night (and night, and night, and night)! "Welp, here's your candy, you two!" With that, she lobbed a few bars into their awaiting bags, shocking us all. "So, how have you been? Still an... item, as Chika would say?" Chika would most likely NOT say 'item'; she'd prefer a more unusual euphemism, such as 'Those two are definitely happening... musically!'... or not.

Uni kindly accepted the candy for both of them (even if she didn't really enjoy Lastation's local chocolate brands), tipping her cowgirl hat as if she really did live in the Wild West... Huh, now that leads to a great question: did Gamindustri have a Wild West? Is there even a technical west to be wild? Planeptune? Well, Nep is certainly wild enough... Neptune in cowgirl boots; there's yet another mental image for ya. "... T-Thanks so much, Cave...!" she said, her 'Noire' side of the gene-pool making it difficult to ever thank anyone for anything, especially the commanding soldier she didn't often associate with. Hehe, and how cute; she's still too shy to remark about her relationship status!

Well, that's where the more lax and grounded Nepgear came in, and she hugged her girlfriend tenderly. "Yeah, we..." The two's eyes met... and stayed locked, tuning out the rest of the world. "... I love you, Uni."

"I love you, Nepgear."

Yeah, even Cave couldn't help but blush; these two are the definition of storybook lovers. They've shared puppy-dog eyes for the past couple years... with no end in sight. Their energy was... inspirational.

"... O-Oh, we're sorry!" Nepgear suddenly blurted out, realizing that the red-haired soldier was still there.

Uni scratched her cheek. "Neh, I'm not..."

But either way, the purple-haired Candidate quickly segued into going back to having a conversation with the woman she didn't cook breakfast for every morning. "I-It may seem childish, but I thought trick-or-treating together would be... fun," the young girl sighed as she rested her head upon Uni's shoulder. "We... enjoy trying out a variety of activities as... well, date nights!" Ah, makes sense... Wait, so did they go trick-or-treating the past four nights, or is this their first outing? Furthermore, have the frequent Halloween .7 'flyers' been reusing the same costumes, or do people like Noire and Neptune wear something new each night? Geez, we'd be here for years if every single night was covered... Think of all the references most people probably wouldn't understand! There'd be references to the references that had already been referenced!

... Cave's mind was quickly wandering, but she attempted to maintain her focus on the girls before her.

As Nepgear pulled Uni close, Noire's sister wanted to say something... but she just couldn't resist her girlfriend's warm embrace, and she happily accepted every single inch of her presence. "Being with Nepgear makes every day fun!... B-But, your s-sword is stabbing into my back!" Er, well most inches.

"W-What the goodness, I'm sorry!"

... Oh no, now the older sisters were being neglected! Sensing this tragic fact, a boisterous pair of arms locked the two in a stranglehold (baby). "Shhh-Yo! Aren't these two the gems of the whole frock?" Neptune suddenly proclaimed, unconcerned with whether what she said was a simile or a metaphor or English, as she glomped her younger sis and her wife's own flesh and blood at the same time. Nepgear always loved her sister's affection... but in this instance she shot a pleading look for Cave, just begging for some kind assistance. The house-sitter wished her the best in her head.

"... Ignoring Neptune's lunacy, I agree! My little sister still needs to learn some more responsibility before she's ready to become a proper leader... but I'm glad she's found someone to make her... h-happy! N-No, really!" Even Noire was joining in? This is a momentous occasion: she's actually glomping NEPTUNE!

"B-Big sis! I-I'll get better! Please, just... S-Someone, t-the sword...!"

"Ah Noirey, isn't it great? First Histy invents the 'Nepimus Manifesto', and now this! Our little sisters are growin' up so fast!"

"They sure are... You really need to grow up with them!"

"Hey, yousa the one who always sticks yuh tongue up my—"

"N-NEPTUNE!"

It was... a weird sight, the four goddesses of Planeptune and Lastation huddled together like a science experiment gone awry... but no one could complain about how they laughed and laughed (though Uni had more pain in her side of the jovial mood)! How could anyone hate being part of this company? Both parties so full of love, life, and spirit... Without a worry to... worry about...

Cave couldn't help but... keep smiling, her mouth threatening to freeze in the forced formation.

"Wowzers! Lastation's candy is the bomb! I mean, it isn't as good as Planeptune's, but man, does it deliver!"

"I know, right? It tastes like... HEY!"

"..." Smile...

"Uni, when we're done tonight... d-do you want to stay in that... s-special L-Lastation 'hotel'? We can... rent a room, for just the two of... us..."

"O-Oh... O-Of course! That sounds... nice! Really though, the sword..."

"..." **Smile.**

"Sooooo... Nep Jr. of the 'Junior-est'! You gonna stuff all that candy in one go? I don't think my haul will last the first hour!"

"Goodness, Neptune, Ms. Dentista already warned you about that! She's concerned about your teeth!"

"Doh, what does Ms. Dentista know about my teeth?"

"She's our DENTIST!"

 _"Do you, Neptune, take Noire as your lawfully-wedded spouse?"_

 _"Like, of course I do! I'd... give up pudding for her... 'I Do'!"_

"I-Is it all right with you, Noire? Can... Can I stay with Nepgear... f-for the night?"

"Uni... how many times do I have to tell you, you don't need my permission for *everything*! Sheesh, you keep acting like you dating's still a secret!"

"N-No I don't!"

"Please!... But, uh, just don't bring home any... newborn children, got it? I don't think my heart could... t-take that!"

 _"And do you, Noire, take Neptune as your lawfully-wedded spouse?"_

 _"... 'I Do'."_

 _"Then... by virtue of the authority vested in me by the neutral land of Powerlevel Island, I now pronounce you... spouses for life!"_

"Uni girl, I know we got a few more stops to make and such, but assumin' what 'twisted' things you're plannin' to do with my little sis... Well, I think we finally need to have the conversation about the 'buff conglomerate of outfit-melting dogoos' and the 'innocent paralyzed CPU's *flower*'!"

"G-Goodness!"

"U-Uni, that's my signature word! A-And sis, we already talked about this!"

 _"Guys... w-we have something to... share with you all!"_

 _"H-Hehe, yeah... Me an' Lyree... Oh, heh, sorry Cave: Lyree and I!"_

 _"Last night, Iffy kneeled down and...!"_

 _"I got my yes! We're hitched! Holy cow, we're getting married!"_

 **Stop...**

"Hey, they need to know! What happens when they settle down and buy their own home, and they can't... y'know, figure all that complicated 'plumbing' out? Where to put... *certain* things in *which* places? D.I.N.K. is no lifestyle for my sis and her squeeze!"

"We'll... We can figure it out ourselves!... H-Have figured it out! N-No, wait... U-Uh..."

"Uni!"

"W-Well, how am I supposed to answer that?!"

 _"Oh, that reminds me: is this where you've been residing the last few weeks? You're never around the Basilicom for long these days! I suppose things have been boring lately."_

"Though... that does bring up a good point. Uni... w-when the time comes... where should we... live?"

"Wha? I-I-I dunno... T-The Basilicom?"

"No can do, kiddos! Noirey and I have both under our bare, sweaty bottoms!"

"Neptune, I swear...!"

 _"Oh... Um, well, okay! I guess it's for the best anyways."_

 _"... No new missions?"_

 _"The same story we've had for the last hundred times you've cal— er, the last few months. Boring days... The SMD isn't needed right now."_

 **Slow** down... No, **speed** up! N-No... D-Dammit, that's not it...

"Well, I guess somewhere in Lastation... or P-Planeptune! Both are great!"

"Yeah, they really are! Still, I have been thinking... maybe we could try... say, Lowee? Get a change of scenery, you know? Also spend more time with Ram and Rom... a-and Kei's over there all the time as well, so we could keep up on politics through her!"

"That... w-wow, sounds... lovely!"

"Awwwww, they're already making plans to leave us, Noiwey! You two have gotta stay in Planeptune, though! It's, like, the law!"

"There's no law, Neptune... but Lastation is clearly the better choice!"

"Black Loli Ranger!"

"PURPLE Loli Ranger!"

 _"I mean, I hope they know what they're getting into. Well, not hope; I mean, they tried killing us... but I mean, you know? If they're both going to run a big corporation like Avenir, AND not partake in any suspicious endeavors, they better know how much hard work will be involved. There's so much paperwork, property tax, lawsuits to worry about—they manufacture weapons, after all—and hell, they simply won't be able to travel as much! If Jade helped fund a rebellion, there's no way he'll be **content** in an **office** for the **rest** of his **life**. Thank heavens they're not causing anymore trouble, but... wow, it's so... weird... Perplexing! Yeah, there's a good word for it: perplexing..."_

How can it all be... so... easy?! C-Can't... _stand_... it...!

"... Hey, did... anyone else see that?"

"Hmm? See what, Uni?"

"An... egg... E-EGGS, way in the distance! There's two more comin— H-Huh? T-They splattered in mid-air?"

"Yo, it looked like a big flaming sword of fire cut 'em up! "

"... 'Flaming sword' is enough, Neptune."

"B-Big flaming sword... B-Brave! I-It has to be CFW Brave!"

"T-That's crazy, Uni!... W-Woah, but I think there's more coming now!"

"Th-They're coming from pretty far... What is this, an egg cannon?!"

"Dammit, not again?!"

"B-Brave, protect us!"

 _Neptune and Noire. Nepgear and Uni. Mina and Histoire. Kei and Blanc. Nisa and Gust. Linda and Nepgeo. IF and Lyrica. Hell: Vert, Compa, Financier, Natalie Hail, Jade, Alex, Almaz, Rei, Adrian... even Arfoire?! The former members of ASIC?_

 _Chika._

 _... Cave?_

 _People from all walks of life—from defenders of the planet, to innocent bystanders, to even former villainous masterminds—were_ _... Well, they all were so easily able to cast aside their adventurous or rowdy spirits and settle down. Settle for simple, peaceful lives... like it was nothing. No need to adapt; love was enough to cool their burning hearts... and if not love, then simply the passing of time. Time goes by... and no one seemed to mind. Should no more grand adventures come to their door, they'd be content._

 _... Normal people, normal lives. Normal... Normal... What is normal?_

 _Cave... Is she normal? Then why... can't she be..._

 _... like them?_


	9. Chapter 4-II: Moonlight

Her eyes blank, Cave slowly stepped back into the house and creeped the door shut. The four goddesses didn't notice, for they were too busy dodging the hail of eggs that the distant flaming sword missed. Without looking back, Nepgear shouted "W-We'll see you tomorrow, Cave! A-Ah, there's yolk in my hair, there's yolk in my hair!", her voice loud enough to breach through the door's simple defenses. The soldier nodded, no 'oomph' behind her movements whatsoever.

"Cavey? It sounds like the Basilicom's getting egged... What's goin' on?" Chika's muffled voice traveled over to the despondent young woman, brushing up against her ear but not quite penetrating the canal.

... Get yourself together, girl... "... Oh, yeah, not much we can do without getting yolked. Probably some immature kids." Totally no one they knew...

"Ah, 'kay... Yeah, this place has been hit up every night so far, I've heard!" The Oracle, via some miracle and hacking of physics, fought her head out from under the couch. She was understandably winded, but that predicament had yet to waver her spirits! "So, what did the 'CPees' want, Cavey? Did ya 'give it' to 'em good?... Er, candy-wise?"

Hmm... The SMD warrior did not fail to notice that Chika hadn't immediately leapt back into prying as she had been doing two trick-or-treating groups ago. "Oh, uh, just checking up is all. Neptune wanted all the candy, of course." That's not enough... "P-Probably making sure the Decapitator hasn't gotten to us yet!"

"Ah, Neptune... I don't know how Noire manages! Imagine dealing with somebody so weird like that all the time!" Complete sincerity.

... Interesting... Chika seemed to have forgotten all about Cave's unusual attitude! Sweet! The redhead couldn't say she was particularly happy that her long-haired lover had so easily changed subjects in her mind, but at least this time it worked wholly in her advantage!

... Time to just play along and avoid any risk of upping her girlfriend's temper! With a sarcastic chuckle, the redhead merely replied with "Takes one to know one..." A pretty stock quip, used in the case of emergencies... but the Oracle didn't seem to mind, so hey, there's that!

"Bah, you love me! Ooh, hey look! The film's reaching that part where they teach the monster how to say 'TV'!" Chika cheered, pointing wildly at the screen, her face filled with so much gay glee! "... Huh, geez-louise, what's with this channel and condensing so many movies? It's not right; they're subduing artistic expression!"

"'Suppressing' sounds like a better word choice..." _'Wow,'_ Cave mused to herself, _'lucky break; she's dropped the entire subject... Good.'_

Taking a deep breath to solidify her 'calm' status, Cave sat down once more next to her girl, even so much as wrapping her arm around the great Red-Eyed One. The Oracle snuggled against her, and she once more felt so glad to be sitting down! Should the SMD warrior question the sudden change in Chika's disposition? Should she try and at least apologize for the behavior her girlfriend found annoying, even unsettling?

Morally? Hell yeah, completely! But... right now, would that really be the wisest call? See, look at them! Both were back to being calm, full of lots and lots of smiley smiles, and enjoying—well, trying to enjoy—the film on the screen... Was there anything else needed? To Cave, this was perfect, and nothing else had to be said. She'd bless her lucky stars and hold off her worries for yet another day...

... But you know, seeing as the two had not only dated for over seven months, but pretty much GREW UP together, you'd think she would understand that just because she sometimes came across as an airhead with only perverted thoughts—mainly of Vert and Cave's rump—and weird catchphrases... Chika was far from naive. While her head was under the couch, and even in this surprising moment of pleasant silence... Ms. Hakozaki had been hatching the perfect plan! A slimy scheme... to trap her lover against a wall and force her to give up the goods! Um, figuratively speaking, all that; this isn't one of *those* stories... yet.

Cave was hiding something within that fine ass of hers... and damn it, Chika was gonna pluck it out one way or another!

"Sooooooo... What do you suppose the Leanbox guards are doing, eh?" the Oracle posed, a sneaky smile going unnoticed by her likewise-smiling girlfriend. "Verty's not in the Basilicom all night this week, nor is anyone really... so do ya think they're guarding the place, or trick-'r-treating? Or heck, goofing off and drinking in the backyard? They even do that in the freakin' rain, can you believe it?! Whatever they're doin', they must be pretty bored..."

The stylish soldier nodded her head quietly for a moment, her eyes glancing, but not registering, the television screen... and before she even opened her mouth, Chika knew she had her! "I haven't even seen a single Lastation guard around here... Collecting candy is the likeliest option, isn't it? Teh, figures; a bunch of slackers, those men..." Right outside the house, a few guards ran by in a hurry, chasing after a set of twins carrying Avenir-brand egg launchers. The mysterious figure with the flaming sword (of fire) had already vanished. "When I was in Lowee yesterday, the soldiers were all accounted for, professional in their stance, and ready to handle any threat that came their way!... Er, nothing ever did, but they were still ready and willing to lay their lives on the line in the name of virtue and justice!"

... She makes this SO easy. The long-haired woman feigned complete accordance, her head a bobbing buoy in a brook. "Yeeeeeeeaaaah..." Well, that was shut down pretty quick... but it confirmed enough to her, and fortunately she already planned a follow-up topic. If what she was thinking was correct—and it WAS correct—Cave would be caught with her panties down within the next two responses! "Y'know, I... think I caught that nostalgic bug of yours!" On cue, the warrior's shoulders tensed... but Chika pretended to pay no heed. "Can't help but think about all those times we fought against Arfoire! Wasn't that so freakin' awesome?!"

Hehe, little miss green eye's shoulders slackened, and her characteristic orbs closed as relaxed as a slumbering baby's. Lock, stock, and barrel... "Teh, indeed... The dastardly Diety of... Oops, 'Deity' of Sin did everything within her power to quell righteousness in Gamindustri... but together as one, we heroically stood up to her and thwarted her schemes!" Daw, isn't she so cute when she tries to sound like Nisa? "ASIC summoned her? We stomped her out! She revived and tried to drain Gamindustri's power through the power of forced seduction and script-based reality warping? Ha, she stood no chance! She dragged the very universe into an elaborate chess game between herself, RED, and an otherworldly 'Author'? Even then, we achieved absolute victory!" A satisfied smirk, one you'd wear after finally obtaining a rare-ass item after hours upon hours of grinding in a really crappy game. "Of course, it's only natural: no matter how chaotic the times may become... justice shall ALWAYS triumph over evil! If she ever rises again, there's not a doubt in my mind over what the result will be!"

"Hehe, you said it, sister!" Chika laughed... and unlike an innocent schoolgirl on a crowded train in one of her mother's (and father's) 'Shyeah-Shyeahs', she now knew that she was in complete control of this situation! Yep, it's time to say it: Cave had activated Chika's trap card! "And ya know what's even crazier?! I hear Arfoire's totally an eggplant farmer now! Yep, the ultimate evil, THE Big Bad... runs a simple farm! Oho, you think she wears tattered overalls? Think she says _shucks_ and _darn tootin'_?! I mean, I say 'em too, but it's a completely different beast when coming from a farmer's mouth! Haha, I can NOT see her living peacefully in the countryside, though!"

"... F-Farmer... Countryside..." C-Conveniently right that second, the trash monster was too alluring for Cave to ignore, and she completely tuned out the conversation and stared right back at the TV. Chika puffed her cheek; the trash monster wasn't even ONSCREEN right then! Her cheek radiated energy of the hottest degree, a molten sun bearing down unremittingly upon the nostalgic fighter's neck... so much so that it physically forced her to speak out some more! "... O-Oh, u-uh, sorry... Y-You know, that reminds me! T-The news just the other morning ran this real interesting story about abandoned Lowee snarklebeests, left behind in the flowing countryside by down-on-their-luck ranch hands who migrated elsewhere. You see—"

"AHA! Nowhere to hide now, Cavey!" Chika screamed, startling her tranquil girlfriend enough to widen her eyes and dilate her pupils. "You're morphin' my subjects! And not ' _Mighty Morphin_ ' either! What's going on with you?!"

The SMD warrior looked like a... yadda yadda in the headlights, didn't we cover this already? It was something about melons and supermarkets last time, wasn't it? "W-What...?! N-No, I-I was just... H-Haha, I'm... not good at conversations...? Y-Yeah! I-I feel so awkward coming up with responses, t-that I... end up talking about other stuff! S-Sorry, I really don't mean it! T-Teh, I-I guess I am kind of a dweeb after all; you've been telling me all these years, and I never noticed unti—"

"CAVEY!" So even when it was dead obvious... she was still going to fight to the bitter end?! Oho boy, this was not exactly something the red-eyed woman had anticipated!

"... I-I...!"

*"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-dooooooooooooooooong!"*

... Great, more trick-or-treaters... Saved by the bell again, but this time Cave wasn't so sure it'd end up working out in her favor... Sighing, the red-haired secret-keeper pushed her hands against her lap as she pried herself from the couch. "Let's just drop it, alright? Here, I'll get it."

"... Hmph! Pausing."

"..." Her heart racing, and her mind constantly reminding her how stupid she is, the not-so-stylish soldier shuffled to the door... and soon found herself in the presence of four extremely-familiar faces! Wow, two groups of four in a row! "... Linda's gang? Teh, you've arrived later than I expected..."

Indeed, dear readers, 'twas true: at long last, dear(er) Underling had made her grand entrance... and true to form, accompanying her was the purple-haired impostor, Nepgeo; the heroine of justice, Nisa; and the business-savvy alchemist, Gust! Wow, how long has it been since we've seen them in person?

Let's not delay them any further! Linda, tremendous witch hat atop her head, rolled her eyes at her former commander's surprise appearance. "Goddammit... Uh, heya, Cave. The CPU skanks so cheap, they're painting their Basilicoms with egg yolk now? H-Hehe... Uh, look, we want no trouble, so just give up some candy." How many people have said that tonight? Can't anyone important follow proper Halloween .7 tradition?

"Lindy, why ya gotta be so rude?!" Nepgeo chimed in, the ascended NPC bum-rushing her way front and center like she tended to do. "Heya, Cave-baby! Gosh, you look stunning as always! I LOVE your costume! It makes you look even more perfect!"

F-Fwaa?! The redette dweebishly turned her head, a lone index finger grazing her cheek. "C-Costume? This... is my standard daily wear...?"

"I know! Isn't it PERFECT?!"

Before the flirt could salivate, Linda pulled her away by the ear. "Keep it in yer pants, you... mangy mutt!"

"M-Mangy mutt?! I-I'll show YOU 'mangy', Metallia!"

...? Cave cocked her head, clearly the opposite of being in the know. Fortunately, the compassionate and always-helpful Nisa stepped forth to explain. "Why, it is great to see you, dear comrade-in-arms! Please excuse Underling and fairest Nepgeo: tonight, they don their tailor-made cosplay outfits based upon Geo's favorite couple, and are enjoying the roleplay aspects! I may not understand it all myself, but I am happy for their enjoyment nonetheless!"

Gust pat the heroine on the back with one of her freakishly-large gloves. "Put can in it. Can't make everything sound cool. Trust Gust; Nisa never sold pony bodysuits before..."

"I-I suppose I have not... I remember that, I am dearly sorry, my lov— f-faithful sidekick!"

"Gust is not sidekick! Gust is successful saleswoman!"

As those two got lost in their own anomalous world, Nepgeo looked back at Cave and winked. Geez, a flurry of stars nearly shot out... How does she do that? "Haha, we're ONE of my favorite couples, at least, and Nisey and cute little Gusty are another! Tonight, I—" A full-body twirl... and the redhead realized that the purple-haired impostor—a member of the Leanbox army during the war last year—was showing the least amount of skin she probably ever had in her life! Yep, the complete OPPOSITE of Mina and Rei Ryghts; what a world! Apart from the brief leg skin visible beneath her skirt, the flirtatious girl wore quite the conservative armor... and, er, a dog tail? Oh, maybe if we actually let her continue, we'll have our answer. "—am Viscole Dotrish, the second princess of the Amataya kingdom! I was cursed by an EVIL witch... and now I'm part human girl, part dog!" Grinning more like a cat on the internet than a dog, she pounced on Linda and pulled her left cheek. "This spoil-sport is the Swamp Witch... Metallia!"

Underling's face went as red as one of Judge's bloody victims... Oop, are we allowed to say his name, in light of certain *developments*? "You're lucky you did the frickin' dishes the past couple nights... T-That's GREAT Swamp Witch to you, ya no good stinkin' hound!" Golly, she sure blends in with the witch costume, that's for sure. The hat fits naturally, the... lack of clothing that covered nothing but the absolute essentials shaped her form well... Yep, Linda was born to be a video game character!

"... Oh gosh, Lindy, you're perfect at this too! Please, talk dirty to me some more, babe!"

"H-Hey?! I-I'm just actin' like ya told me, dammit!"

With such unique groups, it's hellish to keep on track... so as the wholesome dog princess attempted to get to second base with the smelly Swamp Witch with a 100-day life expectancy, Nisa and Gust unsurprisingly returned to our world just in time for the scene to clear up some space. The cosmic script is polite like that sometimes.

The heroine was the brave soul to speak first. "S-So, brave Cave! How has life been faring for you? Last we met, you and Lady Chika were... u-um..."

The alchemist rolled her small eyes... er, 'eye'; it seems she's wearing a big round eyepatch over her right one. That's three sips you should take if you're playing the unspecified game along at home! "Nisa trying to say 'dating'. There, Gust saved her from humiliation."

"H-Humiliation?! N-No! I-I was getting there!"

"You were gonna say something stupid. Gust remembers last time in Lowee."

"T-That was an accident, and you know it!" The true advocate for justice shook her long... blonde hair?! Okay, no use keeping you in the dark any longer! Nepgeo decided on all the costumes for this night's outing... and she was adamant about being Visco, and Linda going as the other half of the OTP, Metallia. Who, then, could Nisa and Gust be? Well, the obvious answer would be the purple-haired impostor's absolute favorite character of all time, Najica Hiiragi, along with either her cute android partner Lila or adorable assistant Kirala.

However, in the early morning hours of this fateful summer night... the costumes went missing! Someone must've stolen them... but there was no time to investigate; the clock is always ticking, as you know! So, the crafty Geo quickly improvised two new costumes, based on yet another of her 'OTP' couples: Mio Sakamoto and Perrine H. Clostermann. If you don't know who those two characters are, and you somehow know Najica Hiiragi and Lila/Kirala... well wow, just wow. But the basic gist of it is... Mio is the older of the two, and several centimeters taller... so of course the smaller Gust fit that role! Nisa was thusly left with the short Gallian meganekko's clothes to make the pair official!

... All of these references were lost on Cave however, but she simply watched in astonishment at the four... lovers(?) bickering within their own self-contained bubbles. She once again felt... distant; like everyone else was moving so fast around her, while she simply stood still and watched life pass her by. Watched everyone adapt... while she remained stagnant.

"Forget the stupid bumpkins... What is Cave up to tonight?" H-Huh?! O-Oh, Gust was trying to initiate a conversation, and the SMD warrior almost tuned it out entirely!

As Nisa clenched her fists at the in-joke dis, the stylish soldier simply shrugged with a smile. The go-to response for any aspiring politician, coincidentally enough. "Oh, you know, nothing... special. Teh, Chika got into a... little trouble, so I'm keeping her in check tonight. Right now, we're just watching horror movies on the couch and—"

"WHAT COUCH?!" the blue-haired heroine with a blonde wig shouted, stunning a few teenagers strolling by down the road. Oh, so are normal citizens just avoiding the Basilicom?! Not cool! Either way, Cave, Gust, Nepgeo, and Linda all stopped what they were doing and looked at the melee expert, awaiting some kind of follow-up. "... I... am sorry... I don't know what came... o-over me..."

"... Stupid bumpkins," the alchemist muttered with a... blush?! Oh lordy-lord, were the stories... true?!

Haha, well... that's great news, isn't it?! Nisa and Gust may actually BE a match! Why, it's so great... that Cave wanted nothing more than to mercifully change the subject! "S-So, you have already heard from me... Wh-What are you four up to these days?" Smooth criminal, aaow!

Nepgeo began to open her mouth... but then opted to go the more chivalrous route, making a curtsy for one of her three party mates. Linda shrugged at her vitriolic(?) heroine best friend... which spurred Ms. Perrine—ooh, according to the purple-haired one, make it 'Perrine Sakamoto'—to go up to bat first. See, even they know crowd scenes are irritating to control, so they've developed a whole nonverbal system! "Well... I am glad you asked, dear friend! You see, I still scour the land in search of evildoers... but, ehm, crime rates have fallen as of late."

Underling smirked. "Nice work, Flatty; your cutting boards finally killed off all the bad guys!"

"W-Watch it! A-Anyhow, I've been training a few students in the art of crime-fighting in the meantime! They have a lot to learn... but I believe in them, as does Gusty!"

Beside her, the short eye-patched alchemist nodded, though a raised eyebrow seemed to indicate she still didn't quite agree with that unoriginal nickname. "Gust and Nisa are... partners. B-Business partners!" She looked down, shuffling her small feet, before whispering "... Saving up for nice place on Lowee border... for the two of us."

"Ahum'ph!" the heroine confirmed, heroic fists to her hips! "Gust and I have been thinking of... w-well, giving up our lives of roaming the lands, a-at least as much as we do now! Once my students are ready to pick up the mantle..." At that, 'Perrine' and 'Mio' locked eyes. Dammit, 'eye'. "... we shall settle down and... begin our new lives together. A brand new adventure awaits us! Simple lives... with the occasional baddie-beating, of course! Justice still shall never rest!... Uhm, even when 'Justice' owns a house in the prairie..."

"N-Nisa said too much! Now you're embarrassing Gust! Humiliation! 'Bumpkins' never listens!"

... Of course that's what they're planning. Nisa of all people... giving up a life of freedom? A life of nonstop heroics?! It... could never come to pass... could it? Cave had to do everything in her power not to shake her head when she responded with "That's... a-amazing! Wow, I... couldn't be happier for you two!"

"I KNOW, right?!" Nepgeo interjected, coming up from behind the two unlikely... lovers and pulling them in for some serious Dotrish hug-lovin'! "These two are so cute together! The only thing that could make their love better is... me sleeping in the middle of 'em!" BONK! From nowhere, Gust pulled out a mallet and bashed the purple-haired impostor back over to the incredulous Linda. "Y-Yipe... S-Strong arm as always, G-Gusty..."

As the fake candidate nursed her bruise, the 'Swamp Witch' caressed her girlfriend's hair before utilizing her time in the limelight. "Yeah, Flatty's got the right idea, I guess. Not much happenin' elsewhere... Haha, it's funny, me and... Geo were thinkin' about finding an actual house to live in too, y'know?" Her pointed ears flickered a bit, though the hat kinda restricted their movements. "Instead of all these expensive hotels, we can... finally have a freakin' home to come back to. No more roamin' for us!" Now, that sounded all well and good... but the former villain left out one sorta kinda maybe important detail: the house she and Nepgeo were planning to live in one day? It'd be Nisa's and Gust's, no doubt! The four had come too far to split up now!

"A princess shouldn't get smacked by a mallet like this... Yipe, yipe, yipe," Nepgeo mumbled, apparently deciding the time for Underling's heartfelt speech was up. "A fourth yipe and... Okay, it feels all better now! Now it's my turn, thanks for asking, Cave-cutie! I've actually come up with the perfect job idea!" Her right-handed index finger was rushed to the sky, mirroring several different anime at once... and making any clear reference an impossibility. "I've been everything, from a scammer to a villain to a flower shop clerk to a fanfic author to even a simple hula dancer! Buuuuuut... the one thing I've never been, and the one thing my... mother always said I'd be great as..." The (former?) queen of naughty fan-service looked up at the heavens above, the moonlight shining brilliantly, casting its warming gleam on all the weary travelers of the earth below. "... is a teacher. Somehow, some way, I'm gonna start my own school—a Girl's Only academy, of course! Open to *all* ages~—and name it after Mom."

"Geo..." Linda trailed, wrapping her bare arm around the girl she'd been dating for well over two years now. How time flies... Flies... Flies... Flies... "Don't think you're gonna go that alone, alright? I... haha, know as much about runnin' a school as you know how to not be a pervy old man, but I'm... with ya all the way!"

The fake Nepgear closed her eyes and rested her Viscole-wigged head against the witch's chest. "Lindy..." Awwww... Wait, no, she's sticking her tongue out the corner of her mouth! "You bet yer ASS you're with me all the way! Teehee, you're gonna be my most-prized 'Ms. Fanservice' teacher! We just need to get ya a pair of glasses, wrap your hair into a ponytail, and give you a sweet miniskirt... and bam, Merry Christmas, ladies!" BONK!

"G-Gust, a-apologize!"

"Why? Gust not sorry."

That was now two hammer-inflicted bruises to nurse, and the impostor got the message... but predictably by now, Cave didn't even register the staggering blunt blows.

Instead, all she could focus on was the horrifying confirmation of what she already suspected: Linda's entire group... Even they were changing. All four of them seemed quite confident over their eventual futures too! How is that... even possible?! I-It's not! I-It can't be that simple! Things don't... Well, they don't work like that!

... But no, she still needed to contain herself and hide her mind-splitting thoughts. Uphold a sense of aloof professionalism in front of her friends... if not for them, then for the woman inside the Basilicom staring a hole through the back of her skull.

"... H-Haha, that sounds... lovely... I-I'm kinda surprised, to tell you the truth!" the pale-faced soldier remarked, forming herself a great, totally-innocuous smile in the process. "... O-Oh, but look at the time!" Cave had no access to a clock. "I'd better not keep you all here for long... Us catching up is better served in a warm diner than a moonlit-porch, wouldn't you agree?"

Nisa cocked her head, and raised a muscular arm up to glimpse her wrist. "Egads, it IS getting quite late! The hotel closes its doors soon, comrades!"

Phew... It's not that Cave was uneasy around these four in particular, but... she simply was not in the mood for an extended conversation tonight. Or, any conversation at all. "Well, here, take some candy. I shall permit you to take a bit more than usual, due to our... history. May we meet again before too long!" Simple and clean; she was proud of herself for remaining so calm and civil! Observe how chicly she places some 'Special' strawberry treats into each of their bags! That's the mark of a true professional!

"Aww, these bars are so adorable! Do you really think I'm... special?" the impostor Nepgear slowly inched herself towards the SMD Warrior, batting her eyelashes like a butterfly's wings, but was quickly dragged away by her cosplaying mate.

"Haha, you're... all special to me, truly." Okay... THAT was cheesy! Still, it carried the truth; Cave had the best friends and allies in the world...

... If only she could be more like them, then things would be even better.

Nisa once more placed her hands upon her hips. If she keeps doing that, she's liable to blast off like a rocket ship. "Thank you, kind friend, and we all hope your night with Lady Chika goes off... u-um, swimmingly!" She leaned forward, bringing her open palm up to her mouth to block the others from hearing. "That couch is... a tempting beast indeed, Cave... I-If you and Chika end up getting lured into its seductive trance, I will understand!"

"... I-I shall keep that in mind... Thank you, Nisa."

The alchemist shook her head as her close 'friend' inched back into place. "Gust questions why girlfri— partn— business partner is always so loud... Learn to whisper!"

"Y-You... j-just have too good a hearing sense! H-How do you even hear so well with that hat on, anyway?! And your thick hair?!"

"Teh..." the warrior snickered, her smile somewhat weak but sincere. Oddly enough, Linda was the one to notice the strange vibe her former commander was giving off the most. Maybe it was the witch getup providing her with an uncanny sense of arcane insight, but something in that face just... looked like it was holding something back. Like Cave wanted to scream for all the world to hear... but she couldn't find the strength to actually call out. It was... worrying the former villain, to say the least.

... Y'know, it could easily be that her former commander was suffering from a delayed case of PTSD, and was about to snap at any one second... Yikes, better get a move on! She cared, but not so much that she wanted to be around for that!

...

"Farewell for the time being, my dear friend! May time continue to be on your rightful side!"

"Gust will see you later, Cave!"

"Yeah-yeah, later Cave-honey! Next you see me, I'll finally have gone all the way with little Gusty here!"

"Pervert want mallet again?"

"N-No, teehee, I-I'm good! I'm good..."

"... See ya, Cave... Don't let that idiot you're shackin' up with drive ya insane, hear me? I know how it feels!"

Thus, until next time—should there be one—the far-fetched foursome trudged out of sight, leaving this unstructured narrative... but not before Nepgeo could chime in one last time with "Oh yeah, and if ya see Najica Hiiragi runnin' around, give her a kiss for me, okay Cave-darlin'?"

"I don't know who that is!" the Leanbox devotee laughed as she shut the door, the latch profoundly clicking into place. The addictive sound reverberated off of her brain... and she remembered to take a cool breath to calm her beating blood-pumping organ. Focus, focus... Okay, there she goes, she's ready to face her lover again! A manufactured smile returning to her face, she turned around and began walking back to the site of Nisa's and Gust's 'festive' coming-out party. If only Cave knew about that experience the two had in a love hotel once... Or, maybe it's better she doesn't get clued in on that. "Wow, you'll never... believe it, Chiks! N-Nepgeo was wearing the most clothes I've ever seen; her underwear wasn't even on display, which is downright shocking! If... there's one person I'd never expect to start acting like a lady, it's... her..." There's that feeling in her stomach's raging pit again... "H-Haha, remember what we had to go through, teaching her how to use twin crossbows? She took after you fas— B-Bwaa?!" Y-Yipe, Chika's finger's right in her face! G-Geez, it nearly poked her eye out! Oh, we can go back to safely using 'eyes' again, that's good.

"Cave Middle Name Last Name," Chika resumed, tapping her toes like a procrastinator doesn't type keys on his computer, "we are NOT FINISHED!"

"F-Finished...?"

"I'm UNPAUSING now! Tell me what's bugging you?! 'What's Eating Cave Grape'?!"

"... That reference is both highly uncalled for and utterly nonsensical!"

"Well, YOU are being nonsensical! Something's wrong, and I want to find out WHAT! I want to 'Know What You Did THIS Summer'!... 'I've Gotta Get a Message to You'!"

"M-Maybe I'm just overwhelmed by your odd usage of movie and song titles!"

"CAVEY!"

Cave had fought demons, conquered cities, defended against pure evil, went hungry all those times the orphanage had negative funding in the bank account, and even faced death in all its demented forms... but nothing could prepare her for Chika's pissed gaze! "I-It's... L-Look, nothing is wrong, okay Chika?! Just... please, l-lay off!"

The Oracle recoiled as if a ghost had just punched her smack-dab in the jaw! "Lay off?! Lay OFF?!" Uh oh, the hornet's nest had been sufficiently kicked! You ever see Gamindustri hornets? Yipe! "You've been acting like some creepy robot all night... and you're tellin' ME to 'LAY OFF'?! Why don't YOU stop being so pigheaded?! Geez, how can you be so mature, and yet act so freakin' much like a CHILD sometimes?!"

"Well, maybe if you GOT OFF MY BACK, I wouldn't be ACTING LIKE THIS!"

"..."

"..."

It was hard for either woman to remember the last time they had raised their voices quite this high... and maybe it was the realization of that fact that caused them to fall silent for the next five minutes. The sounds of the film continued playing, until a frustrated Chika slammed her hand on the remote to lower the volume. Cave had really done it now...

Oh well, at least the television has closed captioning! _"Hey, check out this stupid movie. It's just this one guy talking."_ Oh, come on, that scene would've happened well over thirty minutes ago! This channel stinks...

... Silence... Silence... A dumb line from the flick... More silence...

Tick went the clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Tick, tick, tick...

"... Listen, Cavey, I'm just trying to help..." Chika sighed, her hands rising with colorful flourish as she spoke. She loved talking with her hands... Weird, her mother and aunt do that too! Her head tilted towards the redhead, but her eyes didn't look up. "If we don't 'got' each other... then what do we 'got'?"

The troubled soldier bit her bottom lip, looking down at her jittering boot. "I know... I'm sorry, Chika, it's just... nothing's wrong. Just... had a tiring past few days..."

"You... want to talk about that? Anything at all, I'm here for you... Y'know that, right?"

"... Yeah, I know."

This wasn't good enough! What IS her deal?! Chika flipped and tossed every possibility around her mint-haired head, but the results came up inconclusive. She could read her childhood friend like a book... but sometimes the words were written in another language.

... Dammit, Cave was going through something bad right now... but the eccentric Oracle had not an inkling what to do this time! Quick, she had to think, what would the scissors-wielder herself probably do in this situation?!

... That's right, she would reflect on the past! Scooching closer to her stoic girlfriend, the scantily-clad professional gently clasped her hand, which the redette was currently clenching against her pale-white thigh. "I'm always here for you, Cavey... Any problem, anything at all, and I'll help ya through it! You... did the same for me, remember?"

"... Teh, a bunch of times."

"H-Haha... well, the BIG time!" Chika began to frown. "When I nearly... y'know, gave up on my dreams. The world felt like it was crumblin' down around me... and I couldn't keep up! If it weren't for you, I'd... I dunno, be bagging groceries at a Hero City 'S-Mart' or something..."

The SMD warrior grit her teeth, her gut a smashed brick wall. "Chika... You're stronger than that, don't put yourself down. You would've made it through... You've always found a way to."

"But it's true, Cave! You helped me in more ways than you could possibly know..."

* * *

 _ **"Talk in everlasting words... and dedicate them all... to me..."**_


	10. Time in a Bottle

"C-Cavey... c-can you help me with a l-little sumthin'?"

Chika's voice came in over the webcam with little technical bandwidth issue, but something deep was clearly on her mind. Cave frowned, concerned as she watched her screen while sitting cross-legged. "Sure, Chiks... What seems to be the matter?"

The mintette bashfully looked away, tugging at the collar of her black 'dress'... Well, 'dress' is being generous; it looked far too skimpy to be a simple piece of everyday apparel. But, as the women had found out over the past few months, this outfit was apparently oracle-approved clothing! Chika chose it herself from a wide selection, and it seemed to fit her like a charm... though one major problem seemed to persist: the pants. Chika couldn't quite get used to the feel of the pants. The first second she could, she'd toss the pants out the door and serve her duties without those restricting lower garments!

... O-Oh yeah, the girl was about to respond! "Well, Cavey... I've been soooo busy lately, and there's nothing fun to do right now, aaaaaaaaaaand I heard about what all the cool kids are getting into these days..."

"... Uh, yeah...?"

"So, since we're both here using 'Yype™' webcam software..." Blatant product placement! Recent superhero films must be feelin' envious! "... Let's sext, Cavey!"

This drew out the blush that made Chika's parents squee with delight, and the SMD trainee's pigtails nearly grew ten times the size merely from embarrassment! "S-S-S-Sext?! W-What the hell are you asking?!"

On the camera, Chika simply shrugged before raising a fistful of grapes to her gaping mouth. Munch munch, chew, chew, swallow, happy. "I thought it could be a fun way for us to bond; help us scratch the itch mutually! I can't really go on too many of my 'usual sites' thanks to the shared network across the Basilicom, but they can't track my webcam's history!"

"... You have 'usual sites'?"

"What, don't you?"

Cave's blush deepened, redder than the sky was blue. "O-Of course not!" Wanna know the real answer? K-Sha, everyone does! But alas, that is one secret that the 'Officer Cadet' has firmly locked away within her heart... and nowhere else! "A-Anyway, w-we really... shouldn't do such inappropriate acts! B-Besides, I'm... in your parents' room, so that would all around be a misguided idea." It was true: she was currently house-sitting for Chika's parents, who had stepped out for some early trick-'r-treating action! Why their room? The Wi-Fi in the house sucked major 'Shyeah-Shyeahs', and this was the spot with the best chance for decent reception.

Either way, as before, the oracle-in-training winked before stuffing her face with some more grapes. Green, for what it's worth. Worth a lot, surely. "What, worried you'll get caught? Don't you know how happy my folks would be to find you 'cadoodling' yourself on their sheets? Why, they'd probably jump right in and help ya!"

"... Is... that supposed to be a good... thing?"

"Eh, I'd be kinda curious to see it." Munch.

The near-sentient blush on the redette's cheeks eventually grew genre-savvy, realizing that things were just gonna get more 'M-rated' before too long... so it committed ritual seppuku in order to give Cave the drive to change subjects. "We are DONE talking about this!"

"Hehe... For now, but one day I'll get ya, Cavey!"

"..." Teh, THAT would be the day! "So, dropping that... Can't I ask how your day went one time without you sexually harassing me?"

"Hmmmm... Nope, that can't fly!" Chika replied with a laugh. "But my day's... neh, fine. Just same old, same old since... what, March? Geez... just a few more months, and my training's up! Er, should I pass all my exams, of course... H-Heh..."

The younger woman scrunched her lips in thought, reflecting on all the hours that her best friend had been virtually locked in the Leanbox Basilicom for her full year orientation. The girl was able to visit her home every other weekend... but becoming an oracle was a laborious undertaking, requiring her to live in the holy building as if it were a boot camp of old.

Cave couldn't lie, it's been rough without her buddy. "Teh, is that so? Hasn't felt that long to me!"

"Bah, you know you've been dyin' without me! One look at this butt makes all your worries melt away!"

"Y-You're the worst!"

From there, the conversation got... lost, to put it kindly. Just two friends goofing off after a trying day at the proverbial office.

"Well, I'm just sayin', the whole wide world would be so much better if everything was green!"

"... Eh, no."

"Phooey! Alright, I'll concede: your hair can stay red... but everything else should totally go green!"

Topics... varied.

"When I opened the bathroom door... th-the largest centipede I've ever seen s-scurried behind the sink! I... couldn't feel safe stepping in there for days... Haven't seen it since..."

"Daaaaaaw... You still need me to squash bugs for ya!"

"S-Shut up! I... c-can't stand creatures with more than four legs..."

"Faa! And you're gonna be a defender of the people? That's pretty adorbs, Cave!"

"... Ruffians with guns are at least predictable..."

A few more minutes passed, with Chika rushing off to visit the Basilicom's water closet ("Just gotta, um, w-wash up real quick, be right back!")... and Cave reached over into her backpack and checked its contents. An empty water bottle; a few salted crackers; an extra pair of socks and underwear; a training energy pistol with a red ribbon tied around the grip; and her plush shamrock, Shammy. "Hey, Shams... Warm in there? Here, I got ya!" Er, well, this is... not the most common sight in the world: the stoic red-haired girl was tickling a shamrock's leaves, a soft smile making her look younger than when she actually WAS a youngster! As for why she carried such a random collection of stuff... she had come straight over the second she left her SMD training for the day! She had moved out of the orphanage by now, and basically lived at Chika's house in her absence, at least until 'schooling' was through. The mint-haired goof's parents were more than happy to accept her within their humble home...

Stock conjunctive adverb, after stroking her favorite stuffed friend for about a minute more, the pupil oracle reappeared on the laptop's screen. "Back-a-roony! Daw, is that Shammy?! Hey, Shammy! Lookin' good, girl!"

The redhead somehow managed to not blush a bit, impressive! "Yeah, she's been fine... B-But... maybe *she's* missed you... I-I tried to tell her not to, but she's still... young."

"Tee!" The young adult cheered before suddenly falling flat on her back, absentmindedly allowing Cave to see her underwear's outline through the tight pants. "... Woah, that's right! We've just been shooting the breeze so far! How's YOUR day been, Cave? I bet that 'XMB' crap is harder than an expired cannoli, huh?"

"... It's 'SMD', Chika."

"Bah, close enough!"

"Teh, tell that to my instructor's face!" Truthfully, the combat training specialists would probably laugh the slight off... but Cave didn't want to reveal that! "Anyhow, it's... proceeding well. Not much to talk about, honestly; today was simply review."

"OOH! Did you have to shoot things? Climb a huge wall?!"

"... Heh, yeah, a HUGE wall!"

...

 _ **EARLIER THAT DAY...**_

 _"Cave! Climb over the wall, stat!"_

 _"Sir, yes, sir!" Cave dashed onto the course... and frowned at the one-foot-high cardboard box. "This... is the wall?"_

 _The grizzled veteran lowered his sunglasses. "Budget constraints, just pretend it's a huge one."_

...

The memory ended, and the aspiring soldier shook her head. "... I've sped through all the combat lessons already... N-Need to wait a couple more weeks before they have something new for me."

Chika simply nodded, her attention more locked on a grape she prepared to toss into the air. Going, going... yes, landed right on the tip of her tongue! "Wow... You're really... k-killin' it there, eh? W-Well, I guess it's better to be way ahead than fallin' behind! H-Haha..." Hmm... Something was strange about her voice there, Cave detected. She moved to question... but the long-haired beauty wasn't finished! "S-So, what about after that? Were my folks home when ya got there?"

"Oh..." Huh... For now, she'd store that away in her mental lock-box. "No, actually... but your aunt was."

"...? Oh, Seika... She still there?"

"Teh, no, she had some trick-'r-treating quest to do, or something of the sort... It's gonna take all night, apparently! I offered her some help, but..." She really forgot to. "... y-you know those adventurer types; they get quite stubborn!"

"Yeah, adventurers are the ONLY ones!" Chika lapped up another two grapes, her lips angled downwards in something resembling a light frown. "So, um, what did you... two talk about? I doubt she... left right away, eh?"

E-Eh? W-Why was she... asking about that?! Cave rubbed her hair, frazzling her pigtails in the process. "Uh... H-Haha, n-nothing much! She just... wanted me to help her choose out an... outfit... That's it!" That's NOT it; not all of it, at least...

...

 _ **ROUGHLY 40 MINUTES AGO...**_

"C-Cave... U-Um, since you're... here," Seika began, averting her eyes from the blank-faced visitor, "would you mind... helping me with, uh, somethin'...?"

The SMD cadet, tickling one of Mr. Fern's stems, raised an eyebrow at the black-haired woman's shy question. "Hmm? Um... sure... Anything, Sei."

The older woman—looking more and more every day like she would forever be stuck in her twenties like Chika's mother—lit up like a bulb immediately, and gripped the arm of her niece's best friend. "A-Awesome, follow me!"

Out of the kitchen, down the hall, and straight to the black-haired young woman's bedroom; a den that no one outside her bloodline, apart from Cave, had ever dwelled. How nice that the Hakozakis gave her an actual room! Why, they treated Sei like their own daughter!

The room in question was an... oddly-intimate setting, with rainbow-colored wallpaper and posters of classic '60s rock bands—seems "the '60s" are an accepted part of canon now—and stenciled artwork strewn about and even groovy lava lamps! Her bed, unlike the homeowners', was circular in nature, with heart-shaped pillows adorned with several anime high-school girls. Ah, there's the ever-famous Tamao Suzumi; a favorite of the Hakozaki household, immediate members or otherwise! Our red-haired maiden had no idea how someone was supposed to get a good night's sleep on such an unconventional mattress... or even what the two sets of pillows implied, but she couldn't deny that... it at least looked inviting.

Still, as she looked around at the older girl's room, Cave couldn't help but feel like... she didn't belong. Conversely, Seika felt that no one else BUT Cave belonged! As such, she pat the side of the bed reserved for any future... 'hopeful' guests... and beamed. "Here, make yourself at home! Mi casa es tu casa!... S-Sheh-heh, d-did I say that right?"

Sei's lingering gaze elicited a delicious blush from the younger woman. "I-It sounded good to me... but I'm no expert either, actually..." Damn school system failing on actually teaching second languages! Or teaching anything, really. Figuring it would only be polite to take her generous offer, the member of the 'LWF Universe' gingerly took a seat, and she instantly felt the sensation of melting into the soft cushiony sheets! "Wow... This bed is wonderful!"

"Sheh! Don't ya just want to lay in it forever?!" Chika's aunt cooed, resting her cheeks in her delighted hands. She wasted no second in admiring Cave's relaxed form. "I know Chik's bed is kinda lame... so, ummmm..." A thumbnail found its way to her mouth, like a magnet to an atomic bomb. Both were liable to explode, albeit in magnificently-different ways. "... if ya want, you could... s-stay in here with me! I-It may look kinda small, b-but I don't need all the room just for myself, actually! S-Sh...eheh..."

"W-Wha...?!" Dah! Oh no, unwiden those humilating bulged-out eyes, Cave! "Th-That sounds..." She rapidly shook her head. "S-So, a-anyway, wh-what did you need my help with?!"

Little Miss Black Hair perked up at the reminder. "A-Ah yeah, s-silly me!" Without any formal explanation, the young adult yanked open her closet door and reached inside, standing on one leg... and her tippy toes, at that! Luckily her skirt was of the long variety. "I... hmm, where are they?... I have a quest I gotta do tonight! Pays the big bucks... Gotta dress up for Halloween and lure out some creepy candy-based monster. It camouflages as 'Libra Zebra' bars; crazy, eh? Soooo... I need your help picking out both a good costume AND decent combat wear! You're, like, super smart, Cave, so I know I can trust ya!"

Oh, that is... certainly something. "You... r-really trust me...?"

"Shyeah, of course! Now... HERE'S the three I was mulling over. 'Were' mulling over? Was 'was' correct? Bah, I fight monsters, grammar has no use to me." On the free side of the bed, Seika tossed over three plastic clothes hangers... and Cave's face turned dark at the smallest glance. "I, uh, found these babies online. Said they'd 'empower women!' or whatevs... They're called 'high-cut armor'." Is that what the kids call it these days? To the wannabe-soldier, these 'costumes' simply looked like skimpy bikinis with the occasional fancy frill. Ooh, but look, they at least have vambraces! So, the wearer's... arms would be protected from cuts, purportedly.

"Wow... T-This is armor? Hell, a Halloween costume?"

"S-Sheheh, umm... I don't know the reference myself, but apparently they work like charms! And the armor boosts my 'HP' up by 10 points, and I think my 'ATK' gets multiplied by two! My 'TEC' takes a slight hit, but my accuracy's so high by default I can't possibly miss!"

"Does that... make any sense...?"

"Not one bit! But, it's worth a try! I think the science lies in the outfit raising the party's morale, if I had to guess. I'm flying solo—" A quick intruding sigh. "—I *ALWAYS* fly solo— but it's the thought that counts... I think."

Cave reflected on this fact: less clothing actually boosts up the party's morale... and in a world filled with perverts like Chika, conceptually it made sense. Unfortunately... the costume only affected the person wearing it, NOT the party! So, then... where's the sense?

... Oh well, fretting about fabric won't solve the world's crime problem. It'd be best for her to analyze each armor set's... er, designs, and determine which one would help the lovely Seika the most. "... Ah, have you tried any of these on yet?"

The black-haired girl didn't seem to understand the easy question at first, her eyes widening in sudden surprise. "Have I..." Pale-white skin morphed into the pink shade of a strawberry ice-cream cone. Yeah, the scoop on top; not the physical cone, ya dips! "Oh, haha, no... I-I forgot to try 'em, sheh!"

Figures; everyone in this family is so forgetful! Cave folded her arms, not sure what to say. "Well... It'd be impossible to ascertain anything if we first can not confirm whether they fit your form or not. Armor that constricts movement would be a disaster waiting to happen! Here, try them all on right now and see how they feel, and I will judge what I see as well!" At the time, it was an innocent and logical proposition... but the second her top lip reconnected with the bottom, she realized what she had actually uttered: she basically told the 20-something to strip in front of her.

... Haha, that would never fly! She had better correct herself before there's any misunde— "O-Oh my... T-That's a wonderful idea! Y-You're such a genius, C-Cave!" Oh dear lord, there goes her shirt already. No no no... undershirt, too... Pants as well. The redhead's eyes had all-but-entirely vanished from her face by this point, but Seika had not a care in the world. She scrutinized the three bikinis. "Welp, I can't possibly wear underwear beneath somethin' so skimpy... so let's depose of these rascally things!" And with that, we must censor the next ten minutes!

...

The shameless dressing and undressing concluded, and the two mutual housemates had decided on the second outfit; it had longer stockings and was a sleek shade of dark blue, so it was a clear front-runner. Afterwards, the two stood in silence, ignoring the fact that one half of the pairing had been sans clothing just a few moments ago. Several times.

Seika's bashful tendencies returned, forcing her jaw zipped-shut in front of the girl she found so fascinating... so it was up to the awkward Cave to settle matters and break the lapse of vocal communication. Reaching out, she took hold of the adventurer's frilly collar and smiled softly, her mouth no larger in area than her nose! Anime's strange. "There! Uh... you look great... Are you ready for the quest? Slaying monsters... It's not such an easy undertaking."

The older girl nodded, her lips attempting a cocky smile in spite of her shaky resolve. "Feh, this is nothing! I've slain countless bigger monsters out there! No worries; I'll be back tonight in exactly one piece!" A turn of the head. "You can double-check when I return... 'cuz I better find ya in my bed!... A-Ah, to sleep together in it! U-Um, c-catch some 'Zs', I mean! D-Dang, stupid stupid stupid..."

"Haha, I see... Well, so long as you return safely, then... I-I won't let you down either!" Snickering, the redette closed her eyes, her thin fingers still clenching the collar's soft material. "... Is adventuring fun? A-And worth it? Not even counting the money... How does the liberation feel? The... thrill...? What's it... like?"

"Shyeah-hah! W-Well, I don't wanna brag or make ya feel jealous, but..." Chika's aunt must've been swept away by a tidal wave of sweet and commanding feelings, for her eyes sparkled like a child's. Not in a 'childish' way, either; her pupils carried a sense of... wonderment that usually gets lost in the transition to adulthood. She may have been forced to grow up... but not all of her had to. "God, there's no better feelin', Cave! I couldn't live without this... ah man, 'thrill' doesn't even capture it! Going on countless adventures I couldn't even dream about when I was a kid... There's no way I can ever give all that up!" An eye so sly, her avid listener couldn't even tell. "Weeeeell... unless I found the *right* person to tame me... b-but sheheh, th-that's not likely! Livin' on the edge, being unusual... it's too much in my blood now! A normal life? Bleh, no thanks! I don't like table manners, and I won't like livin' like a 'normie'!"

... Teh! All these years, Cave had been somewhat intimidated by this girl, even when the two went on that super-awkward 'dance date'... but turns out, she was just as human as anyone else! Skilled, sure, but everyone was good at something; that doesn't make them aces at life itself! Seika was a good fighter, a reliable adventurer, a hopeful dreamer... but she was also goofy, oftentimes nervous, and perhaps even a bit TOO much of a dreamer! She wasn't some perfect being, or strict adult, or judgmental omniscient grown-up; she simply was... human! Human human human!

... Human. A human who just wanted to be understood. A human always searching for that next grand thrill in her life! A human searching for... her place in the world.

A human who grew up... but perhaps found a way to stay young; a way to ward off time! Adventuring allowed her to keep her youthful innocence!

Wanting to stay young, forever... The SMD cadet could certainly relate. To think, Seika felt this way too! Did others? Did, pray tell, CHIKA?!

... Geez, the SMD cadet still had a lot to learn about the world!

Full-on grinning now, Cave's fingers finished their administrations to the older girl's collar. "Teh, that sounds just like you! You are correct, I am jealous!"

"Don't have to stay that way! Ya know, you could join me..."

"... H-Haha, I'll consider it, but don't hold your breath. Besides, being a soldier is... kind of similar... Ah, there! If you ever need a technical shooter on your side, I've got your back." 'Side' would've been a better pun. "Er, once I earn my SMD license..."

Seika couldn't look away, her chin inching downwards to graze the fingers still at her neck. "Heck yeah!" Staring, staring, stari— "Cave... You're gonna... make someone real happy someday. Like, the happiest ever."

"... You too, Sei. What a fortunate soul they'll be."

Believe it or not... the soon-to-be-stylish soldier heard nothing odd or misleading with what she just said; in her head, it simply sounded like a comforting friendly phrase, one she was earnestly proud of!

As such, it came as a total surprise when she found herself looking directly into Seika's eyes, the older girl having deemed personal space a mere formality... and claiming her lips for her own. Cave was so shocked, she couldn't even push away or even garble in confusion! Honestly, she was more worried about making a fool of herself, one way or another. Break out of the kiss, and turn EVERYTHING awkward FOREVER! Keep kissing, and risk learning that her smooching skills were not up to par! Oh yeah, and maybe lose a drop of self-respect in the process; that too.

What to do, what to do?! Should she ke— Oh, S-Sei's already breaking away...

The black-haired girl, realizing the magnitude of what she had just done, slowly backed away... before lunging for her adventuring backpack and peddling out the room! "G-G-G-Gotta go now, C-Cave! I-I'll... s-see ya tonight... r-right?!" she called... and in record time, the front door slammed shut.

Cave blinked. Another blink. Two more blinks. An eyebrow raise... aaaaaand a blink. "... See ya tonight..."

... Yep, she still had a WHOLE lot to learn about the world...

...

Unfortunately for her, however... Seika would not be returning that night. In fact... Seika would never be seen... again...

...

... Okay, that's a complete lie: Seika returned home safe and sound before midnight, and the redhead may or may not have slept with her in the unique bed... but that's a tale for another day. That one'll cost you some serious cash, in any case. Yet another thing she's managed to keep locked away from all outside eyes...

...

 _ **BACK... ER, FORWARD TO THE ACTUAL FLASHBACK...**_

Phew, that was distracting! Hopefully that actually holds some relevance to anything... but eh, most definitely not.

Where were we...? Oh, yes, Cave had handwaved away her encounter with Miss Sei (why give all the 'naked' details, right?), and Chika was busy rolling her eyes at hearing her aunt's name! "Freh..." She's chalk full of these wacky exclamations, ain't she? "Still doin' her stupid quests... Y'know, if she cares so much, she should just take one of those 'Advanced' jobs already!"

Cave's ears perked up. "Hmm? 'Advanced'... jobs?"

"Yeah, I guess the guild she works for is lookin' to sail in search of mysterious islands far away from Gamindustri's shore! Once they get the paperwork all in order, she could be gone for as much as like three, maybe four years!" Is that a purple grape among the green ones? No matter; the oracle-in-training chomped it without even looking! "She clearly cares more about adventurin' than all of us, so she should just take it. Rake in the dough, have fun... and forget about us 'simpletons'..." Seems she still has a lot to work out with her only-slightly-older aunt who shared a home with her.

"... I'll have to ask her about the job in her be— er, when she returns tonight... But cut her some slack, she's not snobbish like that! You know, I still don't see why you always speak ill of her. She seems... quite grounded. I wouldn't mind seeing her more often, actually..."

The mint-haired girl merely shook her head. "... Frek, she's already gotten to ya!" Beneath her breath, she added "She's trying to take you from me..."

"What was that? Speak up, the reception is leaving a lot to be desired." Seems Cave heard none of that last part. Figures...

"... Baaah, it's nuthin', fo'get about it!" Three green grapes were delicately placed along the goof's extended tongue... and like a lizard, the oral organ coiled upwards and brought the fruits into her eager mouth. "Any-any-Weis, she's just a... j-jerk, I say! She wants to live free as a 'green bird' with a 'large feather'... and she forgets about me, Mom, and Pop! How could you forget where you came from?!"

"That reminds me: have you told Lady Green Heart that you have a living family yet?"

Nothing major spewed from her lips... but Chika's eyes widened as if the question could pierce the armor of an Avenir super-tank. "Oh, um... w-well, that's different! Vert looks so cute when she calls me her sister... She thinks she's all I have in the world, h-hehe... I h-haven't found the right time to tell her about my folks! O-Oh, but she knows of you, though!"

"... I'm flattered, I suppose." What a card... The future soldier, having naturally rolled over onto her stomach, kicked her legs in the air behind her like the carefree schoolgirl she never quite was. "Speaking of... You're calling her Vert now, huh? She... okay with that? It'd make sense for someone of her stature to demand a proper title when addressing her."

The pants-wearing trainee ogled a grape the size of Green Heart's che—ek. "Ahhhhh... Vert's the best, she really is! She's, like, so easy-going! I had no idea she'd be this lax, y'know?" A satisfied cat-grin. "I'm gonna try callin' her 'Verty' and see where that gets me! She's the only good part about being he—" At once, her smile vanished into the haze of the October air. From the highest of the high to lower than the planet's core... which would eventually bring you up high again should you be some supernatural entity capable of withstanding the core's molten center and able to travel the same length the opposite way... but you get it by now. "I-I mean, sh-she's the BEST part about being trapp— Uh, about goin' through orientation, h-heh!"

... Uhuh. There it was again: the sense that something mighty was irking her best friend. Cave scrunched her lips to the right, thinking of a way to indirectly draw the answer out. Best start with the obvious. "So, what's it like to be an oracle-in-training? Tough I bet? Or is the work a... cinch?"

Chika considered the question for an extended moment, her head physically jouncing around in search of a metaphysical thought. The answer she ultimately landed on... must not have been a good one, for her face went even more solemn. She wasn't skilled at hiding anything; you should see her playing poker! "O-Oh, it's... cool, it's cool. Sure, there's a lot of work... and half the stuff I barely understand... and I gotta study like 15 different text books a night just to keep up... and there's so many styles of negotiation I have to memorize... and these clothes aren't comfy... and I can only leave the Basilicom's grounds like once every two weeks... and the guards all give me weird stares, like I'm some irredeemable idiot in their eyes..." She took a deep breath, before sticking five grapes into her mouth. Like a slob, she chewed with her mouth open, a few shreds of berry skin propelling out. "Oh, and I can't even go trick-'r-treating tonight, or wear a stinkin' costume in my own chambers... b-but y'know? I-It's all... worth it, yeah? I-It's fun in its own way! And who cares about not being able to celebrate one of my... f-favorite holidays, w-with my best friend or even just myself... A-At least I have my imagination! H-Hehe, and wh-when you think about it, isn't imagination the best costume of all?!"

"... Jesus, Chika." Well, wasn't THAT all a punch right in the gut?! "Do you have... something you need to get off of your chest?" On the screen, her sweating childhood friend smashed a fistful of grapes into her face. "I'm... here for you. H-Haha, just don't try to eat me too, okay?"

Gromgromgromgromgrom... Gulp! Ahhhhhhhhhh~... Refreshing! "S-Sneh, I-I'm fine, Cavey! I-I love it here!"

"... Chika, it is not good to bottle things up. I'm not the type to use hyperbole... but your head is literally going to pop."

"... Really, Cavey, it's fine! P-Please, let's just change the subject, or... somethin'...!"

The redhead frowned; she hated dealing with stubborn people... Yeah, put that on a plaque somewhere. "Alright, moving on then..." Crap, but what now? Cave wasn't adept at starting off small-talk in the slightest, ESPECIALLY when she clearly could tell her friend was troubled and yet wouldn't talk about it. She had to play her cards right... Damn, if only SHE was any good at poker either! "So, uh... H-How's the... fauna around the Basilicom?"

"The... fauna?"

"Y-Yes... There's... virtually a forest surrounding the castle, right? A-And there's a huge expanse of yard... I'm surprised Green Heart hasn't renovated the building; she could fit the world's largest man-made structure there and STILL have room to spare!"

Chika looked down, glimpsing her green fingernails. "Neh... I haven't noticed much. Birds, squirrels... No zombies yet."

... Okay. "I see... S-So, um, wh-what's the Basilicom look like?! I-I, haha, have never seen it before!"

"Huh? Cave, you're the one who showed me it, remember?"

"... Oh yeah... B-But not up close!"

"... It's a building, that's for sure. Needs some clean-up, big time... Guess that's another thing I'll have to deal with..."

"A-Ah..." This conversation had... stalled, to say the least, with the mintette's mood dampening with each tick of the clock. Cave needed to pull out the big guns now! She pushed off the mattress and elegantly transitioned back into her earlier 'criss-cross applesauce' sitting pose. "Y-You know, I... a-actually didn't tell you everything about Seika earlier! Um... s-so she asked me to help her pick out a... costume, and... s-she actually stripped down right before my eyes! Th-That woman has no shame, right?! H-Haha, crazy..."

Chika barely flinched, her fingernails fortunately not spouting anything insulting about a game or movie they don't like. That didn't stop her from watching them, granted... "Yeah, that's my si— Sei. When are ya two just gonna 'do' it already?"

"E-Excuse me...?!"

"She's been hitting on ya forever... Just do each other already! Do it, have lots of fun, get married... Might as well, right? You two have a lot in common, so... at least you guys'll be happy..."

"... Chika?" This is serious now... Dammit, what could she do?! What would cheer a pervert right up?... Oh God no, Cave wasn't going to... *degrade* herself, was she?! "... W-What if I don't... w-want to 'do' Seika, Chiks? What if..." Gulp... Farewell, self-respect! The SMD cadet seductively tugged on her neck ribbon. "... I've reconsidered your earlier offer, and now I only want to... s-s-sext with you? You, me, this webcam which hopefully can't be tracked by outside phishers... What do you say to that... Chi~ka~?" Ugh, she'd need to gag herself with a spoon after this!

So... did the future oracle take the bait? "Neh, in a few hours, Seika'll be home, right? Probably more fun to touch her than waste time with me... Maybe even wait for my folks to come back."

Crap! Damn! M-rated curse words she refused to think, like SHIT! Oh, oops... "Okay, that DOES it! Chika, talk to me! I can't do anything if you just push me away!"

"... It's FINE, Cave! F,I,N,E, FINE!" Another grape bites the dust. Or more accurately (and less referentially), another tooth bites the grape.

"You just finished up telling me to sleep with the aunt you claim to despise... That's unusual even for YOU!"

"W-Well... N-Nuh-uh!" And another one gone, and another one gone... Another tooth bites the grape!

Cave, frustrated, stared with dull eyes at her best friend's iconic twin-bow, resting at the top of her long-haired head. The exact same one Cave bought her many years ago... It had been so long, the precise details were understandably hard to remember... but it was on that day that she swore to never let her friend down again.

She made a vow... and she wasn't going to break it now. "... Talk to me, Chiks... Please. Tell me everything: all about your burdensome study materials, all your classes, the progress you've made, even your uncomfortable pants! Just... unload it all upon me so you can... s-smile again! I... can't physically be there for you right now, and that's... killing me, so words are all I have... All WE have."

"..."

"... What's eating you, Chika?" It was then that... the most brilliant line that could've dawned on Cave at that moment miraculously flew into her brain! Yes... YES! T-This is perfect! Why, this may just be the greatest thought her mind had ever conceived! Appropriate in all instances, humorous to take the edge off, and sincerity oozing from its fluffy center!

With a determined broadening of the shoulders, Cave earnestly smiled at her dearest friend... and opened her young adult-sized mouth.

"'What's Eating Chika Grape'?" Nailed it.

But... how did it land for her designated target? Weeeeeeeell... the face of the future oracle fastly displayed an expression of sheer disbelief; did a girl like Cave really just say *that*? This disbelief transformed into two rounded puff cheeks, stretched at both ends like a hotdog that clearly didn't meet the chef's high standards. "I..." she began, before falling markedly silent. An eyebrow lifted itself high, and her mouth opened... only to close again as confusion settled in, a bird nesting atop her brain. A long finger, accusatory in nature, was pointed at the screen, and it even did what looked to be a nice twirly dance... but it fell after a few scant rotations. Her cheeks flared once more as her left hand pulled on an out-of-place strand of hair, and she sat right up... er, only to fall with her face extremely close to the camera, both eyes blinking rapidly. From there, she clumsily somersaulted backwards, nearly kicking her own computer off of its resting spot in the ill-thought-out process. "... I-I..." Phew... There, did you get all that? That test is still coming up, so be ready!

Did Cave... break her best friend? "Er, C-Chiks...?"

"I..." A fidgety hand reached into the bag of grapes, seizing about three more tasty berries. "C-Cavey... A-ALL *I* can eat now are GRAPES!" With the power of a professional baseball player, the pants-wearing lass threw the fruits towards her own screen, the small balls bouncing off like that proverbial hotdog above. "I-I'm so freakin' nervous, I can't even eat anything else! H-Hell, drinking anything heavier than water will make me toss my cookies! I-I c-can't do this anymore, C-Cavey!"

"C-Chika, c-calm down!" In the end, her plan worked... but instead of opening up a passage for communication, the SMD cadet had blown open the damn floodgate!

Miss Hakozaki gripped her long hair with both fists, tugging it in opposite directions in dear frustration. "Th-This is too damn hard, I'm going crazy! I-I've never been more overwhelmed in my entire life! The work's too hard, I'm outta my element! I-I'm just a big freakin' idiot! I'm a failure!"

"H-Hey, d-don't speak like that! Th-That's not tr—"

"Look at this thing, Cave," Chika began, bending over to the floor just off-screen... and soon she heaved up a behemoth. Mamma Mia, that's a book the size of seven stacked laptops! The earth visibly shook as she dropped it on her bed. "J-Just LOOK at this!"

"W-What... is that?"

"THIS is everything I need to know by my big oracle exam in March! Apart from all the stinkin' math, physics, chemistry, and freakin' health class stuff in here... I've got proper Sharicite storage, managing national finances, maintaining international relations, combat tutorials, every single code for all sorts of emergencies... Do YOU know what to do in the case of a swarm of dragons invading the airspace, Cave?"

The future soldier barely managed to frown. "Erm... sorry, you got me there."

Cheeks red and tears swelling, the government trainee picked up one more grape and squashed it tight in her clenched palm. "Well, NEITHER do I! M-My head's not gonna pop, Cavey; it's gonna explode! No, IMPLODE! Maybe both, like, seven times! EACH!" A sniffle. "W-Who the hell wrote this thing anyways?! H-How many oracles were there before me?! Were there any?! Vert doesn't even know! S-So, who the hell WROTE THIS?! W-Who wrote the rules, huh?!"

Cave, best friend instinct kicking in, reached out for the sobbing girl... but like a dweeb, realized at the last second that a computer screen separated them. Distance separated them. "... Chika, listen to me... I know things seem rough, maybe impossible right now, but... you can do it. You are living in the Basilicom for a reason, alright? The ones who make the calls, be it Vert or otherwise, never would've selected someone they didn't believe in. You're a girl who has memorized the lyrics to nearly every song from the '60s and '70s; that book may look intimidating... but give yourself some credit, please."

"... I want to go home, Cavey... I miss Mom, and Dad, and you. Heck, Seika too... Even our trusty mailman!" Her eyes cast downward, carrying a heavy weight within them. "I don't wanna let any of ya down, but... I'm gonna fail anyways if I stay. I've wasted everyone's time bein' here, and I'm just gonna waste more if I keep trying in vain to be what I'm not. Best not delude myself any longer..."

"Chika, we ARE proud of you. No matter what happens. You're... loved by all of us, always... But, you CAN do this, please hear me!"

Another sniffle, and a tear escaped down her young pink cheek. "... I miss the old days, Cave. Like, so much, it hurts... I wish we could go back to being kids. Back then, most we had to worry about was homework and tests, stupid show-and-tell projects, or stealing candy from behind Si— Seika's back. Not now, where a simple screw-up could risk the freaking world's safety! Just want to go back in time... but no. Time goes by, far too fast at that... We can never go back to the simple days again, can we?"

It was the most depressed the redhead had ever seen or heard her friend in their entire lives... and as so often was the case, Cave was completely lost on what to do. Dammit, why couldn't she be there to hug her?! To whisper in her ear that the fear, the worry, the *uncertainty* of the future... was mutual? Tell her that she wasn't alone, and would never BE alone! Hold her, comfort her, and remind her that things often seem far worse than they really, truly are?

Curse time! Curse words! Time only brought problems, and words could only do so much to help!

... Then, a brand new idea hatched. An... unusual idea for basically anyone, but none more so than the SMD cadet. Still, desperate times call for desperate cliches.

Clearing her voice, Cave stared straight at the crying young adult's clouded eyes. "Chika, you are thinking crazy. You're smart, you're capable, you... can do anything. You are nervous about becoming an oracle? You don't think you can do it? You don't think it fits you? Hah, you couldn't be more wrong! No matter how hard you may have things, that's... nothing compared to what I'm a-about to... d-do!" A bit shaky on the landing there... She needed to slow her speeding heart if she was going to get through this!

"C-Cave? Wh-What do you... mean?" Chika asked between the sobs. She wiped her eyes with the backs of both hands, clearing her vision so she could get a better read on her friend. "What are... you about to do?"

The redette blinked one last time... before sitting up as straight as she could and lifting a sophisticated gloved hand, pressing the tips of her fingers gently to her breastbone. Deep breath... and GO!

" _'If I could save time in a bottle...'_ "

"... N-No, Cavey, d-don't you dare do this! Not now!"

" _'... the first thing that I'd like to do—'_... Come on, Chika, I can not do this alone."

"W-Why are you...?!"

" _'_ _... is to save every day—_ "

"Ah, darnit... _'—'til eternity passes away—'_ "

" _'—just to spend—'_ " " _'—them with you...'_ "

The two each took time to breathe, the music in their heads momentarily paused. Cave maintained her determined air despite her shy insides, and Chika couldn't help but forget her tears. She struggled not to beam... but the temptation was proving too strong.

The redhead smiled. "Feeling... better yet?"

"... M-Maybe just a teensy bit... I-I think I still need to hear a little more first..." A sideways glance. "B-But, may I... start this next part off?"

"Teh, alright, I see how it is!" Haha, as if she was ready to stop any time soon! "Well... take it away, 'Leanbox's next oracle'!

The mintette blushed. "Cavey... Th-Thanks... _'If I could make days last forever...'_ "

" _'If words could make wishes come true...'_ "

" _'I'd save... every day—'_ "

" _'—like a treasure and then...'_ "

" _'Again—'_ " " _'Again—'_ "

" _'—I would spend—'_ "

" _'—them with you!'_..."

"Haha... You sure are proficient at this!"

"Me? Look at you, Miss Quiet-McNopants! Where have you been hiding those pipes?! How come you never joined the school Chorus or anything?"

"I-I couldn't possibly s-s-sing in front of... so many people..."

"Hehe, you're so cute, Cave!... One last go?"

"... With pleasure."

"Sweet, this is my favorite-ist part!"

"... You are lucky I'm being generous with correcting people today."

"Bah, you know I speak like 'dis' just to mess with ya!"

"Haha... I doubt it!"

"You love it, toots! Or should I call ya 'tush'? The SMD sure gave you, like, the greatest uniform ever! I can see that *thing* from here!"

"W-Watch it!"

"Hehe!... _'But there never seems to be enough time—'_ "

"... Teh-heh... _'—to do the things you want to do—'_ "

" _'—once you find them!'_ Haha, nailed it!"

"Feh, not done yet! _'I've looked around enough to know...'_ "

" _'... that you're the one I want to go through—'_ "

" _'—time with.'_ " " _'—time with.'_ "

...

The hours went along as perpetually as always... but right here, right now, the friends didn't seem to mind. All worries, at least for tonight, were cast aside, nothing but small petals blown away from a big flower. Chika's tears had subsided... and she was more determined than ever now to... well, see whatever fate awaited her through to the end. No half measures here; she needed to give her best. She owed her comrade that much.

"Thanks for everything, Cavey... You're the best, ya really are. Heh, I... forgot how sappy you could be! I-It... It, uh, it makes me smile... Y-Yeah."

"That's what friends are for, Chika. Haha, never stop smiling for me."

"... Y-Yeah, f-friends... H-Heh, well, with lines like that, I don't even need to tell ya to never stop being your sappy self!"

"... Not a word to ANYONE, got it? T-Teh... Haha, it's reserved solely for you."

"Well then... I'm the luckiest oracle in the world!"

"And I'm the luckiest... soldier."

"..."

"..."

"... So, Cavey... Wanna try that sext stuff now?"

"... Welp, there goes the mood."


	11. Chapter 5: Just GO, Love and Peace!

As the warm memories passed on by like the summer breeze circling the holy house, the two women, caught in that tiny wave of endearing nostalgia, sat back and nearly forgot about the troubles of the previous few hours. Man, how time flies by without a hitch; it felt like only yesterday that they were just learning the ropes of life. Now, here they were: watching movies while technically under house arrest. There's some poetry in there somewhere, surely.

Still reveling, Chika leaned closer to her friend-turned-lover. "Remember? Hehe... I honestly wanted to punch you back then pretty bad!"

Cave slumped back into her seat, her gloved hands seeking pockets that she did not have. "Punch me?"

"Yeah! I told myself I was supposed to marry Verty... but I could never fully get you outta my head after that night! You totally sabotaged my ability to 'swing' with her! I blame YOU for why I couldn't fully commit all 155% of my heart to my darling sister!" The girl made quite the unflattering sound with her tongue between her lips, winking as she did so. "Bah, I guess I can't push off all the blame; as a kid, I knew I loved ya more than anything! Thought I was just 'confused' when we got older, though... Guess I shoulda given myself more credit even back then, huh? Hehe, we were best friends growing up... but deep down, I always felt odd about callin' you my 'friend'. Friends don't have the feelings that... I had whenever you were around."

The redhead blushed at the earnest confession. "C-Chika... I felt the exact same way. A-At least... I think I did. Things got... 'muddled' after I met Lyrica... I was a mess, h-haha!"

"YEAH, you were!"

"... But, maybe I felt an added layer of guilt, because... I knew that even if I somehow won her over, I wouldn't be able to provide her the love she deserved; you already stole half of it."

"Only half? Admit it, I robbed you of everything before we wore bras, babe!"

"Getting disturbing again!" The soldier shook her head, suavely wearing a bemused smirk like her DLC suit. "But perhaps you are right... Teh, if only we had this conversation years earlier, eh? Could've saved us a... lot of trouble, not to mention time."

Chika chuckled, lightly tapping the skin beneath her own left eye. "Yep... Well, young and stupid, they say! Besides, I'm kinda glad things worked out the way they did! Apart from the whole 'everyone nearly/actually dying' snafu, we have a whole lotta stories to tell!" The girl, seduction oozing like toothpaste from a near-empty tube, gripped her clothed left forearm as she eyed her girlfriend with the sideways glance that had remained with her throughout the ages. "You know, WHEN we have kids one day, we'll have so many 'Tales of Old' to yabber on to 'em that they're gonna be born with their eyes rolling! Hmm, I woooooonder how far off that is...?" As basic 'getting Cave flustered' material as it got!

The SMD warrior, however, returned to observing her combat boots instead of reacting with a tasty dose of shyness. "'Tales... of Old'... Yeah, guess we... have a lot. Enough to fit... sixteen lifetimes, I suppose..."

A frown; welp, that didn't last. Seems she couldn't push it off any longer: the scantily-clad professional needed to 'get down to the heart of the matter', pront-diddly-o!

"Oh, but we're digressin' big time now..." Placing her arms around her chest, Chika nodded several times, as if an imaginary soft rock beat played in her mind. From '89, this time. "As I was sayin' before, Cavey: I wouldn't be where I am now without you!"

"... Stuck in Lastation's Basilicom?"

"Hey, better than being stuck in a gutter somewhere, lost and out in the cold!"

Cave shuddered at the thought; even at the worst moments in time where the two would be in a sort of... lover's spat, as she'll call it, it was far too painful to even imagine her best friend lost out in the streets like that. It's not like Chika couldn't handle herself out there in the urban jungle; she was more competent, both mentally AND physically, than many people gave her credit for! But just because someone COULD handle something didn't mean they SHOULD have to.

... But, imagine the possible adventures she could get into?! Chika, alone in a city fraught with danger and evildoers... A horrifying thought to some, definitely, but she was a capable lass! A capable HEROINE! She could fight crime, save innocents from danger, and maybe even discover long lost treasures hidden within suburbia! Unimaginable fortunes, lying right beneath her feet! Why, Cave would be in pure bliss!

... S-She meant, CHIKA would be in pure bliss! Y-Yeah, she was talking about... Chika, not herself...

Her 'wanderlustful' mind began running wild again, and it all started from such a simple ugly thought! As such, she barely noticed the Oracle crawl even closer, nearly climbing on top of her. Threatening to straddle her hips with her bare long legs... "So, Cavey? Now it's MY turn to help. Come on! I want to know what's wrong! I want to be the one making YOU happy this time! Calming YOU down! Please, babe? That's all I want."

Gah, she got her there... The stylish soldier pulled her mind from the brink of wild delusions and looked into her girlfriend's eyes. She... could really sense the love radiating off of her, and it'd be impossible not to beam herself. Every single part of her relaxed, her tension from the earlier 'voice-raising' session nowhere to be found, not even by fortune-seeking archaeologists! A... hope spot for the mint-haired madam?

"... Teh, thanks Chiks," Cave chuckled, and with a grunt and a little sigh of effort, she lightly brushed aside her lover and stood up from the couch, stretching her arms like the acrobat she never was. Add another thing to the list of 'never was'... "Ahhhh... Haha, having you on my side... well, isn't bad at all!"

"Daw, you silly goose! That's, like, a big compliment comin' from you, isn't it? Hehe, inside this sexy body is a vixen with a heart of gold!" How flattering...

"Teh, well said! I mean, I don't have anything to discuss now, but when I do, I'm honored to have your loving assistance!"

... Damn, and she even nodded too. A serious face full of... seriousness, as if she truly thought that this answer would fly higher than a kite. Even after such heartfelt scenes... she still was as stubborn as ever.

"..." That was when Chika stood up, head hung low, with her body creepily hunched over.

The redhead blinked a few times, nervous perspiration on her forehead greeting her again. "Eh? Chiks, what's... up?"

The Oracle, nearly as lifeless as a terrible special effect in the film currently being ignored, hobbled over to the side of the couch nearest to the door. A smaller sofa; the less famous one.

"Uh... y-you okay?"

The government official's right eye twitched, worse than any medical condition could be responsible for. Through gnashing teeth, she hissed "I... should be... asking you... that...!"

"Ch-Chiks...?!"

Without warning, Chika let out an ear-piercing scream—clearly inspired by a particular brand of zombie that the internet finds almost as attractive as that earlier-referenced English teacher in a Japanese school—and lifted the small couch right into the air! As if holding the strength of 20 Dolems, the non-important furniture item—possibly a settee, but who's asking?—was thrown right into the kitchen! Holy crap, psychic mutant super villains have telepathically moved bridges with less vigor than that! "All... NIGHT," she heaved and heaved, "I have been asking you the same question, OVER and OVER, and all you give me is... SHIT!"

Oh, snap! Chika with a precision S-strike? Did... Cave just get nuked? It certainly felt like it.

"W-Woah, hey! C-Calm DOWN, Chika! What's your problem?!"

"What's MY problem?! All I do is try to help, and you treat me like a clueless idiot! What, am I not GOOD enough to help you?! We ARE dating... aren't we?!"

G-Gulp! The soldier with no war could not move, her legs deciding to screw her over yet AGAIN! The fuming Oracle glared wanton death upon her, and more sweat dripped down her cornered forehead. "G-Geez, just t-take it easy, Chika! I-I keep telling you, I. Am. FINE!"

"And I. Am. Calling. Complete. MERDA! Complete CAZZATE!" The woman's right boot rose up and slammed into the wooden floor of the living room, the television set shaking on its stand. "You are SO stubborn! It's obvious to anyone with eyes that something's been chomping on your insides! Not only have you been avoiding living in the Basilicom, but even TALKING about it makes you act all shaky in your seat! I bring up one day moving to Boxlean? You shoot me down, only without those scissors of yours! We can't live with Vert, Boxlean is a crappy place to live... I don't even think you KNOW where Boxlean is, Cavey!"

"I-I do t—"

"SHUT UP! There's another problem: you've been trying to cut me off all night! Whenever I talk about our friends, or wacky rumors about Arfoire being a farmer... you change the channel! Oh yeah, and every single group of friends who showed up at our door tonight? Once they leave, you act like some war veteran experiencing dark flashbacks of awful overrated indie games! You're a weird cookie sometimes, Cave, and I'll admit, it started out kinda cute a few hours ago... but now it's just plain odd, even by your standards!" The girl, her voice raised high enough for her eyes to produce upset tears, folded her arms in a picture-perfect pout. "Why don't you trust me enough... to tell me what's wrong? We've always been there for each other... so what's different this time?"

Cave bit her lip... but she refused to relent. What is that word Chika called her, again? Started with a 's' and a 't'... "W-Well... I-I don't know what to tell you!"

"... STILL?! You're not an idiot, so why are you ACTING LIKE ONE?!"

"WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?!"

"SCREAMING?! LOOK IN A MIRROR!"

"WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOUNDS!"

"THEN 'LISTEN' IN A MIRROR!"

No amount of SMD training could prepare the woman for this fight! Doing everything within her power not to pop a blood vessel, the elegant fighter let loose a few stinted gasps. "Chika, I don't know how many... gah, how many times I have to tell you this," she growled, her hands squirming all about her body, as if suppressing wholesome inner rage from ripping her apart! "There is NOTHING wrong with me! The only thing that's bothering me right now, is... is YOU! Just drop it!" All that was missing was smoke rising from the recesses of her inner jaw!

Oh, but the Oracle wasn't done, her aggravation only escalating. She knocked on her own head with her right fist. "NO! I'm not letting your stubborn ass win!" Ah, found the word! "Damn, girl, your middle NAME should be 'Stubborn'! We've been together *intimately* for seven, almost eight freakin' months... and we've been friends since before we even knew the LWF was fake! Can't you at least tell me ANYTHING? Huh? Come on!" To cap her shouts off with one of those nifty exclamation points, she zoomed into Cave's face, their nose tips connected by a few scant skin cells. If this was a romantic scene, this would be so... romantic...

Cave felt the anger dwelling in her throat. Whatever dark truth lurked inside her, the very truth Chika wanted to extract... No, she couldn't bring it out! S-She just couldn't! It... No one would understand; COULD understand! Hell, even SHE didn't understand!

Keeping her head in check as best she could (which translated to not at all), she backed a few steps away from her girlfriend, who still stewed like an angry pot of soup. "... Dammit, do I have to keep saying it?! There's NOTHING TO TELL! DROP... IT!"

As if in response to her shout, the doorbell quickly chimed its lovely tune. So lovely, you don't even get to hear it this time.

"Oh, for the love of..." Little Miss Sty-Lish was having none of this! If she wasn't busy seething, Chika would've stopped her from answering... but perhaps in an attempt to calm herself down, she didn't even open *her* mouth as Cave opened the house's. "WHAT?!"

The two trick-or-treaters on the other side—one girl rumored to be named 'Wyn' and dressed as a giant soccer ball, while the other lass donned a 'Neppi' nametag and was dressed as HDD-enabled Neptune... but with Black Heart's color scheme—nearly leapt fifty miles into the air at Cave's jump-scare of a greeting... and like the horsebird-clad man from earlier in the evening, they ran for their dear lives!

The soccer girl looked over at her companion as they fled the hallowed grounds. "I-I just want to promote friendship and start the ultimate football game with everyone! W-When will they let me become a permanent cast member?!"

"No clue!" FC Chairwoman Neppi shouted, running a few inches ahead of Wyn. "I liked it better when Lady Nep and Noire were the main characters!"

Slamming the door, Cave placed her palm on the wall beside her, before turning back to see Chika, once again, all 'up in her grill'... as the kiddies would say. "Don't think I'm dropping this!"

"Oh, come on, this is ridiculous!"

"No, Cavey, it's not! What's eating you? Taxes? Vert? Did a wound open up or something? You got shot by a couple arrows last year, don't think I forgot! You're so lucky that reality chose not to ensue; those things kill SO easily, especially when you yank 'em out like an idiot!" Thank the lord they're hyper-powered anime girls; otherwise people would complain online! "Is your boss blackmailing you?! Are you pregnant? Are you even CAVE?!" The Oracle was basically one with Cave by how close she was. The prying girl expected *anything* at this point... Hmm, no, anything wouldn't sate her; she just wanted the frackin' ANSWER! That was it! No more games, no more avoiding... She wanted the truth, and dammit, she was going to GET the truth!

The SMD warrior, though, had a different idea. A glare that could melt the polar ice caps struck the greenette as her redheaded friend walked right by, straight to the TV... and she stood there in silence, as if Chika didn't exist.

That's... not the reaction she wanted. "Cavey.. Tell me NOW! I can't help you if you freakin' shut me out! You don't need to be a stuck-up, stoic warrior all the time, dammit!"

"..." Cave... wanted so badly... to spill her metaphorical guts! To reveal the... qualms she clearly had... to the woman she... loved more than... anything!

... B-But... sh-she... C-COULDN'T! H-Her tongue refused to move the way she wanted, her brain gave her the finger, her heart stayed locked up within its skeletal prison. She wasn't the only stubborn one here; her head was the guiltiest party of all!

Damn damn damn... She had... to... resist...! "... Shut... up!" N-No, anything but that! "Shut up! Shut Up!" S-Stop! Her head was ruining everything! "Shut UP! SHUT UP!" Time hadn't just taken her childhood away from her, it had made her STUPID! "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Why couldn't she be... one of the HAPPY *normal* people?! Why couldn't she be like Neptune?! Like Noire?! Like Alex, or Jade?! Nisa and Gust?! Mina, Histoire?! Linda?! Nepgeo?! "Stop asking what my problem is! Stop guessing, stop prying, just... STOP!" Why couldn't she be like every single person she had ever known?! Her friends, her enemies, the people she barely knew... Freaking Arfoire... "There's no problem! NONE!" Why couldn't she be a proper, everything-planned-out grown-up... like *they* all were? Like... Chika was? Like everyone... but she was...? "Right now, YOU'RE the one MAKING a problem, so please, pretty pretty please..." Stupid stupid stupid... So so stupid! So foolish! Just stop, please just stop! D-Don't say it! "... just SHUT UP!"

With that one last shout, Cave's face was the reddest it had ever been, and her throat stung from her voice's unprecedented risen level. Not only did her outburst nearly topple over the television set, but also nearly rocked the kitchen's unlocked window's glass from the frame.

"... D-Damn it..." she whispered. Biting her bottom lip to hold back exasperated tears, the SMD warrior fell silent... and continued her eternal argument with her own mind.

"H...H... W-Wha...?" Chika's mouth hung open, her eyes slowly filling with water. Her lovely face was contorted in pure, unadulterated shock, the sadness palpable. "..."

Cave felt the need to scream again... but not at her poor, innocent lover. No, the Oracle was the last person she ever wanted to snap at... "Ch-Chika... I-I'm s-sor—... I-I didn't...!" Like a kid caught outside a brightly-lit house in the middle of a horrid rainstorm, the turmoiled woman stretched a sorrowful hand out to the girl of her dreams... but all the older professional could do was turn away, shunning her with a cold shoulder.

With a cheek extended farther out than most humans could comprehend, Chika plopped down on the floor besides her childhood friend, sitting like a pretzel right in front of the TV. Her arms were folded like a grumpy guru's, and her eyes refused to budge from the electronic box's display. "Fine, Cave... Fine. I get it... If that's how you want it... fine." Her voice, quite unlike its natural tone, came across as monotone and weak, with barely any emotion or even life seeping through. "You won't hear from me for the rest of the night. We'll just sit here in silence and watch... er..."

As rapid credits scrolled up half the screen, a creepy voice from Channel 42 blurted out: _"Ladies and gentlemen, your next feature: the film called 'Glob'..."_

"Yeah, that!" The film is really called ' _The Glob'_ , but it saves them on royalty fees by dropping the 'The'. Sometimes it's easier to just cut yourself off before you finish the full tho—

Like a bratty cartoon three-year-old not getting her way, the scantily-clad professional (note to everyone: never say 'three-year-old' and 'scantily-clad' in the same sentence ever again) remained silent as the authentic film began to play. With a very audible sigh, Miss No Last Name threw her hands into the air, cursing her unknown elders for passing their genes down on to her hapless sorry hide.

"Chika... I-I didn't mean what I s—" As if the angels above, pixelated or otherwise, seeked to further humiliate the nervous wreck of a soldier, the doorbell rang its prodding presumptuous chime... and a concerned knocking followed, much like the earlier synonym of hell following that doomed space marine. Wonder how he made out? "... Wonderful..."

Obviously when tensions were at their highest, everyone in LASTATION would decide to show up, requesting treats they'd scarf down in under two minutes! No, even better: they probably flew in from some other nation in record speed, whereas the Lowee shuttle that transported the SMD warrior earlier today took its sweet ass time! How irritating... Thanks, fate, for screwing things up yet again!

Frowning at the side of her lover's blank face, Cave tried anything to break the ice and get her talking again. "Should I get it... Chiks?" On the boob tube, a creature not-unlike the earlier film's trash monster sloshed over to an unsuspectin— Oh GOD, that guy just DISSOLVED with the worst special effect ever! Well, worse until any new millennium horror film remake that only uses bad CGI... E-Er, Chika ignored the question, her gaze refusing to leave the 'ambitious' film. Oh boy, how badly did Cave screw up this time? "I'll... take that as a yes."

Her soul sinking to an all-time low, she stomped her way to the door. This better not be Ram and Rom again...

The door cried out in fear as it slammed against the brick outside, Cave's temper an unanticipated guest. With her shoulders still slumped due to disappointment in herself, the SMD warrior secretly hoped at the very least that this would actually be a dumb group of kids this time... and NOT of the mustachioed variety! Just total young strangers who wouldn't distract from the Basilicom's inner proceedings for any decent length of time, further risking the already-hairy situation to grow shaggier with the passing seconds! C'mon, please be kids! Kids kids kids kids ki—

"Oh! Good evening, Cave!"

The sight of blue hair made Cave's heart sink deeper into her own body... for more reasons than just the one above. Criminy, of course it's *HER*! The redhead quickly ushered away her annoyed expression, and invited back her usual shy, somewhat-embarrassed visage. Reluctantly, granted, but it was an invitation her emotions simply couldn't refuse!

Why suddenly look so bashful, a curious reader may ask? Well, standing in front of our troubled heroine, posturing quite spectacularly in the porch's illumination, was none other than the great pop idol of Gamindustri, Lyrica... or, better known as 5pb! Precisely the ONE person the SMD warrior did NOT want to see right now! Even so, the blue-haired star's beautiful smile shot straight through the soldier, melting her heart and filling her with a warm sensation. That never failed to happen.

Have to... p-play it cool! C-Cool and focused! "Uh... Evening, Lyrica! Nice to see... Nice to see you tonight, yeah!" Smooth... ya dweeb.

But this one illustrious lady was not the only guest this session; indeed, no one was to trick-or-treat solo tonight... unless their name happened to be Falcom! Or that horsebird hunter guy... Posing next to Fivey, and looking quite irked as she watched a moth flutter about her own long-haired head, was IF, yet another of Cave's dear friends! Humorously enough, they were such dear friends that Cave nearly murdered her over a year ago! Ah, goooooood times... Er, wait, no, what's the opposite of good again?! Oh well, at least they made up immediately after the messy ordeal. There's... a story to be told there. A fanfic? A book? Nah, more like a full-fledged VIDEO GAME! Well, old-school text game... If only there was a link to some PROFILE somewhere which led to this wondrous creation!

"Evening to you as well, Miss IF," the stern soldier greeted, giving an honorable half-nod. "How is your night faring thus far?" Took that from the stock messages aisle at the dollar store. What do you call a dollar store in Gamindustri, anyways? How much credits is that? One hundred of them? ' _I'd buy THAT for a... hundred credits_ ' doesn't exactly have a certain desirable ring to it, does it?

The brunette gave her an aside look while smiling, though she quickly went back on the hunt for the pesky moth. "Yeah, tonight's been a blast, Cave! You? And c'mon, is the 'Miss' thing a runnin' gag with ya or something? We've been long past that point ever since we shared a room!"

"H-Haha, s-sorry, sense of habit..." Blushing, the redhead's itch-minded fingers hovered up to the back of her scalp... N-No, resist! R-Resist! "Eh, I've—" she chirped, her voice nearly cracking; something that Lyrica caught like an attentive big-eared hawk. However, the idol kept silent as her quiet friend took a gulp to clear her throat, before continuing. "I've... been hanging in there, watching foolish plights against cinema. Eh, you know, same old."

As she spoke to the international couple, Cave couldn't stop staring at the blunette's cosplay outfit, with her eyes drifting up and down and over and around and high in the sky and out on the town...? Um, 5pb (she's officially dropped the '.' now; easier to market without it confusing people) wearing cute outfits always reduced this cool-headed general to microwaved mush! Hmm... actually, IF seemed to be wearing the same fancy dress too! Identical long conservative private-school uniforms, covering everything but their bare hands and faces. They both looked very old fashioned, harking back to classier days gone by.

On any other normal occasion, the stylish soldier would be clueless as to the costumes' origins, especially ones so NOT skimpy... but she remembered that Chika showed her several animes, doujins, OVAs, random references in fanfics from four years ago, and thinly-veiled parody films which featured these two lovable dames... so there was no doubt in her mind! Oh yeah, and not to mention that the Oracle's nerdish father seemingly worshiped the blue-haired girl who Lyrica was dressing up as... but that's a matter for a whole 'nother day.

For the info you can add to some mythical wiki one day: the idol, keeping her standard hair color but with an added two ribbons connecting a braided bun, represented the Hakozaki-proclaimed "Greatest Female Ever", Tamao Suzumi. Likewise, IF's ponytail and botched attempt at red hair dye was a telling signature of one Nagisa Aoi!

They... Heh, even a dying serial killer would find them too adorable to not comment on! Look at IF's hair! That's just hilarious! Also strange how Nagisa is technically the more bashful of the two characters, yet Iffy's taking that mantle whilst Lyrica is the womanizer. Kinda kinky.

"Um, Cave... Is something wrong? You're spacing out more than Nep-Nep!"

"Yeah, has Chika finally turned ya into Nep? I could buy that! Man, have those two ever hung out at all? That'd be a nightmare!"

Cave snapped out of her trance and immediately shifted into 'Apologize' mode. "S-Sorry, Lyree. Got lost in my brain, I guess..." That would be a suitable, if weird, way to explain herself... but here's the problem: Lyrica didn't speak there, and IF said the second line. The instant the warrior realized her mistake, her eyes widened... and she cranked the dial over to 'Analyze' mode.

This led to her scanning the ground first; perhaps for the added drama? Okay, begin from the base of the two lovers' feet, and now venture to the valley between them and further back along the path... Ah, gigantic, metallic, pointed boots! Getting somewhere... Okay, enough stretching this out, she decided; time to pan up! Long legs encased in demonic-like armor, reaching a waist buckled by a belt infused with sheer Hell-energy! The chest had a design reminiscent of a growling beast, its eyes burning like the flames of the famed underworld; the iconic inferno! A cape hanging low, stopping just short of the boots' heels, and split into two halfway down as if they were wings. Neither bat nor dragon, but some horrifying combination of the two!

And attached to this frightening body, standing so frightening near the ones she loved, was none other than... O-Oh God!

"AH!" Cave nearly shouted herself right off her feet and onto her butt. Could've said 'ass' there, but do we need all the constant swearing?

"Howdy, Cave! Happy Halloween .7!" Compa replied with an eager smile, waving her demonic hand.

Gamindustri's star pop idol and the battle-hardened veteran burst out laughing at their friend's reaction. "Cave, you just made the cutest face! Please do that again!" The blunette barely kept her composure as she nearly toppled over. IF managed to catch her, but her own laughter nearly brought both of them down.

"Heh, I reacted the exact same way, Cave! What was I supposed to think when she burst into my room wearin' that?!" Come on, IF, at least try to stand!

The medic behind them puffed her cheek. "Oh, stop teasing me! It's a spooky holiday, so I made myself spooky! Jeez Louise!"

"Uh... huh," was the only thing Cave could get out. She couldn't even grow flustered over the good-natured teasing; confusion was the only loud-mouthed band strumming and hollering in her head. Sure, Compa dressing as Nobunaga Oda was weird enough, but somehow this costume made her look about a full two heads taller, when normally she was pretty much only slightly tallerish than IF. Hell, taking things further, her face appeared digitally added to the otherworldly body! It was... uncanny, to say the least. A tall and lanky faceless child abductor would think twice before crossing this festive nurse-in-training!

... Damn it all... The SMD warrior was happy to see these three, no doubt about that! However, she was busy fighting a crucial battle inside, and thus her mind was completely elsewhere. How could she get out of this without incident? Hmm, she could quickly grab whatever candy she had in the bowl and stuff it into their bags...? Yeah, give 'em candy, quickly bid them farewell, and shut the door without looking back! Ahuhm, that's a definite possi—

"So Cave, how have you been? It feels like forever since we've had a chance to spend some time together!" Lyrica chirped, her smile progressively melting the polar ice caps with its luminous energy. Either that, or they're not melting at all; what side of the topical fence are you on?

The gust of beautiful wind that blows through Gamindustri nodded, her arms crossed like a fist-fighting friendship-obsessed unifier of an island nation who was truthfully nothing but tyrannical in nature, yet the internet refuses to let people hate. The man, not the nation; the nation's pretty cool. "Yeah, you've been a stranger for, what, nearly half a year? Guess we've all had big things to do, though!"

A sigh escaped Cave's lips; she was not looking forward to this conversation. It was all true, though. Ever since 'the proposal', a few scattered phone calls were the only things connecting the SMD warrior with her friendly rival and the beautiful blunette. Everyone just sort of journeyed off to do their own thing: IF and Lyrica presumably went about planning their future wedding, and Cave devoted herself to her relationship with Chika and... work...

"Yeah, I've been... rather busy, is all. S-Sorry about that."

Uh oh, Miss Stoic suddenly realized! She accidentally stuttered that last part... and with her life's track record, someone was bound to jump on it. In this case, 'twas Iffy who took the ball. "Yep, that's about what I expected. Like, what kinda stuff? Something huge? I stopped by the Basilicom a few times to check up on things, but I must've missed ya each time! Top-secret SMD stuff?"

Crap... Dammit, IF, why do you have to be so nosy? How is she so friendly to someone who once tried to gut her with a pair of energy-infused scissors?! "Uh, yep, many... big things..." Nope, no 'Smooth Criminal' reference here! That was already used in the Linda and Nisa scene! "... F-For example, tonight I'm here babysitt— er, helping Chika endure her... punishment. Every day is a... new adventure! H-Haha..."

Lyrica giggled to herself, choosing not to question the blatant hesitation. "I heard about that! Is Chika okay? I worry about her sometimes."

"Teh, don't we all?" A light chuckle; it's a commonly-known fact that blue-haired girls' joy is contagious! "She's... She's fine right now... A little crazy, but that's nothing unusual for her." Did... that come across as too curt? Screw you, fatuous social skills! When in doubt, steer the Conversation Mobile back to someone else! "... So, what about you three, hmm? Thinking about touring again, Fivey?"

Compa in back made a go for the moth still circling her childhood friend's brown-haired head, and the guitar-playing idol took a bow fit for center stage; how elegant~! "T-Touring?! Oh, um... Actually, I have been thinking about it... Things are calming down all around, after all..."

This apparently came as a shock to her fiancee. "Wha—? Seriously, Lyree? First I heard of it!"

"Well... y-yeah! Since we've settled down, I... have been feeling that urge again! There's so much to sing about! A... comeback tour would be amazing!"

There's that "settle" word again... The brunette nodded, but her face filled with sadness. "Oh... I see..."

"Hm?" Lyrica tilted her head, brows arced with slight concern. "What's wrong, Iffy?"

"N-Nothing! It's just... if you go on tour, you won't be... around as much, y'know?"

The blunette immediately shook her head before hugging her cosplaying future wife. People would pay top dollar to see Tamao hugging Nagisa-chan like this, so you'd better feel privileged! "Aw, don't worry about that, Iffy! Besides, if you want, I have no problem with you coming along! Heh, I'd love that, actually! I know how much you want to ride in that big bus!"

A blush from the battle-hardened veteran's face was quickly eradicated by extreme happiness. "R-Really? The one with the blue flames and giant dragons on the sides? Dragons that look like RED's?!"

"The very one!"

Both the green-eyed warrior and the 'moe' medic felt completely weirded out at seeing the normally-cool IF hopping like a little girl over such a silly offer. For an unladylike dork, the Planeptune hero sure was adorable... b-but Cave would never admit that out loud!

But hey, even the stylish soldier could agree that her enthusiasm was almost as infectious as the blunette's addictive sounds! Whatever rage she had at herself from the argument with Chika appeared to evaporate into nothingness. If only stink bugs would follow that example. "Haha, I'm glad to hear that, you two! Touring together, holding concerts all over the world... Nobody can top that."

IF was still springing up and down like a child, and her idol girlfriend smiled... though there did appear to be some uncertainty present. "Yeah, it sounds so alluring, and with Iffy there's no way it wouldn't be fun! Part of me can't wait to get back into that lifestyle... and yet..." Her eyes suddenly fell to the pavement, the moonlight splattering the walkway like white paint. Hmmm... Sensing a disturbance in the woman she once loved so dearly, Cave quickly placed a hand on her shoulder. Lyrica smiled, regaining her composure. "I don't know, another part of me... also likes the idea of just finding a place to live... and giving up concerts altogether. Marrying IF, always having her by my side... I wouldn't mind giving it all up for her."

The brunette finally snapped out of her childish glee. "H-Hey, don't give up on your dreams, Lyree! You don't need to settle down that much because of me!" That... wasn't quite the point here, but she seemed pretty determined about it.

"Iffy, YOU are my dream! I don't know if I even NEED to go back on the road! I enjoy, you know, living 'simpler' now. It's fun and far less hectic!" Her voice was so angelic and sincere; it's easy to see why Cave fell hard for her years back!

"... Heh, if you say so, babe!" the brunette responded as she stuck two thumbs up and motioned like a '70s icon from the '50s. She was spinning for 'cool', but the fortune wheel landed on 'dweeb' instead. Always. "Just do what feels right, Lyree; that's all I want! Buuuuut... can't blame ya for wanting to stay home! The one you picked out is pretty sweet, if you ask me."

This... sadly alarmed dearest Cave. "Y-You guys actually have a... house?" How MUCH did she miss?

"Shoo, Mister Moth!" Compa pouted at the insect, before smiling at her former party member again. "They didn't buy it yet, but it's so beautiful! Much better than living in a cave; right, Iffy?"

"H-Hey, I wasn't being serious with that!"

"I don't know, it's hard to tell with you..."

"E-Eh? Wh-What's that supposed to mean, Comps?!"

Seeing as how those two were beginning to argue, Lyrica bowed to Cave once more. "Y-Yeah, we've been looking around, along with all the... wedding preparations, and we found a great place! It's in Boxlean, actually." Alright, answer this if you can: WHERE the heck IS Boxlean?! "I was afraid it was going to be excessive or too big, but it was so... plain, so normal, and I loved it immediately! It's a nice ranch house with an expansive yard and a nice view of the scenery! It'd be a great place for kids to grow up in!" At once her face turned redder than the usual tomato flavor of the green-eyed woman's. "N-N-N-N-Not that we're p-planning for ch-children... y-yet! H-Hah-hah-hah..."

God, she's so cute when she acts so bashful... No no, wipe that thought, Cave! Those thoughts may have had their place back in the day... but you're both taken at this stage. Everything had changed.

The SMD warrior tried to smile at her famous friend's happiness, though it came out weaker than she intended. IF and Lyrica—one a nomadic-by-nature hero and the other a world-touring pop idol—were... readily accepting new, simpler lives. Considering leaving behind their action-packed, exciting lifestyles... and instead picking up a home, potential children, and presumably normal 9-to-5 jobs.

... Get a grip... What's the problem? What is the damn problem?

... Worst of all, Cave still had no idea who she was asking that to.

Her internal conflict attacked the forced smile she expended so much effort to uphold... and the wise-beyond-her-years 5pb confirmed to herself that something was indeed off. "Cave? What's wrong?"

Darned facial muscles... Why do people even have them?! "H-Hmm? N-Nothing, Lyrica! J-Just happy for you is all!" Crap, triple stutter! Cave had without a doubt dug herself through the core of the next planet over by now!

The idol gave her quite the look. "I'm not dumb, Cave. Come on, what's wrong?" She folded her arms before looking to IF for assistance... but the battle-hardened veteran was busy being lost in her own world with the medic. Huh, something something a birthmark, yadda yadda a hedgehog bite, frigusch sugusch erosion, Compa laughing like the true Demon King making his way to an unsuspecting Yoshimoto Imagawa in the pouring rain. Creepy. Seems they wouldn't be offering any wisdom... but that also means there'd be no interruptions! "I know you weren't really busy; not the way Iffy thinks!"

"G-Gah? What... What do you mean?"

A shake of the head. "Cave, I talk to Chika all the time! Phones, Yype™, whatever! You're all she talks about... and she's concerned about you!"

... Cripe! Cripes? Cripes! "W-Well, she shouldn't be! I'm not lying, I swear!"

Her incredulous face zoomed in; the fifth-deadliest glare Tamao Suzumi ever gave. "Cave..."

"I-I know it sounds... suspect, but I'm telling the truth! I would never lie to you!" That was a lie. "... Well, alright, Chika and I are... sort of... squabbling," she added with a defeated sigh.

"You guys are fighting?!" This was something Miss 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps' never wanted to hear!

Yet another sigh. "Yeah... Dammit, she just keeps... p-pressing me and, a-and... stuff! Pressing me for an answer I d-don't have! Y-You know her!"

The blunette nodded, but a smile still didn't arrive. Y-Yipe, she was NOT a girl you wanted to tick off! "I do, but she never does anything without reason! You aren't hiding anything from her, right? You're as stubborn as she... well, as she is Chika!"

Another use of 'stubborn'?! This must be some sort of conspiracy, it just HAD to be! Gah... but how could she keep lying to THAT face? It'd be easier to enjoy playing an overrated Lowee video game (pick any) than to lie to the insightful blue-haired poet! "E-Eh... I'll admit, I... haven't exactly been the... m-most open with her..."

"Well, why not?"

Wow, that was such a powerfully-simple question that she actually felt like a punch to the gut would be an improvement. "Um... well... it's... it's hard to explain..." A tiny giggle finally escaped the idol's lips at Cave's stammers. "H-Hey, what's so funny?"

"YOU are! I've forgotten how bashful you can get! It's one of the cutest things ever!"

... Yeah, that sounded vaguely familiar... The stylish soldier's blush could melt lava, and she chuckled the embarrassing comment away. "H-Hey, I-I'm not the cute one here!" Heh, no matter how much things changed, she... really needed to work on her lines. Words in general, really.

"Hah-hah, Chika IS right! You ARE more of a dweeb than IF! Okay, maybe I won't go that far..." Shyeah, but what did the idol care about her stern friend's shy lack of social grace? She just loved hearing Cave speak; there was little in the world that comforted her more.

... Still, though, she had to switch back to the 'serious musician' paradigm. There'd be a time for joking around with her former sworn guardian later!

"B-But in all seriousness, Cave... I worry about you too, you know? I always do. We've been through... *everything* together, so I can tell when you're hiding things almost as well as Chika can! I don't know what's going on... but trust me: whether I ever find out or not, Chika needs to know. No matter what."

The redhead inched her sight back into the holy house's living quarters, where Chika quickly looked away, no doubt poorly feigning 'uninterest'. "I know... I-I know..." And honestly, that was all she needed to say... to convince herself she needed to set things straight! This whole night had been chaotic between the two childhood friends-turned-lovers... when in reality it should've been a complete fun time for the entire duration! She and Chika, allowed to have fun for an entire evening. A solitary evening free from the pressures of the world and from the future and... from time itself.

Time. Free from time.

"... What if she... takes it the wrong way?" Cave mused aloud, moreso to herself than the curious pop star in front of her.

Now it was time for 'Tamao Suzumi' to place her hand upon the wrong crimsonette's shoulder. "I know Chika pretty well, Cave... but YOU should know her best of all! Trust her, please. Whatever's eating you, she'll want to help. No, she'll DEMAND to help! To her last breath."

"... Y-Yeah, you're... Gosh, how do you two always have the answers?"

"Heh-heh, you just overthink things a bit too much, Cave! We'll all be here to keep you grounded, so don't worry about that!"

"L-Lyrica..."

As the two Leanbox companions beamed non-violent animated energy lasers at each other, the other duo continued their... er, their thing to continue.

"Dammit, Comps, for the last time: I do NOT drink snickerdoodles in bed! I didn't even know you COULD drink those!"

"Don't lie to me, Iffy! I know places to stick a needle that you don't even know you have!"

"G-Geez, that's disturbing!"

The failed golfer and the yuri-tastic schoolgirl turned to face the arguing(?) friends... and woah boy, did 'things' happen. Somehow IF ended up wearing Compa's cape, while the nurse-in-training wore her hair in a ponytail, having stolen the ribbon off of the brunette's head. The hell?

"Er... you guys... okay?" Cave had no choice but to ask. Even Lyrica appeared concerned, looking as if she was ready to do battle. In the unlikely chance that Compa was actually harnessing the power of the Oda clan, we shouldn't like the guitar-wielder's chances.

After a short pause, the two girls turned to face the others... and both smiled from ear to ear, cheek to cheek! I hope we mean their face!

It was like there was no fight to begin with... Should we be concerned? You decide!... but the answer is yes.

"O-Oh, yeah, 'course we are!" The brunette sheepishly grinned, rubbing the back of her head. That dang habit; this brown-haired girl is where Cave contracted that nervous tick!

The medic, holding up her own end of the front, bowed honorably four times and winked three times each with BOTH eyes. Yep, those were the crucial details to take from this; remember all that for the test at the end! "We were just talking, is all! Um, we should probably get going soon!"

"Y-Yeah, really soon! Like, soon-soon!"

The idol-and-soldier combo both gave puzzled looks. "Oh? But why? What's the rush?" Lyrica questioned her girlfriend, to which the brunette already started to skip off the porch, Compa following behind.

"Uh, no reason! Just, uh, need more houses to stop at! See ya around, Cave! Don't be a stranger, ya hear! And don't get in trouble with the 'Missus'! 'Happy wife, happy life', and all that!"

"Yeah, and remember to eat your veggies! Ooh, and don't eat too much candy! I don't specialize in cavities, but I have a few syringes dedicated to the gums... and you DON'T want to have those in you! Just ask Iffy!"

"Th-There ya go again! Ignore her, Cave! I-Ignore her!"

Both could only stare as 'Nagisa Oda' and 'Nobunaga Aoi' galloped down the street, leaving the third wheel Tamao behind. Naturally.

... What on Gamindustri... was THAT?! Perhaps... Perhaps the world will never know... and probably for the best. IF began this fic series with a confusing plot that made no sense, so it's only appropriate for her role to end much the same!

Huh, and if only Cave had time to ask what Compa was doing with her life... Eh, maybe in the Director's Cut of this fic, or the inevitable handheld/PC reboot.

Knowing her group was abandoning her, Lyrica bowed once more. A bit more genuine than the nurse-in-training's earlier four. Oh, and how many sips would you have to take just for the word 'bowed'? "Sorry we have to leave like this; those two have been competing in crazy bets for weeks now, sheesh... Um, it was good seeing you again!"

"Y-Yeah, you too!" Dammit, stop stuttering! Nothing's even happening anymore!

Lyrica took a few steps closer... and pulled her friend in for a hug most tight! "Don't worry, Cave," she whispered into her ear, "just talk it out! No matter what, just believe in her. She'll understand everything... I don't think you realize how much she loves you. I don't even think SHE realizes!"

"T-Thanks... Thanks, Lyree."

The idol broke the hug and winked at her friend. She contemplated whether or not she should greet the Oracle with a call... but seeing as how the conflict was ongoing, she decided she'd just video chat her later. Thus, she started skipping off after her lover and their healing-proficient pal. "Have a good night, Cave!"

Ah, Lyree, always knowing the answers to everything! Just like Chika... The SMD warrior certainly had a type.

"Y-You too! Have a GREAT night!"

...

But Cave couldn't help but fear one question: could her own night even BE 'good' or 'great' at this rate?

... Could anything?

* * *

 _ **"And I will give you all my life; I'm here if you should call... to me..."**_


	12. Turn and Face the Strange

With that, the door shut... and for once, Cave surprisingly didn't feel so... conflicted. At least, not as much as before. Nothing perfect, but things didn't seem so... grim now. Her head down low, but her face on the more positive side of bemusement, the soldier walked back to the center of the living room... where Chika was already standing with her arms crossed, the picture-perfect image of a disapproving boss! Disapproving dads, disapproving bosses... this tale's got it all! Everything but brevity!

The long-haired lass prepared to chastise her lover again, obviously deciding that keeping quiet was not on her to-do list tonight. She fully intended to pounce like a random encounter on the world map... but when she saw the calm and reflective mood the redhead was conveying, her plans were shot down by mortar shrapnel. Or cut down by a Buster sword. Darn it darn it darn it... She was still mad, and dang well had another long-winded 'what the hell?!' spiel all lined up... but love makes fickle beings of us all. Perhaps... she had been a bit too confrontational. Even after all these years, Cave was still a shy wallflower at heart. Any dramatic social pressure transformed the typically-cool-headed general into a shrinking violet!

... Time to go back to what Chika did best: er, something cool she hadn't quite figured out yet! But for now, she'd yet again try extending a friendly olive branch!

As the SMD warrior stood in silence, her literary orbs watching a dust particle on the floor roll every so often, the Oracle made her move! "Cave... just tell me straight up: is... this about Lyrica? I won't be mad, so tell the truth. Do you still have... feelings for her?"

Gentle words reached the redette's unsuspecting ears... and her eyes widened at the innocent question. "L-Lyrica...?!" She closed her eyes, shaking her head without even realizing it. "... No, Chika... Lyrica's not the problem..."

"Huh... Alrighty..." the girl plainly replied, believing something her girlfriend said for once... but inside, her mind wished for her to boldly shout "AHA!", or something of the sort. Cave's simple answer... gave Chika the first hint of that holy answer she was waiting for! Lyrica was not the issue... but she had accidentally spilled that there WAS an issue! Haha, yes!... Oh, but wait... If it's not about Lyrica, then who or what was it about? "Is it about... gosh, I don't know, one of our friends? Anyone? We hang out with some attractive people, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary..."

"..."

"... Am... *I* the problem, Cavey?" At that, Chika's near-sullen eyes trailed downwards, the thought honestly too painful to even consider. "Do you regret us... y'know, 'getting together'? It's not feeling... *weird*, is it?"

While Cave was already surprised by the initial question, this one took the cake, flushing her face as if a bad strain of the Black Death just knocked on her attic door! "C-Chika, no! I-It's not that at all, don't..." She bit her lip. Gee, it's a wonder how she hasn't drawn blood by this point. "... even think like that. I love you... I always will. You could never be a problem... A thorn in my side sometimes, sure, but never a problem."

"... Well, I-I c-can't help but worry about that when you... don't confide in me, y'know?" The scantily-clad professional looked back up... and the two caught themselves in a dramatic eye-lock. Both blushed like innocent college-aged students about to partake in a 'steamy' Yype™ webcam session... and the older girl motioned for the iconic couch. "Yo, let's... get comfy again... I like it better when we're sitting together." Pat pat pat... The cushions looked especially inviting now! Huh... which reminded them: they needed to reposition that other, less-important couch soon.

"As do I..." Accepting the offer, Cave brushed the seat with her hand before her pronounced bottom followed suit. Now, the question must be asked: was the usage of 'pronounced' really necessary? "Chiks, I... can't even begin to say how sorry I... am for how I've been... acting. I-I... don't know what to say, really. It's... complicated."

"Complicated-shmomplicated! We're not using some outdated social network here, babe! Try me! I've helped Vert lead Leanbox for how many years now? I'm preeeeeety good with hard stuff!"

"... Geez, watch your words. The internet will jump on anything." The stylish soldier shook her head. "I'm just... I-I don't know where to... start..."

As Cave trailed off, navigating her own emotional woes, the ever-observational Chika gripped her chin. "Hmmm..." Perhaps a bit more poking and prodding would help? "Is it... ah! Lady Vert?"

"No."

"Leanbox allergies?"

"... Nah."

"Did you have a bad run-in with ninjas? The non-hot kind?"

"... So not kunoichis, you mean? Nope regardless."

"Darn, thought I had that one... Ooh, I know! You're bummed about the army passing that NuttyBar law! Man, I couldn't sleep when I found out!"

"Er, I have no idea what that is...? Sorry to hear that, though."

"Mother-frackin'... Well, work with me, girl! Gotta be somethin'!"

The SMD warrior shook her head. "I just... M-Maybe I need a little more time to think, Chika! I-I... I'm just confused... No, stressed?"

The Oracle wrapped a warm arm around her 'babe', the action filling the gap the recent 'arm-wrapping' lapse created. "Stressed? Stressed... Stressed! Your work! It's somethin' to do with your work!"

"..." Cave turned her head away like a tsundere being invited to a book club. "... No..."

A slight delay? Work seems like the likeliest option, or at least a clear part of some bigger problem... though the specific details were still buried somewhere. "Is your boss hitting on you? A-Are you being forced to do naughty things to stay employed?! Oh man, Mom showed me this doujin just like that the other day! A cute 20-something, like YOU, worked in an office—she wore the cutest glasses, by the way! Oh, and have you ever seen Verty wear glasses? It's the best thing ever!—in order to support her parents who had just been in a bad car accident! Only, her boss was, like, this fat creep who—"

The redhead mercifully raised a hand, cutting the government official off. "Dear lord, I'm stopping you there... That's not it at all." A snarky smile. "And no boss would ever dare try to 'take advantage' of me... They couldn't handle it."

"Yeah, and they usually go for the glasses-wearers anyways. Mina better watch out."

"That doujin's not going to happen!"

But by now, Chika was already moving off that specific branch, a contemplative cheek bobbing with every nod of her head. "Well gosh... Hmm, if you don't know how to say it, then... ah yeah, perfect!"

Cave raised an eyebrow; that facial muscle will no doubt be sore come tomorrow! "Eh? I doubt you can figure it out, Chiks; it even has me stumped, I mean... Let's just forget about it for n—"

"We just gotta remember when you first started acting like this! Yeah, that's a super plan! When did Cavey first start acting nuttier than an NuttyBar? I mean, REALLY nutty; not 'normal Cavey' nutty!"

"... When it started, huh?" the red-haired house-sitter mused, her recollections flowing back like the ocean's ebbing tides. Don't know if that's a good thing, but whatever. "I-I... H-Haha, i-it's impossible to say, really! C-Could just be... y-years of pressure from work and fighting just... piled up, yeah!" Can you guess? Yep... This was yet another lie spilling out from the soldier's word-spouting chops! Sure, her troubles were completely cumulative, YEARS in the making... but with a small shred of hindsight, she could pinpoint the exact moment things took a downward tailspin. The final small action which caused her mind to snap. The tiny straw that broke the camel's back...

... But should she tell Chika? HOW could she? What would be the best way to say it? It was... dumb, stupid, pathetic even! If Cave revealed the truth... she'd look like the weakest brat in Gamindustri!

"..."

Meanwhile, Chika tossed several ideas around like her girlfriend's salad. "Welp, we've been dating since the end of December, and it's been like seven months now..." Eh, more or less (more). "You were normal then... well, in the daytime at least, WOO!... H-Hehe, um... Crapple, when did you first start avoiding Leanbox? May? June? Wasn't as early as January..."

"..." March... It was March. Cave could still remember the cool afternoon air, the clouds overhead threatening a small flurry but not much more. The sun peaked through occasionally, but it was too weak to stay for more than a few minutes at a time.

The mailman arrived at the Leanbox Basilicom... and Chika and Cave received a surprise letter. An innocent letter... that sent the SMD warrior over the edge...

* * *

 _ **CHANGES...**_

"Cavey, woah, look at this!" Chika shouted from the far-off mailbox at the end of the castle's long courtyard. The redhead was already running down the path, having gotten a text message from her jubilant lover that all but demanded she run out here. Why the Oracle couldn't just bring the mail inside and show her there was never made clear.

Nearly out-of-breath due to lack of recent exercise, Cave arrived at her destination and panted a bit, resisting the urge to keel over and hold her knees. "What... is it... Chika?"

The mint-haired girl's eyes gleamed like Christmas lights. Wrong fic, that was the last one. "It's Seika! Seika's comin' home by the fall! Geez, she's been gone like three whole freakin' years! Look, read it!"

"S-Seika's... coming home?!" That news was certainly not expected... nor was Chika's enthusiasm over the matter. Since when did she get excited over the prospect of her not-much-older aunt living in her house again? Why, it's almost like she's excited to brag to her, or something... "Wow, it's... really been that long, huh? Time... goes by so fast..."

Seems just like yesterday when Seika was last in Leanbox; as was rumored way back when, her guild did indeed get the proper paperwork filed (a few years later than expected, but still) for some exclusive quests on foreign, mysterious shores... and with a heavy heart, the adventuress had no choice but to hop aboard a ship and depart for lands unknown in search of grand adventures that defied imagination! It was to be a three-to-four year journey... Cave couldn't lie, she missed the black-haired woman, for as little she associated with her in comparison to, well, EVERYONE else she knew. They had a, er, *strange* relationship even she couldn't quite figure out, sure, with the 'dance' and the '(virtuously) sleeping together in a single round bed' and other things we'll probably never see... but at the end of the day, she was part of the family.

The stoic warrior never... had a real family she could call her own, but the Hakozakis—each and every member of their household—gladly accepted her with open arms, no questions asked! It would be... great for them all to be reunited one day soon, especially after all the tumultuous events that had come to pass! Maybe they could even add Vert, Lyrica, and IF to the mix; one great, big, expanded family!

Chika gleefully ushered the letter into her girlfriend's hands, ignoring the cold chill carried by a gust of wind. "Read it, read it! My... a-aunt is comin' back to us, babe! Can't freakin' believe it! Imagine how much treasure she's probably gonna give me?!" Ah, there's the real reason she's so excited...

"Let me see, let me see..." Eyes perusing the tea-soaked piece of parchment, Cave read Seika's note... and felt a queer sensation bubble up her esophagus.

 _Dear 'You Two Idiots',_

 _Long time no see, Chiks; Cave! Er, really hope you both are reading this, 'cuz it'd be pretty awkward if you two weren't friends anymore. You both are, right? You're not giving Cave a hard time, are ya S— m-my annoying brat of a niece (much love!)? Better not be... O-Oh, and I... h-hope you're doing well, C-Cave! S-Still beautiful as always, I be— W-Woah, my pen's taking a life of its own! S-Stupid new internet-age automatic pens and their autocorrect, am I right?! Sh-Sheheh..._

Yep, she literally wrote everything just like that. A bit of a dunce, that cookie.

... Okay, maybe Cave was 'peppering' her memory a bit, literally supplanting how she reckoned the girl actually would've said these things rather than how the sentences were actually written. That's the mind for ya! Oh, but it's nowhere near done yet... Let's get back to that.

 _Anywho, you may be wondering why exactly I'm messaging you both from outta the blue! Wells... I've been trekking through weird jungles and sailing the ocean blue for so long now... and y'know, at first, I loved it. But... a little too much of somethin' ya love can... drive you mad, know what I'm sayin'? Like 'dose' times you two ate yourselves sick on Halloween candy! Soon enough, everyday just... feels the same old, same old._

 _The last straw though happened... er, well, like a day ago from the time I'm writing this; who knows how long it'll take to reach you guys! Went through a low-level cave dungeon... and had an awful run-in with some slime monster. It was REALLY rough... and after I barely got out in one maidenly piece, I immediately thought of you guys, and my room, and... home. I miss Leanbox, I miss seeing you two every day, all that stuff... I took this quest for the adventure, for the thrill that makes me feel, like, so frickin' alive! But, uh, gosh it sounds so sappy, but... I never realized how much I missed you two, or Mo— 'Sissy-Fissy' and 'Brother-Nutter', or Mr. Fern, or even Cardy! Someone's been feeding him, right? Cardbirds need two proper meals a day, and a full bowl of water at all times! Oh, and he better have fluffed pillows every night! I'll kill ya Chiks if I find out he's been neglected!_

 _... Huh... Never thought I'd say this, but uh... you know, right now, I could give up adventuring and I'd have no regrets. Which, um... is exactly what I'm planning to do! I'm gonna hang up my boots with dignity while I'm on top! I've had exciting times, but maybe I'm ready to... settle down, and live like one of 'em normal folks you see on TV! Or, er, our next-door neighbors! I've had a lifetime of adventures... and hey, I'm still young as all hell! Comin' home, catchin' up with you two, takin' it easy, enjoying the peace and quiet... That doesn't sound so bad! Have to find a job, but... eh, you could hook me up with a little something, can't ya? Still one of them 'government folks', right?_

 _Sheheh, this will be fun! Maybe I have what it takes to be a pretty good normal chick, you think? A normal life, with my family and the hottest girl I've ever met... I-I mean, you never wear sunblock, Cave! I-It must be pretty hot for your smooth, absorbent skin... Y-Y-Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah..._

 _... O-Oops, didn't actually tell ya the full skinny, whoops! Running outta parchment—I hate this professional paper, blech!—so hear[sic] goes: I still have a contractual commitment to fulfill, so I'll still be tied up here for a long while, not to mention the godawful travelling time I have ahead of me just to get back... but I project you'll be seeing me for good by October of THIS YEAR! Yep, I'll be home in time for Halloween! Wanna... help me pick out a costume again, Cave...y?_

 _A-Anyways, I gots to go! See ya, *love* ya, and... just a little longer now! Next time you see me, I'll be a whole new person! A happily-NORMAL person! Til then, ta-ta!_

 _P.S. Oh yeah, and I sent D— Bro-ski and Sis-in-Law a letter as well, so they know I'm comin' back! Hope my room's still free! They didn't have any more children while I was gone, did they?_

Thaaaaaaaaat's... yep, everything. Cave handed the letter back to the shining Oracle, not sure what to think. "S-Seika's..."

"Totally coming home! Well, like over seven months from now, but still! Hehe, gotta call Mom and tell her to take my Vert pictures outta Sei's closet!"

"... She's really... giving up on adventuring?"

Chika was too busy skipping around her girlfriend, flailing her arms about in a joyful manner that wouldn't be misplaced in a '20s cartoon, to notice the soldier's shaky voice. "About darn time! Vert's met her already, but I can finally tell her the whole truth about who Sei really is to me! Heckles, I can tell everybody! Y'know what, screw it, I'll even take her to see Avenir! Yep, just to tell her about the times Leanbox KICKED their rumps!" When Cave didn't respond right away, the scantily-clad niece (once again, try to never say something like this in day-to-day life) slowed down her gallops and gripped the stoic girl's arm. "Doesn't that sound so fun, babe?! We can finally tell her... well, about US! Man, she won't believe that I finally scored myself not only a hottie, but *THE* hottie! Ooh, and I'm not sure when the official date is, but she'll even be here for when Lyree and IF get married! No, more like EVERY wedding that's gonna happen between now and whenever! Hehe... get what I'm... *implying*...?"

IF and Lyrica are engaged... Yeah, that's right. Neptune and Noire officially tied the knot last August, and so many others were paired off already... Many more weddings would likely be scheduled in the next three or four years. That's the sign of peace, she supposed: all her former warrior friends... were moving on. Changing with time. "... Y-Yeah, that sounds... great, Chika. I-I... I'm still in sh-shock she's... coming home! H-Haha..." In time, everyone would have to change. Seika, the free-spirit... would return and become *normal*. SHE'D... become... *normal*? How?

... Oh no... I-IF and Lyrica are basically *normal* NOW! Warriors: *NORMAL*! CPUs: *NORMAL*! Villains: *NORMAL*! Complete STRANGERS: *NORMAL*! EVERYONE in Gamindustri: *NORMAL*! Fighting evil, facing terrible wars... These all seemed to be things of the past!

Cave's friends, her companions, her family... they were all slowly adapting to new lives, seamlessly it seemed. Suddenly, she found herself back in high-school, right at the cusp of growing up... and terrified out of her mind at the very concept. A time when she knew she'd inevitably graduate and be thrown head-first into a world where she was expected to make her own rules... and she had no idea how. Change, so much change, all in the blink of an eye. How can time move so slowly, yet so fast? No one could ward off time, ward off the inevitable, ward off *fate*... and alas, she grew up. Nowhere near ready to, but she grew up nonetheless.

While the SMD equipped her with weapons, tools, and the skills to fight any threat known to man, life had never equipped her with the ability to handle change. Through fighting and defending the innocents of the world, she found her temporary solace; a momentary distraction from the simple world she feared. Why worry about being *normal* if she was busy being anything but?

... Yet now, there was nothing left to fight for, no one in need of defending. A soldier without a war; a hero with no story, no villain, no plot, no SCRIPT! The script had already reached its natural conclusion! The plot had been resolved! The villains had all been defeated; some eliminated, some reformed! The story... was over.

Her life... felt like it was in its 'epilogue' state. No more adventures, no more tall tales, no more anything! Just... the final parting words of a life gone by. Of time gone by. Words... and only words.

What choice... did she have but to... accept her fate? Accept that it was time to settle down and... live a normal life, like nearly every single person in the world? To retire her combat boots... and reserve the narratives of ultimate glory for the memory logs, rather than unfolding present events?

... N-No! C-Cave REFUSED to *settle*! S-She would NEVER be *normal*! NEVER!

... She... needed to do whatever it took to... stay exactly the way she was! Stay exactly the same. To never change. Never... stop being the woman she was now... NO, woman she IS!

... And maybe, through her efforts... she could stop the world from changing around her as well.

"Seika's... settling down... too... Huh, who would've thought?..."

From then on out, Cave had a new mission: to FIND a mission! To latch onto something... to keep her spry. Keep her young... Keep her from *settling* down!

The first change she'd have to make? She'd need... to roam. Residing in the Basilicom for days on end would only... make her feel worse.

And so, one month passed by from that life-changing friendly letter... and March turned to April. The winter morphed into spring. Just one month later... and a whole damn season had changed.

 _"Cavey, let's go see a movie! '_ I've Conjured Up Some Invitations and Sent Them, So Why Don't You Come Over to My Insidious House at the End of the Street? Part 3: Left 4 Dead _' just came out, and I hear there's, like, blood, guts, and about ten total minutes of sybaritic nudity! Whaddya say?! Wanna go to the Gargan City mall? Pretty sweet theater there!"_

 _"Huh, sure, I heard... er, definite *things* about that film, at least... Sounds fun! Oh, but I hear Planeptune has some better deals on tickets and popcorn. Want to give that a shot?"_

 _"Hmm, Planeptune? Oh... Well, sure, I guess, why... not?"_

And a month after that...

 _"I'm all dressed up, Cavey! See? All. Red. Everything! Like the view, hehe?"_

 _"W-Wow, you look... s-stunning, Chika! U-Uh, d-darling... U-Uh, a-angel... U-Uh... b-babe."_

 _"Damn straight! Gah, and why still so shy? You can call me whatever, Gooshy-Bear!"_

 _"... I'd say the same, but you can't call me that ever again."_

 _"So anyways, where we going tonight?! The 'Leanbluff Diner'? 'The Devil Wears Pesto'? Er, '_ App's Ristorante _'?"_

 _"Hmmm... Actually, I've heard of a quaint restaurant over in Lowee... 'die Gaststätte' I believe it's called?"_

 _"H-Huh? Um... W-Well, I don't know how to spell... er, or even say what you just... said, b-but... s-sure, you know best! H-Hehe..."_

And a month after that...

 _"Babe, guess what I just heard?! There's, like, this HAWT dating spot all the 'hip' kids are using these days! Ugh, gag me if I say 'hip' again... It's in the Leanbox Water Caves, and your name's Cave, so let's go!"_

 _"Er, um, apologies Chiks, but... I-I actually was hoping to explore some of Powerlevel Island's gold mines today. But next time... for sure...!"_

 _"I-Is that so?... W-Well, I guess gold mines are more fun than... making love in a dark, quiet, secluded, romantic location behind a gentle cascading crisp waterfall..."_

 _"Great, I knew you'd understand!"_

And a month... after... that...

 _"Cavey, you know what tonight is! We need all the best fireworks we can get our grubby little hands on!"_

 _"I'm on it! I know this great vendor in Lastation!"_

 _"L-Lastation fireworks?! B-But it's... the 'Leanbox Day of Freedom'!... Ah, whatever, she's gone already..."_

And soon, August rolled around, like it does each year. The months moving in turn, trudging along their own rut of normality.

 _"Come on! It's been four nights already! When are ya gonna go trick-'r-treating with us?!"_

 _"I-I'm sorry Chiks... T-Tomorrow, I really promise this time! I have... Jai-Alai tryouts today, and I really can't miss them. I think I... h-have a real shot here!"_

 _"... Well... Okay, Cavey... Good luck, babe! Me and Verty will be just fine! We'll find all the best spots for when you come with us tomorrow then!"_

 _"Haha... I'd appreciate that... Thank you, my love."_

 _"Still need to work on a nickname, Frigusch-Tush!"_

 _"Still need to work on... whatever the hell that was!"_

 _..._

And 'tomorrow' indeed came. Cursed 'tomorrow'! Why must you always... come?

... Why...?

* * *

 _ **"You think... that I don't even mean... a single word I say!"**_


	13. Chapter FINAL: Everlasting Words

Several months had passed since that revelation; nearly half a year... and Cave still didn't feel any better. Still didn't feel that she had made any progress. She tried and tried and tried to hide from time... but like a psychotic decapitator from a slasher movie, there was no escape. Time would seek her out... and corner her, back pressed against the wall. All out of tricks...

Just a little more time, please! Let... these days stretch on, forever! Hell, just let TONIGHT last forever! That's... all she wanted: for things to slow down. For life to slow down...

Let this short night last longer than any other! Please, someone, hear her call! Never let... this epilogue end! Not before she... finds a way to start the story over...

"..."

Cave had fallen back into her obvious emotional slump... and Chika was as attentive as ever, having developed an impressive mastery of identifying her lover's apprehensive state. She swiftly abandoned her verbal surmising... and, like every single overused instance before, landed a calming hand on the stoic girl's shoulder.

The redhead unhurriedly shifted her gaze towards her girlfriend, forgetting to hide any hint of her troubles like most people forget to actually read hint-boxes in treasure-hunting mini-games. She opened her mouth, her tongue clicking, to meekly question what was on the Oracle's mind—perhaps knowing full well that this would only lead to another puffed cheek—but the long-haired accidental Basilicom burglar beat her to the proverbial punch, donning a shy gaze most unbefitting her carefree personality. "Cavey... I... wanted to impress Vert."

Leanbox's enforcer slanted her neck, finding herself blindsided by her companion's non sequitur. "Huh? Impress... Vert?"

"Yeeeeaaaaaah..." Chika trailed, using her right hand to scratch her left breast. "You... may not have been the only one... hidin' something tonight..."

"Hiding?"

"Remember when I told ya how I got... hehe, into this whole 'breaking-and-entering' mess in the first place? How my 'hubris yadda-yadda'd me' and stuff? How Vert was... sad that we didn't get enough candy, and I wanted to take my anger out on Lastation by stealing Noire's candy?"

"Yes...? Where are you going with this, Chiks?"

The professional's shoulders suddenly sank, and her eyes returned to observing the bare sections of her legs. "I... Th-That wasn't a lie, but... I really did something so stupid, so crazy... 'cuz I wanted to impress Vert."

The SMD warrior aired up her cheeks before exhaling like a puffer fish. "Chika, if Vert's impressed by anybody, it's clearly you."

"... I dunno, I just..." She scrunched her lips, leaning against her lover for support. "Don't be mad, okay? But, um... I-I'll always love Vert... b-but I've long since moved on! I... love you more than anything in the world, you know that! S-Still, though, I..."

"... Haha, Vert will always drive you crazy. Teh, I'd be... concerned if there ever came a time she didn't."

"Yeah, that's it. I've... always known that I wanted to spend my whole life with you, and that me and Verty just isn't gonna happen; not anymore." The Oracle closed her eyes, an embarrassed eyebrow raised like a not-so-shy LWF sports entertainer's. "But... y-y'know, sometimes I can't help but wonder if, eh, I still... 'have it'! Know what I'm talkin' about?"

A supportive nod. "I... think I do, actually. Completely."

"R-Really? C-Cool... That's how I know you're the 'One' for me... I've officially moved on from my darling 'sister', but I still want to make her smile! Make her laugh! EXCITE her! Be... spontaneous; a carefree bundle of fun! It's kinda why I... came up with this whole Halloween .7 thingy: I wanted to show her that I'm still able to be... perfectly wacky! I CAN surprise her, I CAN make her smile and laugh! That I haven't... changed too much, even though my heart belongs to someone else now. Belongs to you."

"..."

"So, when I saw this Basilicom wasn't handing out candy and Vert was lookin' sorta sad, I asked myself 'What would Fun!Chika do?!'"

Cave's head now tilted itself, enough to peacefully rest against her lover's own. "You're... always going to be... 'Fun!Chika'. You still are."

"... Am I, Cavey?" she asked, her soft red eyes reflecting the light of the television. Best not to focus on the man getting sucked into a sewage pipe; totally contrasts with the scene at hand. "Because it feels like you've been... looking for fun stuff to do without me recently. Not only that, but you don't want to talk about... finding places to live, or talking about our friends, and whatever the heck! I'm worried... the reason you've been acting so weird lately is that I'm... boring. I'm not fun enough anymore..."

"Ch-Chika... T-That's not..." Oh lord... Okay, that's it; that's the final straw! No more... foolish running now. The dearest friend Cave ever had throughout her entire life... had just trusted her with the deepest concerns in her heart! If... the stoic fighter couldn't return the favor, then... she clearly didn't deserve this woman; not in the slightest! "God, I'm such an idiot..."

"Hehe, we're both idiots... remember?"

"... Teh, can never forget." The time was... now. Deep breaths... In, out... You can do this, Cave, old girl! Gah, what's always with 'old girl', anyways?! She... is frickin' twenty-something! "This may sound... ridiculous, so I apolo—"

"Same old song and dance, babe! I should apologize for a lot of things, but you don't see me sayin' sorry all the time!"

"... I'm biting my tongue now, I really am," she laughed... before quickly shaking off the comment. She just had to put everything out there, as best she could! Right... NOW! "You're not the problem at all, Chika... I am."

"... Ehuh? How do you mean?"

Images of all the Leanbox natives' friends flashed through the stoic soldier's head. All her happy, relaxed, peaceful friends, most joined by held hands... if not more. "I... I'm afraid, Chiks. Scared... about everything, I guess."

"Scared?! Not because of the Decapitator, right?! He hasn't shown up yet, so I think we're in the clear tonight!"

"N-No, not the Decapitator!" Gulp. "The... future."

"... Like r—"

"NOT ROBOTS!"

"H-Hehe, sorry, sorry, just kidding! Moshi moshi along now!"

"... Feh, hello to you too." Now, to the uninitiated, Chika's seemingly-obnoxious interruption about Decapitators and robots... was truthfully anything but! To Cave, it was a tool; an earnest attempt from her wacky girlfriend at helping her settle her jumbled inner machinations! As for the outcome? Believe it or not, it... worked! As always, Chika... somehow knew best. She was near supernatural in how well she could positively-manipulate the Stoic One! "What I really mean is..." Eh... would it surprise you to hear the famous words 'more or less' again? "... Doesn't life feel... a bit too... I don't know, run-of-the-mill lately?"

"Hmm?" the Oracle hummed, holding her right hand out like she was smoking an invisible cigarette. Note: the citizens and leaders of Gamindustri do not endorse smoking. "Yeah, guess so. Haven't had any terrorism or monster attacks or wild beast swarms or mad scientists or Keegun the Fixes or alternate-universe Ganache cameos or self-insert OCS or awful RNG drops or horrible difficulty spikes or insane internet trolls or—"

"That's entirely my... point. I just... look around, and everything is..."

"Peaceful, right?"

"... Yeah, peaceful... Wh-Which I have no right to complain about! N-Not at all, but..." She couldn't even muster the resolve to admonish herself over biting her lip. Such a show of weakness would've never flown back in the... glory days! "I'm not... ready for... peace, and it scares me! Does... Does that make sense? No, probably not... I feel so crazy..."

Chika didn't have an immediate response planned, so she instead simply snuggled closer as a show of support. "... This has been eatin' you for awhile now, huh? Geez..."

"Quite awhile... I handled Lady Neptune's and Lady Noire's wedding just fine, I'd say... but maybe everything started to sink in when—"

"IF and Lyree got hitched?"

"... Well, ENGAGED, yes. 'Hitched' implies they're married already."

"Does it? I never quite got that."

"... Now you're making me doubt myself..."

"O-Oh, but go on! We'll cross that bridge over troubled water soon enough!"

"... Ehum." Teh, okay, sometimes she could go a bit overboard. "Like you with Vert, I've... moved on from Lyrica, that much is for certain! But, there'll always be *something* lingering. Old feelings I can never shake off; not entirely! But that's not even my point: they're getting married... and it's not going to stop there! Miss Nepgear and Uni, Kei and Blanc, Linda and Nepgeo, Nisa and Gust... Hell, Mina and Histoire will find a way! I'm... happy for all of them, but... it's scary, Chika. Everything's... changing, all at once. I can't keep up."

The stylish soldier fell silent, her anxious toes tapping on the floor. The movie had long been forgotten by now, the tales of ' _The Glob_ ' forever lacking a proper audience. Wouldn't be the first ignored story.

The scantily-clad professional found herself nodding her head, her ears perked up for the best listening experience imaginable. "Ohhhhhhhh... Yipe, I... h-hehe, feel mighty bad now! I kept bringin' all that stuff up..."

Cave held up a dismissive hand. "Don't. It's only natural; they are our companions, after all. Besides... it's more than that."

"Well... don't be afraid to say it all, babe! Set it free!"

"... Teh, alright. You make everything sound so easy..."

"No reason they can't be!"

"..." Such... pure innocence. Perhaps that was what drew the warrior to her best friend in the first place. "I... never knew what I wanted to do with my life... I'm sure you can remember. Never had a clue what I wanted to do, what I wanted to strive for, or even what I was good at! As a kid, I dreamed of a life without rules... but then I grew up, and suddenly I wanted all those rules back. I was... lost, so I jumped to the nearest thing I could latch onto: becoming a soldier. There, I'd have nothing but rules and protocol..."

"Cavey..."

"It started out as a hopeless last-ditch effort, but I soon... became immersed in my training! I-I had so much power, and it all came so *naturally* to me! Like nothing ever had before..." Her lids slammed shut, her facial muscles working overtime. "I realized that... I had FINALLY found something I was skilled at! There WAS something I could do!"

"..."

"I could fight wars, I could defend towns, I could save LIVES! Actual human LIVES! Me! A small-town orphan, too shy to even speak with anyone other than you... and I now held the fate of entire NATIONS in my hands!"

"... You're so hard on yourself... You can do so much more than that, Ca—"

"But now... there's nothing to fight for anymore. The SMD has no need for my services any longer, and nothing has threatened Leanbox or any other land for over a year now. I'm just an old war dog; a soldier who's run out of orders..." With a heavy heave, the red-haired veteran clenched both fists, though not without making sure she avoided accidentally pinching her lover. "The only thing I learned to feel comfortable doing, to be good at... and it's getting taken away from me. I have to... adapt to life without fighting, without 'world-saving' adventures... a-and I'm afraid I can't do it! Everyone else makes it look so easy... b-but I can't even start! Wh-Why is it so easy for THEM?!" Dry eyes soon bubbled with moisture... and Cave had no choice but to let loose a few tears. She fortunately managed to maintain her professional demeanor, not degressing to gargled sobs... but still, she must look so... foolish... "E-Everyone's pairing off and settling down; calming down. Living like peaceful people in peaceful times. I mean, look at us: all we do anymore is sit and... talk. Just us, one on one. I... love it, don't get me wrong, but—"

"You can't fight the urge to, well, want to fight?"

"... Yeah. Maybe it... just feels wrong when I... relax. When I try to settle in to peace and quiet. But everyone else is doing it so easily, and then I feel worse, because... maybe something's wrong with me. I can't adapt to peace, but they can." One of her red bangs fell in front of her eyes due to the angle of her head, but she did nothing to stop it. Let it do what it wanted. "So, I've been... running, I guess... Running from Leanbox whenever I could, forlornly searching for some new adventure. Even something as small as new restaurants on other nations, or visiting new theaters, and even trying out for... STUPID sports like jai alai; I've tried doing it all to distract myself! But no matter how much I try and try... I-I can't... do it, Chika! I-I can't! A predictable, simple, normal life... I-I'm a freak saying this, I know I am, but I c-can't live like that! I-I can't go back to... not having a clue about what my life means! What my... purpose is..."

"... It feels like your story is over, yeah? Like the credits are rolling?"

"... Yeah, like the credits are rolling." A breath deeper than a 'blue something' escaped from the stern woman's pursed lips. "God, I miss the old days... Back when, even under threat of ASIC and Arfoire, the world was innocent. Our friends; you and I; all of Gamindustri... we were simple heroes. No pairings, no 'official couples', no 'adult' problems, no worries about any future other than our immediate well-beings... Those days are all gone, though."

"'The only easy day was yesterday!'... That's a war quote, isn't it?"

"... Heh, more or less. You've sure done your research... That, or you've played one too many military shooters."

"Everything counts! 'Whatever Gets You Thru the Night', I always say!"

"You NEVER say that!" Haha, what a... goofball... "Well, a-anyway... That's all I have...! I'm... sorry to ramble on so much... What's your conclusion, Chiks? S-Stupid, right?"

Cave fully expected the Oracle to laugh or chuckle or shake her head or do ANYTHING to hint at derision over her foolish worries, her laughable woes... but instead, soft wet lips met her cheek?! What...? "Cavey... you wanna know what I think?"

"... Y-Yes. Don't... hold back."

"Welp... Okay! I think... you're afraid of growing up!"

"Afraid of growing... up? Teh... I grew up a long time ago."

Another kiss... before a warm hand cupped her cheek, turning the redette's head so that she was looking straight into her girlfriend's eyes. "You never stop growing up, Cave. None of us do."

"..." Cave's mouth went dry from her best friend's bold words, and color returned to her face like a fancy boomerang. A fancy RED boomerang!

This reaction only made Chika smile. "Cavey, lemme tell ya something!" Her hand pointed at the flatscreen TV. "Look right there! What do ya see?"

Eh? What's she tryin' to pull...? "I see, er, a glob of slime eating a puppy orphanage. Looks like it's abandoned, however. That's fortunate."

"Yep! Er, well, the details don't actually matter... Those puppies better be safe..." Focus, focus, FOCUS! "This stupid movie is on, yeah! Noooooooow... What's coming on next?"

"... Another movie?"

"Ahumph, correcto-mundo! But WHICH movie is the key!" Ah, the remote returns at long last! Here goes nothing... Clickity-clickity-click! The channel guide opened back up for the first time in... hmm, four hours? Five? Let's see... 5PM, this night started, was it? Eh, who can even remember? Three finished films: the first being two hours (with long commercial breaks, of course), the second the same, and the third condensed to an hour and thirty minutes. Halfway through the fourth now... Dear lord, it's past 11 already! Yep, the TV confirms it! Geez, it hasn't felt THAT long, has it? Oh... it has? Ehhhhhhhhh— "Aha, just as I thought! What's that say there, babe?"

"... ' _The Glob 2: This *Slime*, It's Personal'_... My God."

NOW Chika laughed, a harsh giggle flying out like a bird on non-G-rated drugs! "That sounds awesome! Buuuuut... it also sounds to me like a 'sequel'!"

"Eh... yeah? That's usually what the '2' means." What's that wink for? Cave couldn't help but stand on her toes. Er, figuratively; she's still sitting, mangled with her lover like the most adorable human pretzel ever concocted in a secret lab lying hidden beneath a weapon-manufacturing headquarters partially run by an adopted young man seeking revenge for his dead older sister.

Chika's half of the non-literal hardened dough product bobbled, signifying the personified action of speaking. "Exactly! So, with that being established, what does that mean will happen in THIS film? The first one; the one we're watching?"

The famous eyebrow raise! How many has that been now? Bonus points on the test for the correct answer! "The hell are you going with this...? Okay, I suppose if there's a sequel... this film will end at some point—naturally—but...!" Like a Level 99 party surprised by a silver-haired badass 'Super Nova'ing them down to 1/16th of their max hit points, the SMD warrior's eyes widened from... the ultimate revelation of all! The answer... was so simple, and yet so... right. " _Smartly played,"_ she thought to herself. _"I... understand... I see it all, now!"_

When Cave's moody self surfaces and faces off against Chika's positivity... the Oracle will ALWAYS come out on top! "Heh, I can see it hit ya like a bag of bricks! You always make things too complicated, Cavey... and sometimes, overthinking everything is why you can miss the most obvious answers of all!" A victorious grin. Sure, it's near midnight... but the sun may as well be shining. "This film will end, 'cause every story has to end eventually! Cue the credits, which is what you're afraid life's feeling like! But you're forgetting the fact that we've WATCHED three 'sequels' TONIGHT already! Life's an endless chain of sequels and spin-offs! Who knows, maybe our adventuring days are over! Maybe... we'll never fight 'Big Bads' ever again! Well... then our first installment is done! You keep focusing on that 'done' part, but you're missing the 'first' side of things! If this story's over... then we're obviously starting the sequel, babe!"

"Ch-Chika..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, a lot of snobs out there will tell ya that 'The original is always the best' or 'Sequels ALWAYS suck'... but when has the world ever been correct?! Some franchises... only get BETTER after the initial installment! Y'know, like that crappy film about fevers in cabins or whatever; 'One' was horrible... but heh, 'Two' and 'Three' were at least less offensive to watch! As for us? Yep, can't deny it, we had a preeeeeeetty cool first movie... but eh, I've heard a few *spoilers* through the Boxlean grapevine, as well as the mailbox... and I'm confident that our sequel is gonna be, like, ten times better!" The mintette tightened her left arm around the red-haired shooter and, holding her free right fist aloft, knocked on the air a couple times. "Or, worst comes to worst, we at least star in a B-movie that people can laugh at for decades to come! Either way... we'll have fun, I know we will."

... How does she always do that? She can part the clouds and give way to the sun... in the goddamn middle of the night! The defender of Leanbox never ceased to be amazed. "So, what you're proposing is, for this next story: we will trade in our glorious fights with cultists, rebels, and Arfoire... in exchange for facing off with realtors and getting into trouble at both our future living quarters as well as our friends' homes?"

"Yep! Realtors are sneaky buggers, always tryin' to screw over innocent clientele! We gotta check out some nice homes and get THE best deal... for justice!"

She never fails. "... Haha, you know what, I like the sound of that. Could have as much plot as those overdone indie films that always debut first at festivals."

"Only we'd have more nudity!"

"Again with the nudity... Are you lobbing the realtors into that? Not all realtors are cute anime girls with trust issues!"

"Yeah, but this is LEANBOX! You know it's not gonna be a dude! Not unless he's a nude butler!"

"... How can you tell if he's a butler if he's nude from the start?"

"There's always a way, Cavey! Just gotta listen to your heart!"

"The time for inspirational talk is over, Chiks!"

Geez... Does Cave say that a whole lot in her mind? 'Geez?' Hell, simply the same words over and over? She's... never been the best with words... but being with Chika? This goofy girl, from the time they were in preschool to the present day, made her want to say all the words in the world. Say things... she'd never even think. Give her every... single... wonderful word!

Stretching, and a warm smile spreading across her once-pale face, the newly-invigorated SMD warrior raised her arms like a cheering level grinder. Hey, that comparison was already used! Something about Noire and smiling and whatnot... Bah, you could double-check it later!

"... Hey, Chika," she began, slyly eyeing the woman she was determined to 'eye' the rest of her life, "thanks... for sticking with me, even when I act... like a stubborn child. I don't know how you do it; it wasn't even an hour ago where I was screaming at you, throwing a tantrum that Blanc would shake her head at! How... No, WHY do you put up with me?"

Mayhap to look coy, the Oracle leaned back towards the opposite end of the famous couch, one eye open and hands behind her neck. "Your problems are my problems... We've been dating for seven months, and I knew what I was signing up for on day one!"

What more needed to be said? The two lovers found themselves in a trance like no other, locked away in a timeless vacuum that neither wanted to break out of. Just them... and no one else! Their silent stares, the muted muffles coming from the high-definition speakers, the chirping of crickets and other nocturnal creatures outside the door... Nothing could snap them out of this moment!

*"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-dooooooooooooooooong!"*

Well, nothing apart from the doorbell. Chika clicked the 'Guide' button on the remote to check the time... and ended up giving the poor info menu the stink eye. "Um... there's still trick-'r-treaters out an' about? Crazy kids... There's still two freakin' nights left, give it a rest!"

Cave snickered, keeping her voice low. "Heh... You don't suppose it's the... DECAPITATOR, do you? We haven't heard from him all night..." Hmmm... That felt kinda fun to say, actually! She reminded herself to act more like a tease in the future.

The Oracle simply shivered as the two women walked over to the door, lifting the candy bowl in the process. As if it were a poisonous snake, Miss Hakozaki tenderly gripped the golden knob—smudged due to the constant fingerprints painting it throughout the evening—and twisted, opening the portal to the outside realm!

"Hello again, fair maidens!"

Oh no... I-It can't be him again! "B-Bumbles?" Chika asked, delirious over seeing the nutty bee-man from earlier again!

The SMD warrior wasted no time in bringing her fist to her hip. "... No repeats, sorry." Like a mother hen, she defensively held the bowl behind her. Not that hens instinctively carry bowls of crude candy bars.

"Oh no," the creepy man dismissed, waving his... stinger, "I do not want anymore of your candy! Actually, I've a..." He reached behind him, fishing for something within his... pants? Lovely... The two Leanbox natives watched uncomfortably for a few seconds, experiencing flashbacks of last Christmas as well as not being sure if they should shut the door and hide by this point... but soon enough, the older man found what he was looking for! With the energy of a game-show host—but NOT the one on ' _Plutiamid'_ —Mr. Bee Man spun around and presented the two wary lasses with a... s-stone head?! Oh snap, th-that's... L-Lady Black Heart! A stone head of Noire, cut off at the neckline! "... GIFT for you two!"

"...!"

"..."

Yeah, we're not gonna get too much more from them. Not that Bumbles expected anything. "I've... *done* it again! I claimed another *fake*! And I was planning... to rid a few more of these cretins from Lastation! That is, until I overheard your conversation."

"O-Our... conversation?!" Chika gasped, covering her mouth both in shock and because a moth tried flying in. "Y-You... w-were listening to us?! L-Like the whole time?!"

The man smiled in a way that'd make a murderous dogoo weep like a cardbird. "Oh, only for the last two hours! You left the kitchen window unlocked!"

Cave sighed. "... Damn it, Noire... Or, Kei? Both of you..."

"Anyways, your plight spoke to me! I wasn't always a beautiful bee hovering from one *fake* to another, slicing off their horrid heads from their shiny gray bodies! No, I was one of the *normal* ones... but things were too boring! Boring boring BOOOOOOOOORING!" A few spit globules landed on the soldier's concerned face. "Decapitating statues was my solace from my typical days of pollinating flowers, gathering honey, and defending my Queen's hive!"

"Are we... speaking symbolic-ish here?" the mintette inquired, slowly retreating behind her slightly-younger girlfriend.

Bumbles ignored her. "But then I heard you both... and a light went off in my... HEAD! Ahahahahahaha! You served me a fresh batch of 'decapitated coffee'... and in my head's absence, a new me was born! I shall take your lesson to heart and... embrace my normal lifestyle, not run from it by running through statues' necks with my hacksaw!"

'Twas the redhead's time for input! "That's a smart... move...?" That counts as... input...?

Gah, the stinger's wiggling again! Please, someone make it stop! "So, here, take my final trinket from the *fakes*! I shan't be needing it anymore! A good simple bee does not require such tepid imitations of life!" From there, he tossed the disembodied stone head towards the long-haired lady, which fumbled several times between both of her surprised hands. Then, giving a ladylike curtsy in the same manner as two others had done today, the unsettling gent bid his final farewells, turning right back around! "Farewell, fair maidens! The bee must 'bee' off to embrace a taste of honey! Have fun, now, and keep busy! Busy as a—"

"W-We get it, t-thank you Bumbles!" Chika called out... and once the man animatedly skipped out of this tale for good, she shivered as a cool August breeze rolled by. "Wow, that was, uh, something... S-See? It's not even a few minutes after declaring we'll live normal lives... and we already reformed a deranged psychopath! Just because you're 'normal' doesn't mean there won't be excitement, Cavey! Every day can have an... adventure of its own!"

"... H-Haha, I suppose so! B-But, um, Chika... I need to tell you... something..."

"Hmm? What, babe?"

"Lady... Noire told me the whole truth... Th-There never was a Decapitator. It was all made up... basically to mess with you."

"... Oooooooh... That's pretty sneaky! Hehe, sounds like something I'd do... W-Wait! A-All made up, you say?! T-Then who was...?!"

"... Let's head back inside, Chiks."

"L-Let's run inside!"

"R-Running!"

* * *

What was left of the night rolled on, innocently enough... and as the clock officially struck midnight, the two lovers were once again back on the sofa. By now, the smaller couch had been moved back to its original non-flipped-over location, with the orphaned stone head of the heavenly tsundere chilling on one of its cushions... and all was well.

Well, all but one thing.

Facing each other, noses connected by just the tips (as was custom in the Hakozaki household), the Oracle looked deep into her lover's eyes. "Cavey... Y'know, we're missing one thing before we can call this night complete!"

"... Complete, you say? Sure, shoot!... Wait, you are not about to bring up something pe—"

"Nothin' perverted, 'least not right away! It's... Y'know, what you *did* for me that time I was... feelin' really low."

"... That *outfit* and *show* I *put on* a few months back? When you started watching ' _Lightning Bug_ 'online, but then discovered it was cancelled about 13 years ago...?"

"No, not that time... though it's a thought! But no, our... Yype™ call years ago. When I was stressed outta my gourd!"

"H-Haha, yes... Th-That should've been my first guess... You're rubbing off on m— No, not finishing that; saying that never ends well."

"Tee! You really helped me with that, but I... I didn't get to return the favor!"

"The favor? Chiks, you've... already done more than enough. What else could there possibly b—"

"' _Smile... an everlasting smile—'_ "

"C-Chika...?! O-Oh no... Y-You're not planning to... N-No!"

" _'A smile can bring you near... to me—'..._ Come on, Cave, don't leave me hangin' here! I haven't sung in ages!"

"... You sneaky little..."

"Come on!"

"... _'Don't ever let me find you gone... 'cause that would bring a tear... to me...'_ "

"Hehe, aw yeah! I love ya, Cavey!"

"J-Just continue it!"

"Yipe! Okay, okay! But only if you hold me closer, got it?"

"... Got it."

"There we go, muuuuch better! _'This WORLD has LOST its GLORY! Let's start a BRAND new STORY now... My love...'_ "

" _'Right now... there'll be no other time... and I can show you how... My love...'_ "

"Ooh, chills! CHILLS! Can you start the next verse off too, puddin'?"

"If you promise to forever drop that nickname from your lingo list!"

"Ehhhhh... Bah, okay!"

"Teh, much better... _'Talk in everlasting words... and dedicate them all... to me...'_ "

" _'And I will give you all my life; I'm here if you should call... to me—'_... Your breath smells like popcorn, Cavey!"

" _'You think—'_ "

" _'—that I don't even mean—'_ "

" _'—a single word I say!'_... and your breath smells like one of those candy bars."

"Ooh, like Little Rain's fine ass? Or my tasty caramel mom?"

"... Er, 'Whatever Gets You Thru the Night'..."

"Now you're talkin'!"

"Teh... Anyway, focus!"

"Right!"

" _'It's only words...'_ " " _'It's only words...'_ "

" _'... and words are all I have...'_ "

" _'... to take your heart away.'_ "

"Ahhhh... This is the life, ain't it?"

"Sure is... Couldn't ask for anything more."

"Heh, yeah. And I finally understand all the *la's* and *da's* now, Cave!"

"... I... couldn't put it better myself...?"

"Shyeah! Ready to finish off?"

"Ha! Of course. I... don't leave things unfinished."

"You're such a dweeb!"

"I'm not IF! Either way, I'll pick this back up: _'You think... that I don't even mean... a single word I say!'_ "

"Ooh, gimme this whole one! _'It's only words... and words are all I have... to take your heart away...'_ "

"... _'It's only words... and words are all I have... to take your heart away.'_ "

 _ **"It's only words... and words are all I have... to take your heart... away..."**_

* * *

One Last Time...


	14. Epilogue: Moonlight -Time Goes By-

_**EPILOGUE: Moonlight -Time Goes By-**_

"Welp... It's, like, 2 o'clock! I'd say now's a good enough time to shut off the porch light and call it a night, wouldn't ya say?"

"Teh... Yeah, no one sane would be awake at this hour!"

Indeed; midnight had passed like a dream, and one August night heralded in the next day's morn. The moonlight cast its bluish rays through the Basilicom's grand window... and the two lovers knew that the time for rest was upon them. Tomorrow had finally arrived... and for once, it wasn't a cause for alarm.

Oh yeah, and as for another cause for alarm... it's late, so you're spared on that promised test. The file got corrupted at the last minute anyway.

All-in-all, it had been a pretty good night... and Cave finally felt relieved after all the months of foolish worry. Sure, adapting to change wouldn't be the easiest thing, even with her best friend's reassurance... but when were adventures ever supposed to be easy? Learning to adapt to a life without constant adventures... was actually a whole new adventure in its own right!

She could look back on this night with true pride; everything turned out well! The two lovers understood each other a bit better now, she had a newly-found determination to check out the Boxlean apartments... or at least some sane-sounding place to live someday, and they had even made a bee-themed psychopath rethink his ways! That's... a loaded day, surely? Haha, so much was accomplished in such a short time! Nothing was forgotten about... at... all...

"... Shit."

"Hmm," Chika cocked her head at her stern friend's non-'E-for-Everyone' outburst, "what's up?"

"... I was supposed to record _'My Big Fat Loweean Wedding'_ for Noire... Shipe, it completely slipped my mind!"

"... Pfft!"

"D-Do NOT say a word to her, alright?! S-She trusted me with this; no one else was to know!"

"Hehe, hey, I don't judge! I'm just surprised she watches the show too!"

"... 'Too'?"

"I missed the last couple of episodes, so bummed! Man, I gotta ask her about 'Hillbilly Hell' or whatever the latest one is!"

"... Oy vey..." For quite possibly the final time in this excessive tale, Cave poetically... facepalmed. "I am screwed... Oh well, I'll just tell her a... solar flare took out the station, or... something. The DVR BSOD'd... God, what a mess."

The boisterous Oracle clicked her tongue. "Overthinkin' things again! We'll just say I accidentally deleted the footage while trying to order _'Lonely Space Vixens'_ on Pay-Per-View! I wouldn't mind house-sitting another night as punishment—" A shy evasion of the eyes. "—so long as you're here with me again..."

"Hah, you think I'd trust you on your own? You'd probably light her mattress on fire!"

"Oh, come on, that was, like, eight years ago! You're really bringing my parents' waterbed into this?!"

"Someone has to remember the poor soul!" With a chuckle, the SMD warrior turned away to glimpse the action being displayed on the TV. Man, that thing must be hot by now; most outdated flat-screens feel like they're burning up after an hour or two!

 _"Stop, don't come any closer!... What are you DOING?! Stop!... No... where are you going?! No, where are you going?!"_

"Er, Chiks, when... is this marathon supposed to end?"

"Ummm... I thought 2 AM! Weird, but I don't think this movie's even halfway thro—"

*PSSHSSHSHSHSHHSSHSHSHHHSHHHSSHHSHSH!*

Because the fates love timing, the television immediately cut out in the middle of a scene, and stock colored bars and a loud obnoxious chime were all that remained of the station... At least, until sane waking hours.

The greenish-haired girl shrugged. "Huh, well whaddya know! Guess that's done..." Click! The television, and thus the remote, had earned their relaxation! "Hmm, noooooooooow what can two beautiful, barely-clothed, in-love women in their primes do to pass the time without television... in the middle of the night... in a dark house where no one else is around to interrupt them...?"

"You mean, besides sleeping?" Cave snarked, hopping up to turn off the outside light. "Teh, though all this junk food *has* rendered me wide awake..."

"Ooooh~! I like the sound of tha—"

*"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-dooooooooooooooooong!"*

... Son of a bitch! The stylish soldier's index finger, seconds away from the switch that would mark the end of the generous candy donations, froze as the cursed doorbell rang out. "Are you... kidding me?"

"Y-You don't think it's the... D-Decapitator again, do you?!"

"... Stick behind me." Holding her arms out to defend the girl of her dreams, Cave scooped up a few last candy bars— _'Not Allowed in the Park Past Four O'Clock Fingers of Butter'_ , to be exact—and tentatively pulled open the door. "Hell...o?"

Two figures awaited on the other side... and fittingly, they were not strangers in the slightest. One was a beautiful woman in a snazzy business suit with a flower on the left side, just about over her heart... and on the right side was a sticky note that read: "N. Hiiragi - Not Nepugia". As for her lower half, she wore a dark skirt that left little to the imagination... but at least she wore flawlessly-white panties, so it's all... good?

... It was an unusual reference that none of you will understand unless you actually paid attention to every single dragging word thus far—not to mention you'd need an intimate familiarity with Nepgeo's fanfictions—but the outfit wasn't important. No, as it should be, the clothes simply called attention to the individual wearing them!

A devilish woman with gray-white skin and blood red eyes stared back at the green-eyed soldier... and Cave knew at once who she was greeting. "Ar...foire?"

"..." The presumed Deity of Sin said nothing, scowling as she crossed her arms. She's... clearly embarrassed?! Why is she even here?!

... And HOLY CRAP, what's that thing right next to her?!

"Ahuh..." Cave bounced the candy in her palm a couple of times, too afraid to get a good look at the... MASSIVE figure standing beside the former ultimate evil. A giant fat slob of a robot-*thingy* with a tongue longer than a seven-year-old's entire body... Yeah, that wording was entirely intentional, wasn't it? Horrifyingly-enough, this mechanical beast was also keeping a theme going; stretched beyond its limits, yet somehow not ripped or even scraped anywhere, was a dress so black it looked blue!

Arfoire... and CFW Trick. Happy freakin' Halloween (.7).

"Who is it, babe?" Chika asked, mustering the courage to stick her head through the door. "No crazy dood, ri— aiaiaiaiaiaiaight?!"

"..."

"... :-)~..."

"...!"

All four cast members stood in silence, no one brave enough to speak up... and perhaps that was for the best; no one needs Trick to add any more wisdom to their lives.

Still... someone has to move this along! "... Er, well... here you go..." the confused redhead voiced, cautiously extending her treat-wielding arm. Another moment of literal nothingness passed... before a large tongue reached out and lapped up the bars like petals in the wind. Yeah, the simile pond dried up already. "... Happy... Halloween."

"... Yes," Arfoire flatly muttered, before slowly turning around. CFW Trick's tongue, serving as a proper candy storage unit, waved... and the two villains awkwardly shuffled away. And no, it was still a mystery how Trick could move in the first place.

The Oracle gripped her chin in deep thought. "Y'know, Arfy kinda looks cute when she walks away... for being the Devil, I mean."

"... Let's just turn off this damn light before someone else comes. Like Super-Satan. Or the Author. Or both."

SLAM! Goodnight, fair door! You have served your purpose in this story well!

Locking the tumblers for good measure, Cave sighed as she slid down against the closed wooden rectangle. "That's... enough 'adventures' for one night."

"You sure about that?" Chika winked, yawning without even caring to cover her stretched mouth. "Because I... just had a sweet idea! A whole new adventure we could do right... NOW!"

"... You've piqued my interest. Better be good."

"Hehe, you'll love it!" A tongue, fortunately smaller than the one the two just encountered outside, slipped through the corner of the scantily-clad professional's lips. "You and me? We're gonna do something that we'll never frickin' forget! Make a story we'll be talking about forever: the time you and I *desecrated* Lady Black Heart's own bed!"

"... Not with fire, right?"

"Well, in a sense..."

A red blush as her hidden imagination ran wild with so many possibilities! "Y-You're awful!... I'll meet you there."

"Woo!" the older girl cheered, before slapping her lover square on the sensitive rump, eliciting a shocked 'Yipe'! "We're so made for each other, Cavey! We gotta make up for all the lost time we COULD'VE been openly loving each other years ago!"

"... Haha, we have a lot of catching up to do then!"

Like a rubber boy determined to be a pirate who neither pillages nor ravages villages, Chika's left fist connected with her open right palm. It's game time! "Hell yeah, we do! God, I love ya, pud— a-angel!"

"... Hmph! I love you too... b-babe."

"Hehe, you're gettin' better at that!" A quick kiss; a simple preview for what was about to come! "... You're the best catch in the universe, Cavey. Teh, no wonder my whole family wants ya! I better put a ring on that gloved finger of yours before either Mom, Dad, or Sis tries!" Another peck on the cheek... before the Oracle teasingly hopped backwards and slowly... sashayed... down... the... hall... "Now... On ME, Soldier! Oh, oops! Shyeah, I mean, 'follow me', Soldier~!"

"H-H-Hai!" Gah, a faulty translator again?! Such a dweeb! The SMD warrior's eyes were glued to her girlfriend's expertly-crafted hips, and she prepared to follow all willy-nilly; who in their right mind would stall when presented with this opportunity?!

... However, something Chika said resonated strongly in the redhead's red head of redness.

"... Wait... 'Mom, Dad, or Sis'... 'Sis'? SIS?!"

Once again, Chika WAS completely right: Cave had overthought things so much... that she had missed perhaps the most obvious detail of all. A discovery that should've been pieced together almost twenty years ago finally caught up with her!

Just when she thought the world had no more secrets or hidden truths left to be found... Cave realized she STILL had a lot to learn! New discoveries, new faces, new adventures, new revelations, new STORIES... were always going to be right around the corner!

This was no 'Epilogue'; not at all! Her life had just barely left its 'Prologue' chapter!

"Ch-Chika, hold up... Seika is... You have an actual SISTER?!"

* * *

 _ **"And this our life, exempt from public haunt,**_  
 _ **Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,**_  
 _ **Sermons in stones, and good in everything.**_  
 _ **I would not change it."  
**_

 _ **-** William Shakespeare **,** "As You Like It"_

 _..._

'From the bottom of my tired heart, thank you.  
Be you a fan or a detractor, hopefully you found at least something along the journey to take with you. I hope I left some kind of mark, no matter how small.  
Throughout it all, from the first word to the very last, please know that I tried my best. I gave it my absolute all.  
I've wept, I've bled, I've screamed, I've torn my hair out in frustration, and I came close to giving up countless amounts of time.  
I wish I could do more, but I gave everything I had.  
I can only pray you felt it was enough.  
Words are all I have.'

\- Ghostdominion

...

'Thank you for four unusual years.  
Where do we all go from here? Only time will tell...  
For now, adieu... until the next " _average night in Gamindustri when the world shook_ "!'

\- "CFW Judge"

 ** _FIN_**


End file.
